Category Archives: Family

Brokenness, Family, people, Poetry, Reflections, Relationships, Writing

There but Not There

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All my life I’ve been searching to fill the hole in my heart
You offered what you could, but it wasn’t enough
I was always wanting more. Wishing that you were someone else
It was unfair to you, but I didn’t know any better
I was only a young pup
Trying to find my way in the world and not having much luck
I needed a role model in my life
Someone to guide me through the downs and the ups

You were there but not there
Sorta in the picture, a financial rock
But emotionally unavailable, totally distant
There to clothe us, house us, feed us
I guess you thought that it was enough

But it was hard to read you
You always felt closed off
You were never there when I needed you
I could never reach you
You were there but not there

At least you provided me with a privileged life
But I could never look past your flaws
Was never content with what you gave
I’ve really been spoiled in that way
I’m lacking in gratitude, I acknowledge that full well
I wish it wasn’t that way

I often miss the forest for the trees
At the end of the day, you gave me all that you could give
For someone else that would’ve been enough
But I wanted and needed emotional support
Something that you couldn’t give

You were there but not there
Gave me what you could give
Instead of appreciating it I always looked for something more
Something that you couldn’t give
I realize that now
But it feels like it’s too late

All this time I was looking for a type of love you weren’t capable of
But you loved me in your own way
You gave me what you could give
I should’ve been content with that
Instead of chasing the type of love that I wanted
It wasn’t gonna happen
You were always there but not there
Physically close, but emotionally distant
All this time I’ve been chasing what you couldn’t give

Art, Changing, Dreaming, Family, Greatness, Growth, Poetry, Writing

No Good Son

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Sometimes I feel like I’m a no good son
Don’t always treat others the way that they deserve
Don’t always respect the parents that gave me life
Don’t always cherish the time spent with family
Don’t always value the friendships that I have

Sometimes I feel like I’m a no good son
Taking too much for granted
Not taking advantage of my strengths and skillset
Not making the most of my opportunities
Sometimes it feels like I’m just wasting time

Although I know that it isn’t true
My time out of work has been of tremendous value
I’ve learned new skills and worked on my craft
The writer I am is leaps & bounds above the writer I was
And yet I still have to wonder

In the blink of an eye three years have past
Could I have come back last year?
Would things have turned out differently?
It’s been a year of disappointments
Could it all have been avoided?

But I won’t dwell too long
Because I have to move on
Twenty twenty-four wasn’t the year for me
But I will make the most of twenty twenty-five
Whatever I do, it’s gonna be the year that I thrive

Time to find a day job again, but I’m not giving up on my dream
I’d like to do more with my life than just merely survive
Sometimes I feel like I’m a no good son
Doing nothing but wasting my time
But I know it’s all a lie

No one said that being an artist is easy
It’s a life full of pain and hardship
One where sacrifices need to be made
I’ve been blessed and lucky to have the support that I have
Lord knows not everyone has that

I won’t ever know what it’s like to starve
What it’s like to create without the comfort of a home
But my family has given and given and given
It’s past time to pay it all back
To become financially independent once again

I will be a published author one day, but now is not that time
Adaptability and a willingness to pivot is the name of the game
I’ll find a way to support myself
Work by day, and write by night
Time to set aside my pride, and get back to the grind

Art, Family, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry, Wellness

Can’t Turn Back Time

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No matter what we do we can’t turn back time
We might dwell on the past
Or hold onto something that’s been lost
But whatever we do, we can’t turn back time

I wish things were different
I wish we could have what we once had
But we’ve grown apart
There’s no looking back

I’m trying to let go
I know it’s for the best
But I keep getting sucked back in
I keep falling for the same trap

We’re not right for each other
The gap between us is too far to span
We started drifting years ago
And before we knew it, we had gotten so far

Too far to swim back
Too far to reach out
Too far to compromise
We can’t turn back

What we once had is lost
Never to be felt again
A chasm has grown between us
An endless abyss full of darkness

You and I are too different now
Too different to re-align
Too much has changed
There’s been too much pain
Too much hurt, too much bitterness

We can’t turn back time
Things will never be the same
We can’t have what we once had
Best if we go our separate ways

Too different to remain
I see things differently now
I hope you feel the same

When I was younger I didn’t know better
I followed the examples of my elders when I didn’t know my way
But as I grew older, I realized that things were no longer the same
You and I, we see things differently
The generation gap is a thing

I know who I am now
And I see things in a different way
We can’t turn back time
We can’t rediscover what was lost
Maybe we can find some common ground in the future
But I’m not gonna hold out hope

Art, Changing, Family, Loss, Poetry

Undone

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Each day is more of the same
Trying to get you to listen
But your ears weren’t made to hear
It’s the same ole shit over and over
I just can’t get you to comprehend
I can’t get you to mend (your ways)
I can’t make you understand

Each conversation becomes more and more pointless
We have nothing left to say
Our relationship is just too strained
We were close once
But not anymore and never again
I’m not sure when that changed

We’ve been drifting apart for so long
It’s past time that we let go
I’ve changed but you’ve remained the same
It’s the hard truth
One that I accepted long ago

But you keep grasping for something that no longer exists
I wish that weren’t so
However, I can’t deny that my feelings have changed
Moving on is for the better
We’ll still talk on occasion
We might still hang out
But it’s not how it used to be
And try as we may, that’ll never be

We weren’t meant to last
Weren’t meant to be together until the end
Circumstances changed along the way
And that’s just how it goes
We may have had a special affinity once
Might’ve walked hand in hand
But as fate would have it
Our paths were only meant to intersect
Only together for a short time

So I’ve waved goodbye to what we had
I’ve said my farewells, so we’re over and done
I wish it didn’t have to end this way
But what’s done is done
I felt the sadness, I felt the pain
I wish this wasn’t the outcome

I let you go so long ago
I wish you’d do the same
I went one way, you went the other
Along the way something changed
I tried to fix things, I really did
But you weren’t willing to change
You weren’t able to try a new perspective
And this is why we’re undone

Art, Changing, Family, Growth, Healing, Loss, Mindfulness, Poetry, Reflections, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

Better On My Own

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We used to be close
But we’ve grown apart
We used to be aligned
But now we are not
We were on convergent paths
But now I’ve changed
A part of me wishes that we were still the same
But that is never to be, never again
We are different you and I
Only meant to intersect, not to intertwine
I mourned what we lost a long time ago
I’m over it now, we can’t go back
I’m only moving forwards
Only moving onwards
I never meant to leave you behind
But that’s just the way it goes
My top priority these days is continuous growth
You had your chance to grow alongside me
You had your chance to help me through
We tried it your way
Now we’ll try it mine
Your intentions were the only thing you ever had in mind
But intention is not reality
What you thought would work didn’t
I don’t blame you though, for how would we have known?
We could’ve worked through it together
Tried something else, made up a new gameplan
But you thought you knew best
Weren’t gonna rest
Until you molded and shaped my life to fit your vision
But that was never what was intended
I had always been built different
Always meant for something else
For a long time I didn’t know what it was
But now it’s revealed itself
I won’t settle for anything less
Everything is a failure if it isn’t my best
I’ll put my all into this endeavor
Do everything in my power to live the life I deserve
Work harder for my goals than I’ve ever worked before
This is my life purpose, through hard work I deserve this
The only way I’ll live the life I want to live is with effort
I’m sure you know this
But you still found the chance to bring me down
Still felt the need to rein me back
We’re not the same as we used to be
We used to be close
But we’ve grown apart
We used to be aligned
But now we are not
We tried it your way
Now we’ll try it mine
I don’t need you anymore
You’ve outgrown your use
We had our chance to grow together
We could’ve tried to work through
But we’ve went in separate ways
And I don’t need you
I’m better on my own
Better without you
Better on my own
No longer subject to your abuse
Better on my own
I’m capable of doing this alone
I didn’t wanna leave you behind
But it’s clear that I have to
You’re the one holding me back
I’m sorry, it’s time to axe you