Category Archives: Art

Art, Poetry

One Man Army

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It’s just me, myself, and I
Has been this way the whole time
It feels like I’m on my own
It feels like I’ve always been alone
A one man army
A man sent out to die

No one quite understands
No one knows who I am
What I’m working towards
Or where I stand

I’m just a one man army
Given no direction but sent on my way
Left out on an island
Told to just figure it out
You’ll find your way
“We’d like to help
But we don’t have the time”

Thanks a lot for nothing
It’s all just empty words
The people come and go
But the sentiment remains the same
I know when I’m not wanted
I’d best be on my way

One day I’ll get to where I wanna go
No thanks to any of you
Haters, doubters, non-believers, all of you
Never getting the support or the respect that I deserve
Told time and time again that, “I’ll be there for you”
But when I needed help
There was no one there to be found
Abandoned yet again

It’s the same old story
Repeated again and again
I’m a one man army
There’s no one on my side
Just me, myself, and I
Has been this way the whole time

One day I’ll get to where I wanna go
No thanks to any of you
I get more love from strangers
The people I don’t know support me more
One day I will learn
Stop making the same mistake over and over

One day I will find
That I didn’t need any of you in the end
One day I will thrive
A life built by me, myself, and I
No matter what you say
I will survive

Art, people, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love

More Than Acquaintances/Less Than Friends

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I don’t know where it all went wrong
It had seemed so good while it lasted
But somewhere along the way something changed
Some obstacle came between us
Something got in our way

I thought we could become closer
But I guess I was sorely mistaken
This is the closest we’ll ever get
More than acquaintances but less than friends
So what does that make us?

I gave you everything I got, and I got less in return
I gave you my all, but you only gave me some
I feel like I give more than I get
Invest too much of my time and energy
But for me they don’t invest

It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last
Perhaps I’ll learn my lesson before the next
I give too much and I get too little
I thought this would work out
I thought we could be close

We’re more than acquaintances but less than friends
What does that make us?
I thought we could be closer
Tried to put in my all
It’s evident to me now that this is our ceiling

Stuck in no man’s land with nowhere left to go
I’ll learn my lesson eventually—invest in you less
Use my time and energy to build myself up
Focus on what I need to do
With or without your help

My path is what matters most
And my needs should come first
If I don’t prioritize myself then how will I get what I deserve?
I’m working towards something
And I’ll get what I earn

I need to put my head down and get to work
It seems I’m wearing myself too thin
I gave you all of me, and you only gave me something
I can’t do it anymore
It’s not right for how hard I’ve worked

I need to focus on myself
Keep working towards my goals
Maybe we’ll intersect again
And I’ll keep cheering you on
But don’t expect me to give you everything, not anymore

Art, Depression, Healing, Mindfulness, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love

How Far I’ve Come

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Sometimes I forget how good I have it
How blessed I am to be doing what I love
How blessed I am to have freedom of expression
It wasn’t always this way
I didn’t always have it so good

My fears held me back
My self-doubt told me I couldn’t do it
My anxiety convinced me not to try
Ambition? I had none of it
Drive? I was on empty
Motivation? Better to stay quietly in my lane

Stick to the shadows
Hide in the background
Don’t draw attention to yourself
For it will only amplify your lack
It will only show others how weak you are
It will only confirm the fragility of your ego

I believed the lies for so long
Convinced that I wouldn’t get better
Convinced that I wouldn’t amount to much
The life that I was brought into was as good as it would get
Whatever cards I was dealt was how things would play out
Whatever limitations I had would forever remain

I wasted so much time stuck in park
Wasted so much time admitting defeat
Worn down by my circumstance without a chance to compete
Conceded the fight before the opening bell
Accepted the result without giving them hell

It took years to undo the damage that was done
It took session after session to recondition myself
To erase the brainwashing, the sheltering, the pain
To build me up and make me whole again

It had been so long since I had felt complete
There was a hole in my heart where my psyche used to be
I had lost my sense of self
Didn’t know who I was
I had let others mold me into what they thought I should be

That wasn’t who I am
Wasn’t what I’m meant to be
Wasn’t what God had intended when He had created me
I must remind myself of how far I’ve come
Remind myself that I have purpose
One that others might not understand
Remind myself of what I stand for and who I am
Remind myself that I can’t be defined by another man

Art, Changing, Doubt, Mindfulness, Poetry

Seedlings of Doubt

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Trapped in my own head
Dark clouds swirling above
It creeps through the shadows
Tainting my vision and judgment
I can’t tune them out
I can’t ignore them
I can’t help but let them take root

The voices tell me nothing but lies
But still they remain
If I’m not vigilant I will fall prey
I will lend them credence where none is deserved
I will let them dictate what will go on
Shut up! Quiet! Get out of my head!

You tell me only lies
I don’t need you
I don’t want you
I’m better without you
But it’s not so easy sometimes

Doubt forms and grows
Has me questioning my worth
Am I meant for this?
Do I belong here? Am I good enough?
Stop! Get out of my head!

You’re a voice without reason
A seedling of doubt that festers and grows
Telling me that I’m an imposter
That everything I’ve done doesn’t count
That I won’t amount to anything because I’m not good enough
Because I don’t belong
I won’t ever belong because I’m just a pretender

I know these are lies
I remind myself of this over and over
But it’s easier to fall into despair
It’s easier to roll over and die
It’s easier to buy into the doubt

But I’m not like that anymore
I don’t wanna be
I can’t allow them to win
Because then I’m exactly who they want me to be
The voices tell me that I’m going to fail

But how do I know?
How can I say that I’m a failure if I haven’t even tried?
How can I give up that easily?
How can I roll over without putting up a fight?
I can’t let them win
I won’t allow it
I will prove them wrong again and again

Art, Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Poetry

We Can’t Go Home

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We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again
They say home is where the heart is
But I don’t know where my heart belongs
I thought I was yours and you were mine
We were happy once, but only for a time
Where did we go so wrong?
When did it all fall apart?
When did it become you and me and not us?
When did our promises become a lie?

We can’t go home anymore
Not today, not tomorrow, nevermore
We once were in love, so dangerously so
We once were a power couple
We could take on any foe
Stronger and stronger
We fell deeper and deeper
We thought that we were forever
And maybe that could’ve been
But something within us changed
We don’t know what
We don’t know how
We don’t know when

We can’t go home now
Not today, not tomorrow, not now
Home is where the heart is
But my heart is off-course and adrift
Torn apart and smothered
No longer as giving as it once was
I’ve lost my direction
My compass no longer tells me where to go
Back to you it wants to say
But that’s the one place I can’t go

I can’t go home today
I can’t go home tomorrow
Not again, nevermore, not the next day
Home is where the heart is
But my heart no longer has a home
Dazed and confused
Lost and broken
Where do I turn to?
We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again