Trapped in my own mind
Trying to escape but not knowing how
I wish I could take a break from myself
Not have to live with who I am for just one day

The good times are good
But the bad cause me to spiral out
Sometimes I can prevent it from getting worse
Sometimes I can get in my own way
Stop the train before it runs off the track
Stop the momentum before I bottom out

But most of the time I feel helpless
A spectator of a fiery crash
A man without volition
Not in full control within my mind
Sometimes it feels like I’m just a passenger in this thing called life
Going where my mental illnesses take me

Not in control, not the conductor
I wish things were different
I wish it was just me, without the tagalongs that corrupt me
But it can’t really be that way when you’re not mentally healthy
It’s been better lately than it’s been in the past
But my mental illnesses, they are a part of me

And like it or not, they always will be
I’ve been working through this for the last few years
But it’s been a work in progress and it will remain that way
I’m hoping some day that I’ll be able to stop this train
Take control before it runs off the track

I want it to be brighter days ahead
Lock up my depression so it can’t rear its head
Subdue my anxiety, put it to bed
But expecting to do either is a hopeless endeavor
I have to live with them both, so it’s best to figure out how

I’m hoping that one day I’ll regain full control
Dictate to them where it is we should go
My illnesses, they bring me down a path of destruction
They know the best way towards self-sabotage
They lie to me, and trick me into believing I’m less than I am

But I’m better than this, I know that in my heart
I will not let myself be limited
I won’t let them tell me this is as high as I can go
The sky’s the limit
And I intend to reach that and beyond

I’ll stop this train no matter what it takes
So that I can redirect it from here on
I’m the conductor so I’ll tell you when we can stop
Where we’re going we’ll only keep going up and up