Category Archives: Brokenness

Art, Brokenness, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry, Writing

Finding My Place

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What do I mean in the grand scheme of things?
Where do I fit in?
What does life mean to me?
Where do I begin?

Never really knew my place in life
Never really felt all that accepted
Under-appreciated and misunderstood
That’s how it’s always been

Never been anyone’s favorite person
Never been referred to as a best friend
It had always been a bit one-sided
People meant more to me than I meant to them

Quickly forgotten and easily overlooked
Sometimes I feel invisible, just a character in a book
It’s the same ol’ story, destined to repeat
I’m there for a short time, easy to ignore
Not super memorable, just another guy
“Oh yeah, who was he again? Oh, he was that guy”
Every connection has the same ending

I was there for a short time
But then I was easily forgotten
I move on from friend group to friend group
Hoping to find a place to stay
But it’s only ever temporary
And that’s it, I’m trying to find my place once again

No permanent place for me
Nowhere I belong
Making friends had always been tough for me
But it’s gotten even harder as the years go on

Time and time again I’ve tried to find my place
I fit the dynamic for a little bit, but then my time is up
A wandering nomad on an endless journey
Is this what I’m destined for?
A life devoid of acceptance?

What do I mean to them?
Where do I fit in?
What does life mean to me?
Where do I begin?

Am I doing something wrong?
Is there something wrong with me?
Only there for a short time, but then they forget about me
I’m finding my place in the world
And so far I don’t belong
As time rolls on, will I find what I’m looking for?
Will I find somewhere to be, and stop moving on?

Brokenness, Changing, Discovery, Family, Loss, Poetry, Writing

Same Energy

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Keep that same energy
You didn’t care for me then
So don’t pretend like you care now
You didn’t even try to give me what I needed
Didn’t even think to find out what it was
So don’t try that now
It’s too late and it’s fake
Just something you do to feel better about your past failings
You wanna act like you took care of me
But it was never what I needed
It was never right and it was never enough

I have so many words I want to say to you
So much that I need to get off my chest
But I can’t think of how, and I just get jumbled up
I’m better with words written than words spoken
But it means nothing now, because I can never get my point across
You don’t get me, you barely even try
You and I will never see eye to eye
You believe that you’re helping me
You believe that good intentions are enough

But all you do is interfere
You’re a world class meddler, and it makes it harder for me
I don’t need your help, I never asked for it
You always just get in my way
None of your motives are pure
Always looking to get something out of it
Looking to have things your way
I’m tired of it, tired of your judgment
Tired of you telling me what to do
Tired of your snide comments
Tired of you second guessing me at every turn
I’m tired of it, so fed up

But what can I do?
I can’t make you stop
Anytime I disagree with you, you make me feel guilty
Anytime I fight your manipulation, you blame me
I know better than to fall for your wiles and tricks
I know better than to let you do this to me
But it’s easy to forget how you make me feel
It’s easy to forget all the times you’ve hurt me
But no more, I won’t let you disrupt my peace

So keep that same energy
You didn’t care for me then
So don’t care for me now
You didn’t give me what I needed before
It’s too late for that now
I am who I am
And I never really needed you, I see that now
You told me who I should be instead of embracing me for me
So keep that same energy
I’ll reap my blessings and you’ll have none
I’ll show you who I am, but that’s it, we’re done

Art, Brokenness, Family, Loss, Mental Health, Mindfulness, people, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

When Will it End?

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I thought I had forgiven
I thought I had let go
I thought I had rid myself of the bitter recollection
I thought I had forgotten the painful memories

But everything comes back to haunt
It just repeats again and again
Seeing you makes things worse
I get sucked back into your bullshit

I know better—I’m supposed to know what to avoid
But sometimes I can’t help myself
I convince myself that things will be different
I tell myself that we are okay

But none of it has changed
The more things change the more they stay the same
The more I change, the less you do
Making us less and less compatible

I should’ve known it would be like this
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks
You can’t teach a bad person how to be good
You can’t teach someone who doesn’t want to learn

It’s the same damn thing over and over
You just don’t get it, and I don’t think you ever will
I know you’re toxic, I’ve known for a while
But occasionally I let down my guard

Let you back in
And we repeat the cycle of hurt again
I don’t want this, I don’t need it
I know better than to let you get away with it

I know that you manipulate
And gaslight, ignore real issues like my mental health
I know that you can never be happy or excited for me
Never content with where I’m at

You push your narrative
And try to force me into your cookie cutter life
I’m well aware of it
I tell myself that I won’t let you do it to me again

But the pain repeats, the bitterness recycles
I let you back in again and I know better than to do that
But I can’t help myself
I let down my guard, I let you back in

I don’t want to deal with you, I can’t anymore
You just don’t get it and you never will
I tried to keep my distance in the past
I was doing so well, but sometimes I forget
I let you back in and it’s something I always regret
When will it end?

Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Love, Poetry

I Want You to Stay

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I want you to stay
But you have no reason to
Why would you stay?
If I’m no good for you

I’ve taken all of you, and I’ve used you up
But I haven’t given you nearly enough
I haven’t given you all of my time
I haven’t put in enough of my effort

I want you to stay
But why would you want to?
I want you to stay
But I can’t force you to

You’ve put up with my shit
Given me every chance
Told me what needs to change if we are to last
I said things would be different, but I didn’t try

I want you to stay
We were supposed to be forever and ever, you and I
But the story has ended, it’s time to move on
Unfortunately for us we are a thing of the past

Brokenness, Heartbreak, isolation, Loss, Poetry

On My Own Again

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This was always going to be the outcome, wasn’t it?
I don’t know how to love
I don’t know how to give
I don’t know how to be good to someone else
I can’t even be good to myself

On my own again
Nowhere to be and nowhere to go
I’ve never been a friendly person
I’ve never been all that nice
I tried to give you a part of me
And you always gave me all of you
It was never going to be enough

I don’t know what it means to sacrifice
I don’t know how to show love
I don’t know how to be a human being
I don’t know how to be a friend, son, lover
It’s all so fucked up

I know that I need to do better
I want to believe that I can
But you gave me so many chances
And I’ve used them all up

I said time and time again
That I would do better
That I would try harder
I know I fucked up
I let the fire go out
I let the relationship die

You put the blame on me
And how can I deny that?
I needed to be better
I needed to show growth
Show you that things could change

But zilch, nada, nope
Still the same old me
Unable to love, unable to provide
You deserve someone better
Someone that doesn’t lie
Doesn’t lie to you, doesn’t lie to himself
Doesn’t lie to the world

So I’m on my own again
Wanting to be better than who I’ve always been
But unable to do so
I should let you go
Because I deserve to be alone