It is finally done. It only took 409 days, but it is complete. I have finished listening to The Wheel of Time on audiobook. What an experience. It was well worth the almost 450 hours that I spent listening to it. I probably could’ve read the series in less than half the time, but I have to admit that I was intimidated. Fourteen volumes. One of the greatest fantasy series of all time. A modern day classic. I had tried to start them several times, but for whatever reason, I was not able to get into them. I guess part of it was knowing that reading this would be a big commitment. I’m the type of reader who likes to read a series from start to finish if it isn’t still ongoing. There’s just too much going on in fantasy novels for you to jump back and forth from multiple worlds. I do have a habit of reading multiple books at once, but no more than four or five at once, and no more than two or three epic fantasies. Otherwise, it’s too overwhelming, too confusing, what have you.

That being said, listening to audiobooks is a new medium that I want to get into. But they are so damn expensive. An Audible subscription is $15 a month, an individual audiobook is $45-50 each. I just don’t have that type of money to throw away especially considering e-books generally cost no more than $8. Plus Audible limits the amount of books you can listen to each month, and the version offered with Prime has a small rotating selection of free books. I don’t want that type of restriction. I do have the Dark Tower audiobook files so that will be next after I listen to the WOT prequel. I’ll have to figure out what I want to do after that though. My logic behind listening to audiobooks is two-fold. There’s a lot of wasted time throughout the day such as when you’re driving, or when you’re playing a mobile game. And it’s much easier to multitask listening to a book as opposed to reading it.

The auditory voyage began last year, the week before Memorial Day. We were going to Montréal to visit our extended family. My parents and my sisters had taken a day or two off of work and were driving up from Massachusetts. I had a solo drive from Long Island. Due to the trouble I was having beginning the series, I planned on listening to the first book to “jump start my interest,” and afterward intended to read the e-books. This never materialized. At some point I decided to forego reading, and just listen to the entire series. I fell in love with the world, and the characters, in a way that I don’t think would’ve been possible without the superb narration and storytelling. I could strongly visualize each description, and event. Don’t get me wrong, I still love reading traditionally, but audio reading is a completely different experience. Some stories are just too rich, too dense to digest fully via text alone. A significant part of reading is comprehending the words that you’re feeding into your mind. This facet is not as involved in audio form. Many of the novels I read are not anywhere near as elaborate as WOT, ASOIAF, and the like. And with how expensive audiobooks are, I will not be spending heavily in this area. But to maximize the value of my dollar and to get the most fulfilling experience, I will find a way to acquire audiobooks for a number of the most comprehensive sagas.

I’ve occasionally referred to the last 7 years of my life as a fantastical journey. It began when I started reading Game of Thrones for the first time, and I feel it will continue on until the day I die. That’s what reading is for me. It’s part of my lifestyle. There is no end. I don’t foresee a time when I stop reading completely. There are new worlds to explore, new conflicts to spectate. New writers and old writers to discover. Escapism in portable form. One of the wrongest statements my mom ever made was, “people don’t really read anymore,” in response to me telling her that I wanted to become a writer. Writing, world building for me is still a work in progress. I’m still in the brainstorming, infancy stages. An ignorant, insensitive statement won’t stop me from pursuing my dream though. I will one day become a published fantasy author. I am willing it into existence. It will happen, because I will make it happen. And I’m not doing it for fame or notoriety or money. I’m doing it because it’s how I want to, and how I know I will make an impact. So what does that look like? It requires me to write, to read, to think, to research.

Without sounding like a broken record, out of those four aspects, writing has for years, been my biggest weakness. I made excuses instead of making content. I gave reasons for not writing, instead of actually writing. That’s as much as I’ll say about that, without repeating myself too much. The other three all go hand in hand. In order to gather ideas, to brainstorm plot & device, it involves reading, it involves thinking, it involves research. Someone recently asked me if I had given up on my novel. But it’s not like that at all. I have a premise, I have a few characters, I have a setting, and I have loose ideas. The glue is not yet there, nor is the meat of the story. But it doesn’t mean I’ve given up. Giving up sounds too much like finality. But how can we call the story finished when it’s barely just begun? It may take years, it may take decades, but I will help birth this tale, no matter the cost.

So for right now, I have taken a step back. I’ve been a step back for the last three months, but it doesn’t mean I’ve been wasting my time. I’m gathering info, I’m gaining inspiration, I’m bouncing ideas in my head. What character archetypes do I want to use? What real life cultural influences am I drawing from? What is the conflict? Who are the factions? These are a few of the many questions that I need to consider. Research must be done, especially for historical and/or societal texture. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun while conducting my research. Inspiration for stories, for new worlds, comes from everywhere, ranging from everyday life, to books, to movies, to videogames, to history. So for now, I am gathering information and making mental notes.

And that, like much of the rest of my life, is a subtle but major change that occurred in the last two years. Fear has played a significant role in my life throughout the years. One of the ways it revealed itself was in my decision making, especially when it came to reading selection or meal choice. I was always afraid of being disappointed, and thus would hold myself back from trying certain things. Your fear of disappointment is directly proportionate to the amount of risk-taking you inhibit. And boy, I can tell you, I blatantly obstructed any thrill-seeking. I used to say that I was spontaneous and adventurous, but that was far from the truth. I’m working on that, and I’m better about it now. But like many things, it’s still a work in progress. One way that I’ve progressed is in the type of fiction that I read.

For years, I’ve been hesitant to try new authors or different genres. But in order for my stories to be as immersive and complete as possible, I need outside influence. I need to explore my surroundings. Take in more of what I see, what I read, what I hear. Genre in a way is a binding concept. It sets expectations for outside consumers. If you like this, you will probably like that. It has its positives and its negatives. Yes, it promotes clearer organization, it helps to classify like items. But don’t let it paint you into a corner. Don’t let it trap you, and prevent your story from flowing naturally. There is much disparity within genres. Nothing is homogenous. Each author has their own take on many of the same tropes. Each author has their own style, and each individual sees the world differently. That is the basis of humanity. We have free will. We are not robots. That being said, why should our writing be robotic? Why does it need to be formulaic? Why does it need to fit in a box? Writing is an artistic expression of humanity. In order for your writing to be genuine, you need to let it flow. Let what’s important to you invigorate your stories. Let your passions show through. Don’t be afraid to genre bend.

Earlier in the year, I decided that I wasn’t going to be afraid anymore. That starts with risk-taking. That starts small. That starts with a conscious thought to try different things. To not be afraid of being disappointed by a new author. Nobody is telling me that I have to like every book I read. I don’t have to finish every book that I start. If something dissatisfies, it’s okay to let go, and move on. Log it in my mind to skip that author next time. After all, I won’t know if I like them, until I try. I do know that I can’t just continue with the status quo. If I truly want the lessons I’ve learned in therapy to take root, some change needs to occur. It doesn’t need to be wide scale or wholesale, but something needs to happen. It’s good to try new things, and to broaden your experiences. So instead of the same old epic fantasy or sword & sorcery, I’ve been checking out various things. After all there’s a lot more to unearth in speculative fiction. There’s sci-fi, horror, dystopian, slice-of-life. Some of it is nuanced, but some of it is as different as left is from right. Broad scopes, different strokes. There’s a lot to draw from. Magnum opuses from different mediums, different times.

That being said, I want to devote more time to reading classics. Literary giants like Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, William Faulkner. Feminist literature such as Jane Austen, Charlotte Brontë, Virginia Woolf. I want to consume more sci-fi and urban fantasy. And most importantly go back to the 80s and 90s to explore the fantasy landscapes that I’ve been too afraid to traverse. To visit Discworld, Malazan, Ere, Osten Ard. I’m no longer dominated by fear. I’m no longer dominated by intimidation. For my world to thrive, I have to constantly take in more from things around me. Build from the bottom up. Some authors can create multiple universes. Jump from story to story. A quick in and out. Enclosed stories within limited worlds. But that ain’t me. I’m a one world type of guy. I have a grand vision. A universe existent in my mind. The pieces of the puzzle are lying within. All I need to do is uncover them.

So I will range far and wide to find the perfect elements to incorporate. I will weave and build and create a masterpiece. I expect nothing less. The building blocks are there. The influences are there for me to uncover. It will be a monstrous task. But I need to look within. Gather from without. Weave, craft, and work some magic. It’s a coming, and it may be slow. But somehow, some way, some day, the stories in my mind will come to life. They tell you in school to let your imagination run wild. And truth be told, that’s never been an issue for me. The issue has always been making good use of it. Being productive. Not being stagnant or apathetic. Using my God-given ability to create things that I’m proud of. I didn’t always know it, but I was meant to be a creator. I’m meant to be a builder of worlds. A dreamweaver. I’m waiting patiently for my own Big Bang. Crafting it slowly. Years of thinking, years of processing will one day culminate in a great work of art that I will be immensely proud of. You best believe it. The mind of Justin will be epic. Work needs to be done for my ideas to come to fruition. But one day, my story will be complete, and I will be pleased to share it with the world around me.