Category Archives: Art

Art, Brokenness, Depression, Heartbreak, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry

Left Behind (Time After Time)

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Time after time it feels like history repeats itself
It feels like it’s the same old story being told
I’ve been searching and praying for so long
Trying to find someone to hold me
Who would have my back
But it seems like my search is in vain

Each time the friendship comes to a close
Each time I’m left feeling betrayed
I gave it my all, and I tried my best
But I guess that wasn’t enough
It seems it wasn’t meant to last

Each time I pick myself back up again
Eventually I’m able to try again
But the next time is always harder than the last
I can only make myself vulnerable so much
I’m afraid to get hurt again
I’m afraid to put it all in
And get nothing in return

Is there something wrong with me?
Am I the reason all things come to an end?
Am I the reason no one wants to be my friend?
I’ve never really fit in
Never could find my place
I’ve tried time and time again

But it seems I always get left behind
Ignored and forgotten, easily overlooked
What have I done wrong?
But I’m never given the courtesy
Never been told face to face

We’re not cool anymore
Time has passed us by
We’re going our separate ways
And that’s all I’ll ever know
All this but never been given reasons why
Never could figure out why I’m so easy to leave behind

I guess that’s life
No real place for me
No true friends to hold me down
No one who has my back through thick and thin
But I’ll manage, I’ll get back on my feet
I’ve always been on my own, always been alone

For brief moments of time it seems things will be different
But the story always ends the same
Me on my lonesome, again wondering what happened
You’d think I’d learn by now, would no longer be blindsided
You’d think I’d realize that friendship was not meant to be
It’s me versus the world, that’s how it’s always been

Just trying to find my place
But never appreciated and always left behind
I’ve changed and I’ve gotten better
I’m no longer a burden like I used to be
But that doesn’t seem to matter

It’s the same old story, it always ends the same
A friendship ends, a friendship dies
And I’m always left behind
Always the one that’s hurt
But no one ever cares
I’m collateral damage, it’s okay if I get hurt

They don’t think I’m worth much
I’m just baggage that can be cut loose
It’s okay for them to severe ties
They can find someone else easily, don’t really have to search
“That guy, I don’t need that guy,” they say
And perhaps that’s true
But I gave them all of me, and they just said, “fuck you”

It’s the same old story
It always ends with me hurt
They’re able to move on
Never consider what I’m worth
It hurts every time
And eventually I’ll get over it
Eventually I’ll heal
But it gets harder each time

Maybe I’m just meant to be on my own
Cause I know what I’m worth
I guess it is what it is
Never meant to be
There’s not a place for me in their lives
It’s just me and me
I’ll make it through
I promise you I’ll be alright

I guess I never really needed them
But it hurts just the same
But I’ll get over it and heal
I’ll be alright
But I’ll be alone
At the end of the day my heart is my home

Art, Poetry

Lady Luck

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What a cruel mistress we serve
Sometimes Lady Luck is on our side
But more often than that she is not
She is one on whom we cannot rely
She is a fickle master
Choosing to bless us as she sees fit

We cry out hoping and praying
That this will be our day
That we will win or get lucky
That the ball will bounce our way
“Just throw me a bone, just one please”

But our pleas are empty
They reach the ether unheard
“You know I need this”
“You know I’m most deserving,” we say
But not all is won on merit
Life isn’t fair
We don’t always get what we deserve

We must get on out of bed
Continue with what we do
There is no windfall waiting for us
There is no blank check with our name on it
We must focus on what’s in our power
We must focus on the day to day
We must do what we can, for that is all we have

We can’t force Lady Luck to heed our wishes
We can’t expect her to always be on our side
We can’t live everyday waiting for a miracle
It will only ever lead to disappointment

But even still, luck be our mistress we hope and pray
Please be on our side
Grant me this one request
Bless me this one time

We can wait and wait and wait
Ready to reap our reward
But what if luck has nothing for us, what then?
We’ll live and we’ll die
Never knowing what joy feels like
Do we want luck to be our master?
Or do we want to control our luck?
Do what we can and prosper
Rather than keep waiting for the days to change

Art, Growth, Mindfulness, Poetry

Another Year Gone By

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Another year has gone by
And a new one has come
We welcome it as we’ve done
With each one prior to this one

Another year gone by
Another year older
Another year gone by
And we know better

We’ve grown and we’ve learned
We’ve improved and moved forward
Another year gone by
And we should be a year wiser

But alas, not all things are meant to be
Some people weren’t meant to grow
Not meant to evolve
Undone by their stubbornness

Another year gone by
And things are still the same
Still the same vices
Still making the same mistakes

We didn’t learn what we were meant to learn
Didn’t commit to change
Found it easier to give up or give in
So that is what we did

Another year gone by
Another year wasted
Another year gone by
We had an opportunity, but we missed it

Too busy making excuses
Too content with being lazy
Too caught up in the present
Never thinking about the future

Another year gone by
And life is dragging on
Monotonous and boring
Lacking passion and charm

Another year gone by
And the decades start to build
Another year gone by
With nothing to show for it

We wasted our time
Let the days pass us by
Did nothing meaningful with our minutes
And didn’t put up much of a fight

Another year gone by
And it’s starting to get old
Another year gone by
And I’m tired of this life

May this serve as a warning to all
Make the most of your time
Your days are numbered
So it’s high time to get on your grind

Another year gone by
Another year older
Another year gone by
And we are that much wiser

We did what we could
And we’ll continue on
We’ll grow and improve
And learn from our fathers

Another year gone by
And our legacy builds
Another year gone by
We will be remembered

Art, Mindfulness, Poetry, Writing

Body of Work

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Everything started out so well
We were on top of the world
We had every reason to believe it was our year
And so it was for a time
Started out hot, began the year strong
But little did we know
It wasn’t going to last

We didn’t do our part
Weren’t able to finish out on top
Opportunity was squandered
Advantages lost
We did everything in our power
To piss away everything that we had worked so hard for

We focused on the results
And not on the process
We suffered for it and are disappointed
Who are we to blame?
It can only be ourselves
Kept shooting ourselves in the foot
We were cocky and arrogant
Thinking we had done well

And so we did but we let up
We didn’t do our part
Didn’t maintain our effort
Lost our focus
And we suffered for it
We brought it on ourselves
We didn’t control the one thing we could control

We thought we’d done enough
Thought we could coast
But that’s not how life works
You can’t expect to be blessed
If you aren’t doing your best
You won’t find what you’re looking for
If you don’t do your part

A lesson learned
One that didn’t need to be taught
We should’ve stayed humble
Continued doing what we needed to do
It shouldn’t have been so hard to maintain our focus
But we got a big head, and lost sight of our goals
Hubris was our downfall
For a second we forgot who we are

It was a good year, but it could’ve been great
If we had only maintained our pace
It we had only stayed consistent
Put in a full body of work
Our lesson has been learned

You can’t slow down
You can’t coast, not then or now
We started out strong, but we fizzled out
Ran out of steam
Look where we are now

Never again will we forget who we are
Never again will be put in less than our best
We need to maintain our pace and keep it steady
Start strong and end strong
There’s no other way
We won’t fall for the trap
Won’t disappoint ourselves again
There’s no worse feeling
Than being the reason that we failed

Art, Brokenness, Depression, Mental Health, Poetry

Not Today

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It seems to always come and go
Rearing its head up when I least expect it
I thought I was over this!
I thought this was fixed
I thought this was a part of my past
Never to return

But I was sorely mistaken
It comes and goes as it pleases
It’s part of my life
A daily struggle
Will I give in? Or will I soldier on?
Will I allow it to dictate how I feel?
Will I allow it to be my master?

I’ve conquered it before
And I’ll conquer it again
But some days feels so bleak
Some weeks are so unbearably dark
A cloud looms overhead
Bitterness fills my heart

I try to be stronger
I try to be better
But sometimes its just so hard
Some days I can’t get out of bed
Some days I can’t help but despair
But as soon as it comes, it’s gone again like a whisper
A blip on the radar, just a few days or a week here and there

Am I crazy? Did I imagine it?
What had made me feel so sad?
What had made me lose all hope?
Did it even happen? Was it even real?

Something is broken inside of my soul
There are times when it feels fixed
But I am never whole
It’s part of my life, always has been, always will be
I wish I could be better
I wish I could heal and not look back
But that’s just wishful thinking
Hoping for a miracle that isn’t going to happen
All I can do is do the best that I can do
Work with what I have

It will be my constant companion
Poking its head up to remind me that it’s there
Every day will be a battle
Every day will be about conquering my fear
I won’t let it win
But I have to remind myself time and time again
This isn’t a war I can win for good

Everyday will be a battle
Everyday I will need to fight
I will need to prove myself again and again
I will need to show that I am bigger than my struggle
I am better than this
I can overcome

But each time it returns I’ll need to be strong
Each time it comes I will need to be on my guard
Each time it shows I will say, “not today”
Not today, not today
You will not win
You will not claim me as a victim
Not today