2021 has simultaneously passed quickly and progressed slowly. If 2020 was the strangest year in the past decade, then 2021 was a close second. It felt like an eternity, but we’ve finally reached the end. So what better time to do some reflecting? Similar to the outlook of the year I feel like there were times when my writing was flourishing, and there were others when it stagnated. No question, my writing has gotten better. I can see it when comparing old writing with new. No surprise there, that’s how it goes. When you’re working on perfecting your craft, you want it to improve. That’s the expectation. And I think I can objectively say that it has. But the problem I’ve come across is that I haven’t been doing enough of it. 

I’ve been trying to develop a habit, but it’s tough when your schedule is inconsistent. There were times when I went to visit my parents or went on vacation, and I fell out of a groove. It took a little longer to get started again. No surprise there either. I’ve said this before, but it’s akin to starting from Park as opposed to starting from Gear 1. It’s an acceptable process every so often, but if you’re constantly stopping and starting you won’t hit your checkpoints, and your quality of work will suffer. So one expectation that I have for myself moving forward is being more consistently in gear. Easier said than done. Real work has gotten in the way of the work that I want to do unfortunately. 2021 has been much busier than 2020 in that aspect. Last year was busy but manageable. I worked extra hours but I was able to cope. I was able to keep up with the workload. But this year, work exploded. Even with my extra hours I haven’t been able to keep up with the workload, which has left me drained and has diminished my brainpower. That much is about to change, but that’s a story for a different time. A story that I’m not quite ready to share because it’s not over yet, so you’ll just have to stay tuned for next time.

So I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I would like. There are no excuses for that. In the end, it’s on me. I made the decision to work extra hours. I made the decisions to go on vacation or visit my parents. I made the decision to write or not to write. I’m the master of my own life. But I’m also the storyteller. In the end, I’m the one in control of the story. No one else can claim that. I’m the one pulling the pieces out of the veil and melding them together. I’m the one reaching into the depths of my imagination and crafting an opus. It’s me, all me. So there are no excuses for the story not to come together the way that I want it to. This is my world to shape. And believe me, it’s coming together, slowly but surely. I can see the separate threads being woven together, but it’s nowhere near done. I still have a lot of work to do. But that means putting much more time and effort into it. I can’t keep letting myself get caught up with life. So my question to myself lately has been why wait? Why have I been waiting? Why do I continue to wait?

Why wait? That’s a question everyone should ask themselves. It’s not just a question for me to ask myself. Check in on yourself periodically! What’s going on externally does not always line up with what’s going on internally. But how would you know that if you didn’t take some time to reflect? We were meant to live our lives, not just muddle about and exist. We were meant to live, and live to the fullest. To meet opportunity head-on and take it by the horns. We are in control. We are the walkers, not the walked. We are the leaders, not the led. We do not wait for things to happen. We go out and pursue that which we seek. 

But I’ll be honest. I’ve spent a good amount of my life waiting for things to come to me. I did not ask myself the right questions. I did not seek out opportunities. I made excuses and I was weighed down by inaction. My self-loathing and my doubt won out every time. My lack of confidence reigned over my life. I did not know what I wanted, and I did not know what I was good at. I was wandering around aimlessly, without goals in mind. I didn’t have anything to drive me and I sorely lacked motivation. Because I didn’t know what my higher calling was. I had not realized my purpose. But when I found out what it was, it was the most liberating feeling in the world. It turns out everything was within grasp. Everything was right there, laid out in front of me. I was already equipped with all the tools that I needed. But I didn’t know it.  

I didn’t know it because I lacked self-awareness. I didn’t know it because I didn’t spend much time reflecting. My eyes were tinted by the shade of negativity. My woe is me attitude did me no favors. My sense of despair became an unbearable burden, building up over the course of many years. I didn’t let go of my hurt feelings; I didn’t let go of my anger. As a result, dark thoughts clouded my judgment. My mistakes were compounded with more mistakes and more excuses, leaving me in constant neutrality. Two steps forward, two steps back. Never progressing, never improving, never excelling. I was stuck in a cycle of mediocrity. Or so I thought. Turns out it was just a mindset. I had conditioned myself to have a negative outlook, to be pessimistic, to look on things with skepticism. I didn’t take responsibility for my situation, I didn’t hold myself accountable,  and I was held back by fear.

This isn’t a unique outlook. Far from it. Many young folk nowadays lack self-awareness. Many people are bogged down by fear. Neither of these is inherently bad. But don’t let either thing control you. Know that these are areas that can use improvement. Being in tune with your vulnerabilities allows for proper growth. The more you know about yourself, the more capable you are of tackling all of life’s challenges. When you don’t acknowledge your weaknesses or don’t accept that you’re capable of making mistakes you’re doing yourself a disservice. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to be realistic. You don’t want delusion to creep in. EVER. Know that we’ll never be perfect versions of ourselves, we’ll never meet our ideal, and that’s ok. Thinking otherwise is expecting the impossible. But that doesn’t mean we don’t still try.

The biggest project in our lives is ourselves. Since nobody is ever a finished product, we have no choice but to keep tinkering and improving. The only other option you have is complacency, which inevitably leads to failure. And nobody wants that. Rot, mold, being stuck in the mire. Work on yourself, otherwise you risk seeing your world fall apart. I dunno about you, but I’d rather not find out what that looks like (again). I’ll take option 1, thank you very much. I’ve seen my world fall apart before. I’ve seen what I had thought to be the lowest low. But know that even at your worst, there could be worse… But there could also be better. Much better. Life isn’t just about improvement and growth, it’s about finding healing. Finding serenity. Finding inner peace. Finding ways to make it through each day while also keeping your cool. Finding ways to not sweat the little things.

And let’s be honest, in the grand scheme of things most everything is small and inconsequential. So sweating the small stuff is wasted energy. Don’t let them affect you too much. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when anger, rage, or bitterness are justified. But it doesn’t have to be all the time. In fact, it shouldn’t be all the time, or even most of the time. The mark of being mature is keeping your emotions in check. Being calm, cool, and collected. Only children throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want. Only babies scream and shout when they don’t get their way. Being quick to anger is a puerile response in a grown-up world. I know it doesn’t always seem that way; not everyone seems to understand this. There are people much older than us who still act up, who are prone to lashing out, who reign with fear, I know and understand that. It appears that they just never grew up. Never let go of their entitlement, never got over their “me first” attitude. But we don’t have to stoop to their level. We can reject toxicity. Not force others to walk on eggshells around us. Not act in arrogance, whether intentional or unintentional. We aren’t destined to repeat the errors and mistakes of our fathers and forefathers. We have a choice.

We can choose to be different. Choose to be great. Choose to walk on a higher plane. Your life is a series of choices: good, bad or indifferent. You’re not stuck. Just because you’ve chosen one route to your destination doesn’t mean you can’t change directions and try a different approach. No one is stopping you, aside from fear and expectation. Your own worst enemy is yourself. Your greatest barrier is you. So why wait? Sometimes all you need is a swift kick in the behind or a knock on the head. Something to motivate you to aspire for more, aspire for better, aspire for greater. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we’re on a path towards greatness. Nothing can get in our way, nothing can stop us. But we won’t get further if we don’t get started.

Things have to start from somewhere. That’s how it works. Every action or event has an origin. You don’t just become great or make great things out of the blue. There are steps to it. It starts as a seed in your mind. It starts with finding your strengths and your passions. It starts with a decision. A decision to be better than what you’ve been, and to continue to be a better version of yourself each and every day. That allows you to do great things, to keep creating. Every profession, every vocation either creates something or fixes something. Think about it. Artists, musicians, authors all create content. Plumbers or electricians fix housing issues. Chefs and cooks create meals. Psychologists and therapists fix people. Salesmen create sales. Customer service support fixes problems. It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as you’re good at it, have a passion for it or both; keep creating, keep fixing, keep excelling. The alternative is mediocrity. And mediocrity breeds contempt.

Strive for better. Strive for greater. Why wait? I’ve done enough waiting in my life. Made enough excuses. At some point in your life, you have to stop talking, and start doing. Talking about things is progress in a way, but it’s also inaction in another sense. It’s a different form of excuse making. It’s a different way of waiting. You just have to do it. Don’t keep putting things off for later. Later may never come. You might already have the tools necessary for you to pursue greatness, for you to succeed. You might not. Either way, the seed that you’ve grown requires you to water it and foster it. You won’t get better at something unless you do it and do it and do it. Habits are formed through repetitive action. Skills are refined through constant practice. People don’t usually make masterpieces on their first attempts. It takes time and effort. You won’t become a celebrity overnight. Musicians didn’t just come out of the blue to hit the billboards. We can’t always see the effort they put in, but believe me, it didn’t just happen. It took years and years of hard work. In a day and age where instant gratification is expected or preferred, toil & effort seems unnecessary or illogical. But know this: if you want to create great things you have plenty of work to do.

Don’t wait, just create!