It seems to always come and go
Rearing its head up when I least expect it
I thought I was over this!
I thought this was fixed
I thought this was a part of my past
Never to return

But I was sorely mistaken
It comes and goes as it pleases
It’s part of my life
A daily struggle
Will I give in? Or will I soldier on?
Will I allow it to dictate how I feel?
Will I allow it to be my master?

I’ve conquered it before
And I’ll conquer it again
But some days feels so bleak
Some weeks are so unbearably dark
A cloud looms overhead
Bitterness fills my heart

I try to be stronger
I try to be better
But sometimes its just so hard
Some days I can’t get out of bed
Some days I can’t help but despair
But as soon as it comes, it’s gone again like a whisper
A blip on the radar, just a few days or a week here and there

Am I crazy? Did I imagine it?
What had made me feel so sad?
What had made me lose all hope?
Did it even happen? Was it even real?

Something is broken inside of my soul
There are times when it feels fixed
But I am never whole
It’s part of my life, always has been, always will be
I wish I could be better
I wish I could heal and not look back
But that’s just wishful thinking
Hoping for a miracle that isn’t going to happen
All I can do is do the best that I can do
Work with what I have

It will be my constant companion
Poking its head up to remind me that it’s there
Every day will be a battle
Every day will be about conquering my fear
I won’t let it win
But I have to remind myself time and time again
This isn’t a war I can win for good

Everyday will be a battle
Everyday I will need to fight
I will need to prove myself again and again
I will need to show that I am bigger than my struggle
I am better than this
I can overcome

But each time it returns I’ll need to be strong
Each time it comes I will need to be on my guard
Each time it shows I will say, “not today”
Not today, not today
You will not win
You will not claim me as a victim
Not today