You know that thing your parents and your teachers used to tell you? “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Well, you can replace the word “nice” with quite a number of different words. Today, I will use the word “constructive.” Constructive: serving a useful purpose. Before I begin, let me preface this by saying I am not bashing, hating on, or criticizing your efforts. I’m not sub-posting or targeting anyone. I’m writing from the heart, writing what’s been on my mind lately. Unless you’ve been vacationing on another planet or living under a rock, you know what’s been going on in recent days, so I’m not going to rehash it. In response to the protests and the BLM movement I’ve seen numerous posts from white individuals and non-black POC starting with, “I’ve been struggling to think of the words to say,” or “I don’t know what to say,” or something along those lines. It was touching and endearing at first, coming from celebrities realizing that they are extremely blessed and have the opportunity to use their platform to promote change, growth, and equality. But honestly, I’ve gotten quite sick of it. If it’s taken you two plus weeks to think of the words to say, then maybe words didn’t need to be spoken in the first place. Sometimes the best thing for you to do is to shut up and listen. Take a moment of silence.

Think, reflect, and try to understand what is going on. If you can’t understand, then at least try to learn. Take a moment to collect your thoughts, and meditate, and focus on what you can change and what you can do differently. The first thing you have to acknowledge is that if you weren’t born black, you will never know what it’s like to live as a black person in America. Likewise, unless you were born Latinx, you will never know what it’s like to be Latinx in America. The same rings true for every single ethnicity and culture. Unless you belong to a certain group you will only see things with your limited scope from the outside looking in. So the best thing you can do as an ally is listen, first and foremost. Don’t try to speak for others, don’t make it about yourself and the way you feel. How you feel is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if you’re sad, empathetic, or angry. As soon as you say “I…” you’ve misdirected the focus. 

As an Asian American I know what it’s like to conform to stereotypes or play up to your designated role. Honestly, it’s kinda who we are. It’s our identity. We avoid conflict. We’re passive aggressive. We’re obedient. We listen to authority. It’s in our nature. When it comes down to it, our moral code is mainly derived from Taoism. There is no philosophy stressed more in Chinese culture than filial piety. Respecting your parents, elders, and ancestors. As such, it’s been easy for us to accept our role as the model minority. We know who’s in charge, we obey, and we listen. It makes us the safe race. It makes us the perfect group to sit at the white man’s feet. We don’t rock the boat, we don’t rattle the cage. We’re perfectly content with where we are, because it’s not so bad. It could be far worse. That, my friends is a trap that is far too easy for us to get sucked into. For years, we as a people have subconsciously been telling ourselves and others that this is not our fight. On the one hand we know that there’s racial injustice in the world. We can see it. On the other, we’ve been saying that we understand the black man’s struggle, but do we really? Or is it just lip service? Do we say this just so that we look good? Do we say it so we can get a pat on the back? Good, we acknowledge that there is racial injustice in the US and in the world, so what are we going to do about it? If this is “not our fight,” then when is it our fight? We’re the white man’s toady, when will it actually get worse for us? Let’s be real here. We’re in a unique position where we can effect change without experiencing the majority of bigotry stemming from racial and social disparities. If only we’d get our priorities straight.

I don’t know what types of conversations you’ve had with others. I don’t know what your intentions are. I don’t know what your beliefs are. And I’m not going to pretend to. I’m not a mind-reader. In the end, the only person who truly knows is yourself. You know the thoughts running through your brain. You know your intentions. You know your passions and you know your convictions. You can say what you want people to hear. You can say what you want people to believe. For all we know, it could be a disingenuous front. But only you, know what is actually going on in that noggin. I’ll be the first to admit that for too long, I’ve been far too silent on issues such as social inequality, racial injustice, and the like. But there’s a reason I stuck with being a sociology major. A decision that started out whimsical, progressed into fulfilling a requirement, concluded with making an impact. My mindset, my values, my way of life were deeply and thoroughly changed. Everything happens for a reason, the results of which, you may not see for years down the road. I’m sorry to say but for half a decade I squandered my opportunity. I took in and took in, but never put out. My educational background should’ve given me the (not so) unique opportunity to speak to, discuss with, and educate others on hot button topics featured prominently in sociology classes. But I was always too focused on my own issues. Too busy self-deprecating and feeling sorry for myself. Too busy looking at all my flaws and insecurities with the most powerful microscope. I didn’t understand the sort of impact I could have on those around me. But it always starts with you. Change starts in your heart and your brain, and permeates out. You may feel small, but never forget that you are the catalyst. You might not be able to change the world, but you can change yourself and hope to change those around you. Positive energy is contagious.

For most of my life I’ve been a glass half-empty kinda guy. I always saw the bad in every circumstance, I took things for granted, and I wasn’t counting my blessings. My mind was poisoned. Poisoned with negativity and cynicism, seasoned with doubt, anxiety, depression, you name it. Changing your mindset is half the battle; it’s tougher than you know. But it can be done, and it needs to be done. Each and every day is a learning process. Each and every day is a chance for you to grow and shine. In order to do that, you need to strive to be the best version of yourself. You need to accept that you don’t know everything; accept that your way is not necessarily the best way. You can seek knowledge, or you can seek help. There’s no one right answer. But you need to understand that change is necessary for growth. Growth is necessary for maturity. This is what it means to be human. We learn from our mistakes and we seek to lessen our ignorance. Once you conclude that there’s always more for you to learn, it becomes easier. In layman’s terms, this is what it means to be open-minded.

So what does that look like? It starts with listening. You’ll never be able to visualize life in someone else’s shoes unless you listen. Listen to what they’re telling you, pay attention to what they’re showing you. If a black person tells you about their experiences, believe them. Just because what they’re telling you is not what you’ve experienced doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. Each person is unique. No two people are exactly the same. We are all individuals. It seems so simplistic but why don’t we see it? Because we don’t spend enough time listening. We feel the need to butt in, to put in our two cents, to muddy the waters with our opinion on someone else’s reality. Shut up and listen. Which leads me to the second thing that’s irked me lately. We’ve been hearing the words, “silence is violence,” and “if you’re silent, you’re standing with the oppressor.” I mean I pretty much said those exact words last post. Please note that I’m not walking back my comments; I’m not regretting words that were said. But let’s be very clear here. Not being silent ≠ Posting on social media. You can “not be silent” without shitposting. I’ve seen people posting new resources, new BLM content on their IG story. Good on them. But I’ve also seen people posting the same damn thing day after day. Your intentions may be golden, but know that if you’ve run out of new things to post, it’s time for you to shut up and listen. Your voice is not the voice that needs to be heard at this moment. Amplify the black voice. Let the black activist who is more knowledgeable and experienced than you speak. Let the world hear their voice. Now is the time for you to be silent.

Let the black voice be heard. So what does that mean for you? What can you do to “not be silent?” As most things in life, there are different roles for different people. That’s how society functions. Not everyone will be an outspoken activist; not everyone will be a promoter. Not everyone will post on social media. Not everyone will march, not everyone will protest. But there is most definitely a specific role tailored to fit your personality, fit your needs, fit the needs of those around you. Some people prefer to donate in the background. Others seek to educate. Some facilitate deep and intimate conversations with their loved ones around them. There is no one way to speak out, there is no one way to speak up. Each person is free to express in their own peculiar way. And it is important to show your support in the way(s) that feels most comfortable for you. Be genuine in who you are, and what you say and do. Don’t feel pressured to say something just to say something. Don’t say something just to appear woke. Don’t open your mouth or your fingers just to keep up appearances. You may not know the words to say, but others do. Let them do the talking.

Call me old school, but I’m not the biggest fan of social media. There’s too much fishing for likes, too much attention seeking for my taste. Sure, I’ll post every so often, or go on there to view content, but posting incessantly is not my cup of tea. It’s too much. Some days I feel like social media exists solely for people to prove to their friends that they lead interesting lives. To be used to keep tabs on others. On social media, appearances matter, way too much. It ain’t that serious. With that aside, I can see where the statements originate from. Bullshit statements like, “I see your silence,” or “I see what you’re not doing.” Like damn, you don’t know me. Don’t fall into this trap. Don’t believe the lies. Just because you’re not posting, doesn’t mean that you’re being silent. If you’re not the type to post much on social media, don’t feel peer pressured into doing so, without purpose, just because. You’re welcome to support, speak, protest, etc. in your own manner. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how you should be expressing your feelings and emotions. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should protest or how you should speak out. This goes both ways. The only thing you can control is yourself. If you don’t like the way someone is doing something or saying something, then do better. Don’t criticize or call them out. Do better. Lord, knows we all can do better.

Be confident in who you are. Be unwavering in your beliefs and convictions. Words are just words, if they’re not backed up by action and resolution. It starts with you. But it doesn’t have to start with anything groundbreaking. Life begins with the smallest of molecules. Likewise, change can be initiated with the smallest of steps. A giant leap is not necessary for you to begin your path towards enlightenment. It starts with a seed. A seed of truth. What the seed looks like is up to you. How it blooms is up to you. What it becomes is up to you. Seek justice, find truth, uncover ignorance in your own way. Start small. Make mental notes to alter innate behaviors. Start conversations with friends and family. Take a deep dive into the history of systemic racism in our country. Pray or donate. Start thinking and learning. It’s up to you what kind of difference you want to make. It’s for you to determine where the right place to start is. But in your journey, be willing and open to learn, from yourself, from others, from your environment. And never be afraid to defer to others when you can’t think of what to say. It’s okay to be speechless once in a while. Take a moment of silence. The absence of your voice gives you a chance to listen to the voice of the unheard, to listen to humanity, to listen to the universe.