Category Archives: Brokenness

Brokenness, Depression, Loss, Poetry, Writing

(Scars) As the World Burns

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Sometimes I just wanna see the world burn
See it ground to dust so I don’t have to live in it anymore
Watch as the palaces crumble
And see the wicked get what they deserve

Let the righteous perish
So that we can start the whole thing over
The good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent
Let them all meet their demise

What does it matter?
We’ll all be dead in the end
We’ll all get what we deserve

But is that any way to live?
Mad at the world, and hating everyone in it?
When did I get so bitter?
When did I get so angry?
When did I lose all hope for meaningful change?

How did I get this way?
Where did all this hate stem from?
The root of it is this:
I’ve been hurt far too much
For far too long

Felt mistreated and misunderstood
Felt like I didn’t belong
That there was no place for me here

I’ve held out hope that things would turn out better
But it feels like the same story repeating over and over
I find my place and then I lose it
Pushed out, forced out, weaned away

I try to get over it
I try to just forget
But it seems the scars have already cut too deep
I will move on, but I won’t forget
I can’t forget, it’s impossible to forget

My scars, they are a part of me
Sometimes they drive me, sometimes they fuel me
Sometimes they hurt me, sometimes they anger me

A part of me wants to see the world burn
A part of me wants to see the towers crumble
See the wicked punished
And see those who persecuted me set ablaze

But the hatred in my heart only hurts me more
The anger I feel only gets in my way
Best to try to forgive and forget
But that’s the hardest task yet
My scars, they are a part of me
For better or for worse
Sometimes they will fuel me
But sometimes they will hurt

Brokenness, Depression, Doubt, isolation, people, Poetry

Lonely Loser

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Misunderstood and misrepresented
It seems that no one truly knows who I am
It’s been going on for as long as I can remember
And as I grew older I thought that it would pass me by
When will it end?
When will lies stop being spread?
What is it about me that makes it so easy to forget?

I think I’m afraid that things will never change
That despite how much I improve that things will remain the same
The process might be altered but the results are unchanged
Am I just a sad, lonely loser?
Destined to remain that way?

I’ve tried to give more, I’ve tried to trust less
It seems that no matter what I do I can’t make it hurt less
It seems that people come and go, never staying for long
Something about me tells them to just be done
Goodbye and be gone

It’s the fear of abandonment that does me in, in the end
I wish things were different
I wish I had matured faster
I regret playing all those games when I was younger
I should’ve known they’d only lead to disaster

I’m not that kid anymore
I’ve changed and improved
But it seems I made a lasting impression the first time around
And I’ve developed a reputation that I can’t live down

Nowadays I try to be as genuine as can be
But some people only remember the old me
Why can’t people see that I’m trying my best?
That I’m just being the real me?
That a new me is a better me?
That I’m changed and improved?

But I can’t turn back time
I can’t change an impression that’s already been left
I missed my chance to show them who I am when I’m at my best
Just a lonely loser
Like it’s been since I was young
Easy to abandon and leave behind
Easy to cut ties, easy to quit without saying goodbye

I guess this is how it’s going to be
Just me, myself, and I
Brought along as a friend but only when it’s convenient
Used and abused and discarded
Just a lonely loser
Best to come to terms
It is what it is
And that is all that it will be

Art, Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Poetry

We Can’t Go Home

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We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again
They say home is where the heart is
But I don’t know where my heart belongs
I thought I was yours and you were mine
We were happy once, but only for a time
Where did we go so wrong?
When did it all fall apart?
When did it become you and me and not us?
When did our promises become a lie?

We can’t go home anymore
Not today, not tomorrow, nevermore
We once were in love, so dangerously so
We once were a power couple
We could take on any foe
Stronger and stronger
We fell deeper and deeper
We thought that we were forever
And maybe that could’ve been
But something within us changed
We don’t know what
We don’t know how
We don’t know when

We can’t go home now
Not today, not tomorrow, not now
Home is where the heart is
But my heart is off-course and adrift
Torn apart and smothered
No longer as giving as it once was
I’ve lost my direction
My compass no longer tells me where to go
Back to you it wants to say
But that’s the one place I can’t go

I can’t go home today
I can’t go home tomorrow
Not again, nevermore, not the next day
Home is where the heart is
But my heart no longer has a home
Dazed and confused
Lost and broken
Where do I turn to?
We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again

Art, Brokenness, Changing, Discovery, Growth, Healing, Mindfulness, Poetry

Voices

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Sometimes it’s hard for me to tune out the voices in my head
The ones that tell me that I’m not good enough
That I wasn’t built for this
That I can’t do shit
That this wasn’t meant to last

As the days go by the voices get louder
Telling me that I’m worthless
Telling me that I can’t soldier on
That I should just give up
“You’re nothing. You always were and you always will be”

You’re not good enough
You’re not good enough
You’re not good enough

But I won’t let them win
I can’t, I refuse, I’m stronger than this
I’ve fallen down time after time
But I picked myself up every time
Why would that change?

I am who I am
I’m not who they say I am
My worth is determined by what I do
Not what they say that I can do
I won’t let anyone devalue my worth
I won’t let the voices win

This is who I am
Take it or leave it
This is what I’m going to do
My focus is determined
I might win or lose, but I’ll do it my way

Ain’t nobody stopping me
Ain’t nobody telling me that I’m not worth shit
Ain’t nobody telling me what I can and cannot do
I’ll prove you wrong
Again and again

I am strong
I am strong
I am strong

Art, Brokenness, Depression, isolation, Loss, Poetry

Just Another Outcast

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I’m not sure where it all went wrong
Or was it wrong all along?
I’ve felt alone for far too long
Even when I wasn’t alone
Even when I had others on my side
It never did feel quite right

Will I ever fit in?
Is it meant to be?
Or was I destined to be an outcast
Forever alone for all eternity
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I guess I never really knew my identity

After all this time I thought I’d find my place
Find some peace
But my seat is only temporary
I’m only here for a short time
Meant to be replaced
Easily forgotten
Soon I’ll become just a face
Just a blip on the radar
A vague notion on the mind

I’ve tried for decades to find acceptance
And sometimes I find it
But it’s always fleeting
Never meant to last
I’m permanently impermanent
Just another outcast

I suspect that this is what I’m meant for
To wander for all eternity
A nomad without a home
Someone who bounces from place to place
Unwanted here, unwanted there
Never understood, never appreciated
Never accepted for who I am
But it is what it is, that’s life

I’ve tried my best to find my place
To find a permanent place to stay
But my seat is only temporary
I’d like to stay but I can’t
It just doesn’t feel right

I’m just another outcast
It wasn’t my choice, but it is my role
Best to accept it
Ignore the disappointment
In order to avoid the rigmarole