As you know, August has historically been a tough month for me. One filled with disappointment, regret, anguish, and distress. But this year is different, as was last year. It’s now October, and I made it through unscathed. Hallelujah! There were little to no tears in August or September this year. There were bad moments, but no bad days. I’m telling you, I’m different now. I won’t fall back into that chasm, beating my drum of gloom & doom. I’m a better person, a happier person, a healthier person. A more helpful person. I’ve certainly been blessed in 2020. And although Covid sucks (can’t believe I’m still saying this in goddamn October), we have to make the most of it.

The entire situation was unforeseen, even if you were paying attention to China in January. No one expected the whole world to fall apart. But that’s why you have to prepare for the worst. You can’t always go into things willy-nilly. Balance is always key. Being prepared is essential. I’ll admit, spontaneity is something I sorely lack, but I’m not caught with my pants down very often. Very little surprises me or phases me, maybe this is my cynicism speaking. But I would like to think that I’m very logical and realistic as well. Some positive traits passed onto me from my dad. And I’m extremely grateful for it. Cause although I’m not super motivated by money, I do think a whole lot about my financial situation. Or at least I did. Once I started working and got my own credit card(s) I put a strong emphasis on thinking about what rent I could afford and what sort of lifestyle I could live. I always paid my credit card balance in full, on time. I always set aside enough money for rent. I tried to keep between $3000 and $5000 in my account as a rainy day fund (that cushion has since increased significantly). I never spent money I didn’t have. No one taught me this behavior, I learned it on my own.

Which unfortunately was also the case for most millennials. They never taught us about financial stability or financial freedom. They told us when we came of age that we needed to start being responsible, but they never told us how. And if they did, they didn’t say it loud enough. But let’s be honest, the old generation probably wasn’t told about this either. Life is a lot of figuring things out on your own. Trial and error. College does a lot of teaching you how to discern, and filling you with knowledge. But where higher education seriously lacks is in teaching life skills. It’d be great if we were taught how to cook, buy a house, rent a car, write business emails, be frugal. If they taught us about interest, 401ks/IRAs, or credit cards. But alas we weren’t, we were sent off into the world and told to figure it out. Some people sink right away, while others flourish. But most tread water until they reach a point of reckoning. That all comes with the burden of being an adult. We don’t have to have all the answers, but we need to at least be willing to seek them out, and to keep an open mind.

We’re told this all the time growing up. But sometimes you don’t fully understand what it means until you mature. Keeping an open mind pertains to lifestyle, personality, and desires, amongst other things. But a subtlety that’s often missed is taking it to mean being prepared for anything that life throws at you. It means equipping yourself with the right tools and setting yourself up for success. In order to keep an open mind in every facet of your life you need to have freedom. Freedom to do what you want, buy what you want. Freedom to live the life you want, the life you deserve. To not be beholden to your financial situation, your job, or other people. You don’t have to make a lot of money to not be broke, as long as you live within your means. It’s hard to save money at first, but it gets easier. It comes with the knowledge and understanding that you don’t need all this shit. You don’t need ALL the latest gadgets, you don’t need to buy everything that you want, and you don’t need additional clutter. I’ll admit, I have a lot of shit, my parents have a lot of shit. We might be borderline hoarders. But a lot of what we have is old. We use things until they breakdown. We continue using things that still partially work. I’d like to think that I’m low maintenance and easy going. I don’t spend money on expensive things. I do buy things that I don’t need, but I have the freedom to do so if I want to. I don’t owe anyone anything.

Again, Covid sucks. But I wasn’t stressing during my quarantine. Because I thought things through, because I planned things out. I wasn’t reliant on the $1200 stimulus check. It was bonus money for me, but my life wasn’t depending on it. I was able to survive because I had money squirreled away. But again, balance is key. There’s such a thing as saving too much, just as there’s such a thing as saving too little. There’s spending too much time alone, and there’s spending too much time with others. Don’t invest so much in your future that you forget to live in the present. Don’t focus so much on the present that you don’t prepare yourself for the future. Balance is something I’m still learning. Something we’re all still learning. It’s a cyclical process. You learn, you understand, you find balance, until you reach your next milestone, until your circumstance changes. And your circumstance will change. It will always change. That’s the way of life. Your situation may stay constant, your schedule remain consistent, but only for a moment. Every minute we grow older; each new day is something different.

Since life goes on, you have to always be prepared. Don’t have a kid if you’re not ready. Don’t buy a house if you don’t have the finances. Accidents and mistakes happen, but they are more bearable if you’ve spent the time previously to plan things out. For many, the American Dream is to buy a house before you turn 30, to move up the corporate ladder, or to run your own business/be your own boss. But let me tell you, these dreams are not for everyone. It’s perfectly fine to have your own benchmark for success, to dream your own dreams, to blaze your own trail. I for one, can tell you that none of those three dreams would’ve worked out for me. If I bought a house before 30 I would’ve been broke years ago. I do want to buy a house at some point, but I’m not capping myself with an arbitrary time limit. I do not currently have the means to buy a house. If I were to move up the corporate ladder I would be miserable. I don’t like managing other people, I don’t like being in charge, I don’t like sucking up to the man, I don’t like being responsible for other people’s action/inaction. Really, I don’t like people period. If I tried to run my own business I would also be broke. Yes, my end goal is to work for myself, but not in the traditional sense. I’ve learned through the years that a 9-to-5 is not what I’m meant for. I don’t need to re-stress how valuable my writing is to me. These conventional dreams are not attainable for me, and that’s ok. What’s important is staying true to myself. I know what I value, and I know what success looks like for me. I know what I’m looking for, and I know what fulfilling my dream will look like. Once I began to understand what my purpose truly was, I found peace. And I hope that you find peace as well.

Remember that just because your goals don’t line up with someone else’s goals doesn’t mean that you’re on a lower level than them. You’re not on a different tier. Your dream is not any less legitimate. Don’t ever think that you’re lesser or that your dream is inferior. You’re slaying it. I know you are. Take back control. Step out of someone else’s shadow and pave your own way. Don’t live your parents’ dream for you. Don’t cater to your friend’s aspirations. Live your life as it’s meant to be lived. Stay true to yourself. Wholly dedicated to your ambition, and your ambition alone. But hear me when I say this. This does not mean getting what’s yours at whatever the cost. It means putting the work in to get what you want, but not being an asshole in doing so. It means not shitting on other’s dreams in order to build yourself up. It means not blocking someone else’s pursuits. We as humans are meant to work together, we can’t do everything on our own. There’s a lot more for us to learn, and a lot of this can be learned together. So be willing to accept help. Be willing to offer help. Be willing to acknowledge that sometimes you don’t have the answers, and be content with that. You don’t need to have all the answers. You won’t ever have all the answers. But know that we’re in this together. We’re here to build a better world for the future.

Each person plays a different role. Each individual has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. What’s beneficial for you may not be what’s beneficial for me, and vice versa. It’s thus our duty to pass on what we know, in hopes that someone else benefits from our experience. There isn’t one right way to live. We are not robots. Each person has their own nuanced way of thinking. Their own habits, their own interests, their own desires. That being said, don’t let anyone dampen your individuality. Don’t be afraid to be you. That’s something that took me a long time to learn. I was always so afraid of what people thought about me or worrying about being judged. But at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter. You learn from your mistakes and you move on. There’s no need to dwell on something embarrassing that happened years ago. There’s no reason to focus on stupid things you’ve said, or things you’ve done in anger. We live in the present, and we reminisce on the past. But we do not live in the past, devoting our attention to memories of former glory. Remember what I said in a previous post? We’re on an upwards trajectory, and with that we look ahead, we do not look behind.

Behind me is my depression. Behind me is my anxiety. Behind me is my fear of living up. Behind me are expectations that people had for me. Behind me is brokenness. But most importantly behind me is lack of confidence and self-love. I know what my worth is. I know my purpose. I know what my skillset is. My healing has come, and I’m ready to move onwards. No more wallowing, no more feeling sorry for myself. And with confidence, comes knowledge that I’m meant for so much more. I’m more than capable of pursuing and fulfilling my dreams. And to be quite honest, for a long time I had forgotten how to dream, I didn’t think I was allowed to. I thought dreams were just for kids. But that’s a lie from the devil. A lie told to minimize your productivity, to limit you from reaching your potential. You should always strive for something better, always strive for something more.

That’s why I can say with confidence that 2020 is still my year, it’s still your year, it’s still our year. Although things have not happened as expected, some good has still come out of this unprecedented situation. I’ve committed to my writing, I left a toxic work environment, I graduated from therapy, I learned to love myself. And I can only begin to tell you how critical all of this was to my development. In my writing, I found a goal, I found the drive that I felt I was so sorely lacking. I found satisfaction, I found fulfillment. In leaving my previous job, I achieved the following: ridding myself of excessive stress and aggravation; removing myself from the controlling grip of an impossible boss; freeing my mind from stewing negativity and bitterness; and reversing from a dead-end where I felt stuck. There were many valuable lessons I learned from therapy, so I won’t definitively state that one was most important. Each lesson has helped me in different ways. At the very least I will say that this one was vital: I learned to redefine my center line. I refocused my base. Instead of starting my days frustrated, and stacking annoyances, I was told to set my base at 0, and return to my centerline. This helped greatly in changing my thought process and my mind state. It helped me to evaluate my life in a different manner. No longer was I living a bad life or leading a shitty existence. I was now having a bad day in an otherwise great month, great year, great life. And that little distinction, that redefining means everything. It’s mind-blowing, it upends your world.

And it leads to other revelations, and a better understanding of yourself. I stopped being dependent on other people, I stopped seeking validation in others. Their opinions of me stopped mattering. Cause people will think what they want to think, they’re going to act how they want to act, they’re going to see what they want to see. There’s no changing that. You can try to influence your peers but there’s no guarantee that they will listen to you, let alone obey you. As such, the only thing you can control is yourself: your words, your thoughts, your actions, your reactions. I can say with conviction that confidence and self-love are the keys to living up to your fullest potential. Knowing your purpose frees you from the yoke of meeting other’s expectations. Having a healthy mind pays dividends in finding comfort for your soul. Knowing what you want in life prevents you from living every day on repeat. Stop going through the motions, there are brighter days ahead. There’s plenty to look forward to. 

And with that knowledge, there came another great realization for me. Seeking validation from those around me was more detrimental to me than I had ever imagined. Seeking validation prevented me from dreaming, from healing, from searching. Validation held me back, it made me fear missing out. It was like a leash pulling me here and there. It was my control. I let validation and FOMO drag me around because I wasn’t happy with myself. I didn’t want to be left behind because I feared the dark thoughts I had on my own. I feared the negativity in my mind. I feared the shadow of unchecked emotion that was hiding inside. I feared the collision of my mind and my heart. The pent up angst, the unbridled rage, the unresolved decades of hurt. So I locked it in a box, hidden behind all the haze. And soon, I forgot who I was.

My expectations became their expectations, my pursuits became synonymous with their pursuits. And that is why I was in a rut for so long. I was in a true downturn in my life. Bogged down by negativity and nihilism. My life felt worthless, and let’s be honest, it was worthless. I wasn’t living how I wanted to live, but I didn’t know how to do better, I didn’t know how to heal. I was always trying to please my parents or my friends, my work or the church. But what did I want for myself? What did I truly desire? I didn’t know, because I wasn’t in tune with my emotions. I ignored my mental well-being because I wanted validation. But I don’t need it, you don’t need it. Find your true purpose, find your true calling, and pursue it for as long as you have the desire, the passion. Once the passion fades, it’s onto something new. Onwards and upwards. No Mo FOMO. Brighter days ahead.