College changes you. That’s what you’re told in elementary school, middle school, and especially high school. But it isn’t until after you finish college that you realize how much you have changed. It’s hard to pinpoint when exactly you became the person that you are now, because there generally isn’t just one singular event that molds you into the person you become. For me, there were two catalysts for change: one positive and one negative. The first happened in my sophomore year when I took my second women’s studies course. The second, was when I found love and lost it.

To be honest, I was very stubborn and close-minded in high school. Growing up in a Christian family will do that sometimes. I was stuck in my ways, living life solely through the way that I was taught. I did not have the courage to take the initiative to learn my own values through living life. I guess I could say I didn’t know better, but ignorance is not a good excuse for being close-minded and judgmental. College, really is a place where you can learn to be your own person. Learning through self-discovery, as I found out, typically leads to a better quality of life. This is the fundamental value behind who I am now. It’s always best to keep your mind open and not limit your options. As such, I have become somewhat of a free spirit. Always down to hang, always down for whatever.

As a kid, I was always a worrier. I still am sometimes, causing unnecessary stress. But on the other hand, I am also extremely apathetic and lazy. As such, I am constantly fraught with inner struggle. Teenage angst was a defining characteristic for me. Naturally I’m shy, but at the same time I’ve always been an attention seeker. I actively sought out drama, although I never would’ve admitted it at the time. Tightly wound and stuck in my ways.

With age and experience comes maturity, and as I matured, my mind started to open. As my mind opened up, so did my propensity for fun. Looking for the easy way out, I turned to drugs, which never would’ve happened without the second event. Heartbreak, in my opinion is one of the most difficult circumstances to deal with. Each person copes with heartache differently. At some point during the relationship I began to severely question my faith, which led to some difficulties and many arguments. Which was sort of a blessing in disguise. I never would’ve evolved and grown into the man I am today without it. In order to get over the loss, I needed a way to become confident in myself for perhaps the first time in my life. I eventually realized that I had lost all conviction in my faith, and this was no longer an important aspect of my life. I fell victim to my own addictive nature, and got caught up with smoking cigarettes and weed. The only way I knew how to deal with my problems was to run away from them, and this was precisely that. Instead of physically running away, I found a way to run away mentally. This was now my escape.

As bad as it sounds, I am not ashamed of being a druggie. I guess that’s what you call someone who lives for the turn up. Sometimes it’s refreshing to take a step back from reality, and just forget everything. The best way I know how to deal with a long week, is to have an even longer weekend. “Big boy days, big boy nights,” as one of my coworkers would say. It started off innocently, but it eventually became part of my culture.

So yesterday, I tried acid for the first time. It was definitely an interesting experience, albeit intense and exhausting. And not something that I intend to try ever again. Being trapped in my head for that long is rather unnerving. When it first started to kick in it felt like my brain started to float up into the sky, and it felt like I was high. My vision started to blur and I lost the majority of my peripheral vision. While my peripherals dampened, my vision started to heighten, as did my sense of smell. My hearing both heightened and dampened at the same time, while my sense of touch lowered significantly. It became difficult for me to turn my head. It felt heavy, as if I was wearing a tight helmet.

A common belief is that LSD will temporarily deteriorate your brain into that of a baby, and I would have to say that this is a rather accurate description. I started looking at my hands like they were foreign objects and noticed minute details and lines that I hadn’t noticed before. About an hour and a half into the trip the walls started to melt and breathe. It became hard to clearly articulate my thoughts to other people as it was nearly impossible to think when my mind was already racing 100 mph.

I first popped the tab at 3, and for about 4 hours I was tripping the fuck out. It’s rather difficult to fully explain what it feels like to be tripping on acid so please note that the next paragraph will be rather disjointed.

I found myself squatting down to pour water into a glass (twice). I was randomly rolling on the floor for half an hour. I would walk back and forth in circles or just stop in random places. People would tell me things and I wouldn’t be able to tell if it actually happened or not. When I tried to read, the words would start swimming and it would be hard for me to concentrate. I was worried that my heart would burst at times, because I could feel the vibration of the music deep in my chest. But the coolest part was that I felt like I could see sound waves emitting from the speakers. At one point I started looking at the room from the eyes of a newborn, everything looked new to me. At one point I was brought outside and I saw a dog, and I asked, “what is that creature?” as if it was a new thing that I’ve never seen before. Throughout the day I would see different colors and patterns. When I took a shit, it felt like I had relieved myself of a demon. I thought I saw different spots and blemishes in walls and such turn into insects and come alive. Sometimes when someone called my name from another room and I moved towards them through the doorway it felt like I was traversing through a membrane.

The main thing with LSD is that it comes in waves, each subsequent one is weaker than the previous one. There will be a moment where you’re tripping balls, then the next you feel like you’re normal, but it’ll rinse and repeat until it’s out of your system. Time will feel like it slow downs and speeds up. Acid is a window into the brain in a way, as it reveals the darker, more complex aspects of the brain. Three thoughts kept reoccurring: did I actually take the acid, “why am I so fucked up? I shouldn’t be this fucked up. I feel guilty,” and I can do whatever I want and there will be no consequence.

We ended the night by going to Fort Totten to take a look at the scenery surrounding the Throg’s Neck Bridge. I was extremely tripped out by the vegetation in this area, and when we crossed the landbridge I was able to make out the texture of each rock. We also ended up crossing the footbridge above the Cross Island Parkway. It was surreal watching speeding cars passing by right under us looking like a photo taken using high shutter speed. Just think of the scene in GTA V where Michael’s son slips him a tab.

All in all, it was a fun experience and definitely interesting and different. But, it is not something I would like to explore more than once in a lifetime. My conscious brain is crazy and weird enough as it is, where I do not feel the need to explore the more primal side of it. There were three negative side effects that I observed that have convinced me not to try this again. First, as this is a rather long lasting drug, it becomes an all day event, and since your brain is constantly running for 6-12 hours straight without rest, it becomes incredibly difficult to sleep. I tried to go to sleep at 11:15, but I fell into a semi-conscious trance where I would keep seeing lights and patterns. At some point between then and 4:30 I fell into real REM sleep, however, the time and quality of it was not good. The second thing I noticed was that I felt like I wasn’t in control, especially since it kept coming in waves. Unlike weed, alcohol, and molly, LSD is not a drug that you can try to sleep off. Sleep is literally the only thing that you can’t do. Your only option is to wait it out. But perhaps the most annoying thing was an antsiness that I felt in my arms, especially in my left shoulder. It was almost as if I had a phantom arm that I couldn’t move. It was strange, and as a result it was difficult for me to get comfortable.

I personally am extremely sensitive to drugs of any sort including caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine, but I’m not going to tell anyone not to try LSD or to take my word for it. It’s up to the individual to make that choice. Drugs will affect each person in a different way. You’ll never know for sure what it’ll be like unless you try it, however, I can say that there are certain movies that depict the effects very accurately.  Just think of A$AP Mob’s Yamborghini High. That shit is trippy as fuck and basically exactly what I saw yesterday.