Dear      ,

Looks like I fucked it up again. I can’t seem to ever make it stop. And you know why that is? Cause it’s me. It’s not you. It’s always been me. I mean how many times do I have to rehash old events with new people before I learn?

How much of a coincidence is it that the same thing(s) keep happening time after time? It’s cause it’s not a coincidence. The problem here is me. I don’t know how to communicate.  I don’t know how to act like an adult. Everything comes too easy, and everything has been handed to me on a silver spoon. I haven’t gone through any real hardship in my life. It’s time to change, cause it’s just going to be an endless cycle otherwise. I want to learn, I want to do better. But what if it’s too late?

It’s been 26 years of bad habits, is it possible to change at this point? I feel like I’ve let you down already. I wanted this to work, I really did. But you already have a pre-conceived notion of me, and I don’t think that’s something that will change. You don’t respect me, and why should you? I can’t communicate with you, I don’t act my age, and I am rude beyond all reason. I’m not much more than a glorified child. I have a lot of growing up to do, and a lot of manners to re-learn.

I don’t deserve your respect, your love, or your time. I can try to be better, but I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for you. I want to be better, for myself, and for you. I can’t ask you to be patient, and I don’t expect you to want to deal with this. This isn’t your responsibility. I have no choice but to change and grow on my own, or else I’ll never learn.

I’m sorry I wasted your time. I’m clearly not the person that you or I thought that I was. I’m sorry for everything. I like you a lot and I want to be with you. I like spending time with you, and although I clearly am incapable of showing it, I love talking to you. I want to make it work, and I want to improve in any way that makes me a better person. But this isn’t a burden that you deserve to bear. My baggage is not something that someone else should have to deal with. I understand if you want to move on. This isn’t fair to you or anyone else.

I have to admit that I am just not good at this and I am not easy to deal with. I’m inexperienced in every sense of the word. I don’t know what it’s like to live life earning everything that’s given to you and taking advantage of every new opportunity. I don’t know how to be a considerate human being, but I can try. I can try to have manners. Say my “please & thank you’s”, greet people, and say excuse me. I can try to stop interrupting and actually listen. I can try to not take things for granted, and try to appreciate the little things. I can try to not act so spoiled and entitled. I can try to do things on my own. I can try to take the time to talk to you and actually get to know you. I am willing to do anything to make this work, because you are special to me. I know these are just words and not actions, but we won’t know if I’m capable of changing unless we give it a shot. Please give me a chance to show that I can change.

Sincerely,

Justin