This wonderful journey has taught me many things—about myself, about my expectations, about my hopes and dreams. I’ve been “cooking” for a little over three years now, but I’m ready to show the world. I know what I’m capable of, and it’s time to let em know. 

When I first started out, I was figuring stuff out as I went along. Let’s be honest, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I learned. And I was writing. That was the most important thing. You can’t become a better writer without practice. There’s a saying that goes that you have to write a million words before you’re able to write something worthy to be published. This is a bit of hyperbole but probably not by much. No one is going to be able to write a perfect manuscript right off the bat. It takes debuting authors years before their novel sees the light of day. 

Writing is a tough medium to master, especially if you’re looking to become a novelist. There’s likely to be years of toil without any tangible result. You don’t contact publishers or agents until you have something that you feel good about. They don’t offer contracts based off of ideas or half-assed work. You need to have something that’s finished and fairly polished. How long it takes to create such a thing is up to the individual. Each writer develops at their own pace. Unfortunately for us, sometimes it’s hard to gauge our progress, especially when we’re writing in isolation. We need affirmation from others in order to keep us going. It’s not the end all, be all though. If your primary reason for writing is anything other than that writing is good for you and makes you feel fulfilled, then your priorities are all wrong. You write for yourself first and foremost. 

Fame and fortune doesn’t come from writing necessarily. It might happen, but more than likely it won’t. Most writers don’t become George R. R. Martin or Stephen King, but it doesn’t mean that we give up trying. We all have a lot to give. We all have something to offer. We have knowledge we can impart. We have stories to tell. But most importantly we have people that we can help. We aren’t meant to be sponges our whole lives, taking taking taking without giving back. It’s fine to be one for a time, but once we’ve learned, once we’ve healed, its time to bestow unto others. Making an impact is the name of the game. It doesn’t matter how big or small. 

Be intentional. Be grateful. Be encouraging. Look to have thought-provoking conversation. Look to brighten someone’s day. Help those around you. Even something as simple as holding the door for a stranger can go a long way. Don’t be so self-absorbed that you can’t see what’s around you. Don’t forget to thank those that help you. Don’t forget to be kind. But most of all don’t forget to do everything in your power to be a decent human being. Oftentimes that’s lost in our journey up the corporate ladder. We’re told such things as “good guys finish last,” or “you always have to look out for number one.” The “good guys” that finish last are the ones that let themselves be taken advantage of. You can be a good guy without being a human doormat. You can look out for yourself without being an asshole. You can be ambitious without stepping on other people’s backs. Just because everyone else is doing things the same way doesn’t mean that you need to follow. Forge your own path. Birth your own career. March to the beat of your own drum.

But be realistic. Be aware. Know where you stand in the grand scheme. Don’t be so relentless in your pursuits that you inflate your self-worth. Don’t overvalue your skillset. Don’t put on an air of entitlement—acting like the world owes you something. No one owes you a single dime. Every accomplishment in life requires effort. All praise needs to be earned. No favors come for free. In order to get something out of life, you need to put something in. On the other hand, it’s time to stop self-deprecating. Time to stop undervaluing your importance. You mean something to someone. That’s the truth. Someone somewhere cares about you. Someone will miss you when you’re gone. So it’s best to know where you stand.

Some people were meant to work a 9-5, some people were meant to go off the beaten path. Some people need structure and value conformity. Others would prefer to find their own way. No one way is right, no one way is wrong. One thing can work for some, but not for others. No piece of advice is meant for everyone. Of course you should listen  objectively to anyone willing to invest in you, but know that the mileage may vary. Their advice may or may not work for you, you have to determine that for yourself. Each person lives a unique life with unique circumstances and unique backgrounds. We owe it to ourselves to find out who we are. 

For most of my life I never really fit into a specific box. I was always a bit eccentric, for good or for ill. This was a point of contention for a long time. My internal struggle centered around balancing fitting in with keeping my individuality. I think it’s safe to say that the latter won out in the end. But it took some time to reach that point. It took understanding who I was and learning to love myself for it. I couldn’t start thriving until I accepted that this was who I was. I needed to learn to be proud of where I came from, and be excited for where I was going. It was hard at first, but became easier over time. That’s the case with most things. Habits don’t form overnight. Changes don’t happen in a day. You need to keep working at it—always molding and tinkering. Sow your seeds now, and keep on watering them. Eventually something will grow. Something beautiful and abundant.

We were meant to do so much more than eke out a mediocre existence. We were called to be fruitful and to add some meaning to life. We were meant to seek greatness in everything that we do. If we aren’t trying our absolute hardest to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, then what exactly are we doing? We help ourselves first, then we help others. You take and then you give back. That’s the circle of life. Of course, you can’t give back if you have nothing to give. Take some time to focus on your growth, to discover yourself, to find your purpose. Don’t try to tackle everything at once. Take it one day at a time. If your today is better than your yesterday then it’ll lead to a better tomorrow. If you’re better now than you were a week ago then it means that you’re on the right track. Rejoice in that. 

You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad days. Don’t beat yourself up too much. A step back doesn’t mean that you’ve regressed. Regression is a steady trend in the wrong direction. One bad day does not constitute that. But don’t let it become more than what it is. Don’t allow your bad days to stack. Decompress and destress. Don’t circulate negativity in your head before you go to sleep. When you’re in bed you need to rest. Your stresses, worries, and anxieties can be tackled in the morning. Use a diffuser, smoke weed, count sheep if you have to. When you’re ready to sleep, do so. Calm yourself as you go to sleep, and you will wake up calm. 

You need to start your day off right, with a healthy mindset. Each morning should be seen as a reset. Each day is its own. Try not to let yesterday’s frustrations carry on into today. Of course, it’s unavoidable sometimes, but don’t let it become a habit. This is how regression occurs—allowing yourself to become more miserable each subsequent day. Start each morning with a refresh. You’ll feel better for it. Treat each moment, good or bad, as its own. Take a second to breathe. Return back to zero. 

This was something that I learned early on in therapy, and it’s stuck with me since. Before I found my healing I had a tendency to let singular events tank my day. One nasty customer on the phone and I would resign myself to the “fact” that “this day sucks,” but I would ignore all the good that had happened. The outcome of my day should not have been dictated by one lousy experience. Each moment is its own. A bad moment doesn’t have to lead to a bad day. A bad day doesn’t have to lead to a bad week. A bad week doesn’t have to lead to a bad month. This has become more and more evident to me the more that I write.

Some days are more productive than others, some days are less, some days I don’t feel like I can even write at all. At times I feel like I’m the best writer in the world, at others I feel like I can’t form a coherent sentence. It’s all part of the process. Writing, like most things in life has ebbs and flows. But you need to stick with it. Persistence is key. If you let every negative comment or piece of criticism get to your head then you won’t ever reach the lofty expectations that you’ve set for yourself. Don’t let yourself be held back by doubt. You will have lovers and you will have haters. That’s a given. Anything that’s said will affect you one way or another—it can’t always be helped. But at the end of the day, outside opinion matters, but it isn’t what matters the most. Your opinion of yourself is what matters the most. Know your worth. You are capable of achieving everything that you set your mind to. But you have to be in tune with yourself, check in every once in a while. Know what works for you.

For me, I value all feedback, positive or negative. It helps me form an accurate picture of where I am at. I need one-star reviews just as much as I need five-star ones. It helps me fine-tune my approach. I need people to tell me that I suck, and I need people that will praise me. It keeps me level-headed—the hate prevents my ego from ballooning, the love keeps me motivated. The negativity used to sap my confidence, throw me into a rut. But I needed that. It helped me to gain a more realistic understanding of how far I’ve developed as a writer. The first shitty comment is always the hardest, but each subsequent one gets easier to bear. Hatred and doubt no longer drain me, they fuel me instead. I know how good of a writer I am but I also understand that I still need work. I reach onwards and upwards, but I know that I will never attain perfection. I will never be a finished product, but that doesn’t stop me from continuously reaching. Once you stop reaching, once you stop dreaming is when stagnation settles in. 

Stagnation is the ally of decay, the enemy of growth. In order to chase your dreams you need to keep moving forward. Work on your craft. Better yourself. Learn more. If you’re passionate about what you do, it won’t feel tedious. The effort you put in, the time you spend early on, will pay off later. I can say without a doubt that my efforts have paid off, but I’m not done yet—nowhere close. I speak differently now, that’s what my therapist told me. And there’s a reason for that. As I’ve improved as a writer, I’ve discovered my voice. I’ve learned what I do know and what I don’t know. I’ve learned what to do, and what not to do. I know what sort of a writer I am. I’ve unveiled the strengths and weaknesses in my skillset. I can look at all feedback objectively and determine if it has legitimacy. Anything that’s unhelpful or untrue I can throw out and ignore. I know where I stand.

The more I write, the more confident I get. Confidence comes with improvement. And improvement comes as a result of my hard work. I didn’t always have something to show for it, but I do now. This hobby of mine went from something that I thought that I was capable of to something that I know I’m capable of. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. When the time comes, my novel will be a reflection of my best work, as will the ensuing series. I’m still typing away, still crafting my story. It’s still in the workshop, but I’m making meaningful progress. The time will come when I’m ready to show it to the world, but for now this should suffice. 

This blog has been in existence since 2014 (albeit with a different URL), but for six years posts were sporadic. I started taking this seriously in 2020, but I was writing for myself. In 2023 I know who I am and what I am. I know what I can and will become. I know what I can offer. This blog is for you: the broken, the hurting, and the decaying. I’m here to offer hope, I’m here to offer peace, I’m here to offer healing. I know what my purpose is, and I gotta let em know.