Category Archives: Greatness

Changing, Discovery, Dreaming, Greatness, Growth, Healing, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Reflections, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

Does It Even Matter?

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“Does it even matter?” That’s a question I find myself asking every so often. Is what I’m doing meaningful? Am I even making a difference? As I’ve said before, I was quite naive when I quit my day job last year. I had quit without fully understanding what I was getting myself into. I think it’s safe to say that things have not exactly played out according to my expectations. Over time, my expectations have changed and I’d like to believe that they’ve become more realistic and more attainable. But the shadow of doubt still manages to peek in at times.

I wish someone had told me that this is all a part of the process. Just as there are good times and bad times in life, there are good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks in your writing. I learned that maybe half a year ago, but that doesn’t mean that the tough times aren’t still tough. There are days and weeks when I don’t feel productive. When I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, or that I can’t write. There are weeks when I feel uninspired. Weeks when I feel like my work is useless and pointless. Some days I don’t feel like reining myself back in; I don’t feel like taking the time to recenter and refocus. Eventually though, I find my way back. Usually it takes a day or two away from my work in order to find my motivation again. At the end of the day, I write for me. Does my writing make me feel fulfilled and happy? Is what I’m writing important to me? If yes, then it serves it’s primary purpose.

That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t still seek affirmation. It’s a part of human nature and not that easy to completely disregard. Everyone wants to know that they’re on the right track. Wants to be recognized and appreciated for the work that they do. Especially so in artistry, when the framework for “success” isn’t as well-defined. You know what you have to do in order to get to where you want to be, but it’s not that easy for others to understand what that entails. We’re not given an expectation for the amount of cold calls we have to make in a day, or the number of sales. We’re not given parameters for the experiment we’re about to conduct. We set our own goals and milestones. Unfortunately, that is a bit of a double-edged sword. We know what we’re looking for, but oftentimes that doesn’t translate externally.

This has become a source of tension for me at times when I’m lacking focus and motivation. In moments when you’re not producing, it becomes easy to buy into the doubt. When the results don’t meet your expectations it’s easy for your belief in yourself to waver. Something that I have to remind myself often is that I’m on my way there. My toil was never going to pay off right away, that was not the plan nor the expectation. It was going to take time, I knew that full well. But I lose sight of that sometimes. Sue me, I’m only human.

When I first started this blog, I was using it as a way of practicing writing. I wasn’t new to blogging—I had been doing it off and on for a while—but this was my first real foray into what I had considered actual writing. To me, everything that I had done beforehand didn’t count. Using Xanga as a kid wasn’t so much blogging as it was maintaining a basic webpage. Blogspot was just something that I checked out because I was curious, but didn’t spend much time on. Tumblr was an online display of the things that I liked. But WordPress? That to me was the only thing that was legit. In reality though, I was selling myself short. Everything that I did led me to this point. That being said, it still took me a long time to gain steam.

For the first two and a half years, I can count on one hand the amount of posts that I wrote—none of which I’m particularly proud of. In truth, I had forgotten that this page even existed… on more than one occasion. The writing only happened when I felt inspired or when an interesting premise came to mind. It came and went in spurts. I wasn’t practicing writing, I was binge writing. Not exactly a helpful method of learning how to write. It’s hard to improve in an area if you’re working on it infrequently. Every time I stopped writing I went back to zero; I had to start over. Each time I did this I missed out on an opportunity to pick up momentum. And really, momentum is one of the most crucial components when you’re trying to pick yourself up off the ground, especially if you’re, “working for yourself.”

It’s no different for a more standard career path. The way you move up the corporate ladder is to learn more, take on more responsibilities, broaden your skill set at every stop. You pick up momentum by gaining more experience. As you gain more experience, you open yourself up to better opportunities, and you work your way up. What that boils down to is building your brand. You might not own a company, or run a website, or sell a product, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have a brand. You might work for “the man” but you also work for yourself. The landscape has changed significantly since our parents were younger. There’s not as much company loyalty as there used to be. So, we have to learn to grow and adapt, and that starts with learning how to market ourselves in meaningful ways.

Last month, this blog reached its ninth year of existence (shocker I know!), but only the last three and a half years have borne any fruit. I know there are several things I could’ve done with this, but I let opportunities go to waste. The unfortunate truth is that I neither felt confident in my writing nor my ability to market myself. So I didn’t really do either. My writing was done in silence and my blog existed in its own obscure part of the internet, neither living nor dying, just being. And that was fine for what it was for a time. But the time for that has run out. I can no longer hang back and let life play out around me. I can’t linger in the background hoping that I don’t get noticed. A change in life circumstances has dictated that. After all, this is what I had hoped for. This was what I had been aiming towards. If I don’t reach out for it now, when will I? I’m not one for making excuses—not anymore.

As I started to really grow as a writer after the new year, it became evident to me that I can’t just rely on one thing to get me to where I want to go. If I want to earn a living as a writer I need to have multiple outlets. I need to build a following. This much isn’t new to me—I’ve known this for a long time. But what was I doing about it? Not much for a while. The work I did in obscurity, however, was great for me. Like everyone always says, “I’m my own biggest critic,” and I stand by that statement. No one judges my writing harder than I do, and I’m never satisfied with where I’m at as a writer. There are always areas that could use improvement, and my strengths can always be made even stronger. Like I’ve said, I’m constantly tinkering and tweaking.

Progress and improvement never stop. Once you lose sight of that you open up the opportunity for stagnation. I know how slippery that slope is. So, I keep working, I keep trying to improve. And the best way to do that at first was to do everything quietly. Learning how to write without the fear of judgment. Without the added pressure of trying to appeal to others or garner traffic. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had confidence in my ability but it was a bit misplaced. My confidence level far outweighed my skill level. In truth, I was still learning how to be confident in everything I do—I had only developed real self-confidence a few years earlier. And that only came after therapy healed me of my brokenness. 

I was exploring how to write without knowing how. The God-given seed of talent had always been there but had never been given room to grow. I was too worried about how other people would perceive me (and my work) to spend any time actually writing. But once I did, I started learning and growing and improving. Practicing on my own, however, had its limits. I was only able to self-critique and self-edit myself so much. I needed input from others, whether that came directly or indirectly. There was only so much I could learn on my own. My naivety blinded me to that fact. So, by the time summer 2022 came and went I had passed through both a peak and a valley. I had reached the end of the line. I had gotten all that there was to take from it. I needed a good support system to take me higher.

That’s really what I’m all about. Reaching higher. Doing better. Working on my craft. Those are the things that matter the most. Those are the things that I can do something about. And thus, those are the things I should focus on. I need to get better, it doesn’t matter how I do it, doesn’t matter who or what I learn from. It needs to happen somehow, some way. I’m not too proud to ask for help or to try something new. The resources available to me are innumerable. I owe it to myself to explore my options. What can I do differently? What can I do better? As an adult, those are the questions I spend time worrying about. Not worrying about things that I can’t change. Or other people’s opinions of me. Or their perceptions. This was not something that I understood well when I was younger. Wondering about these things only led to inaction. Inaction, to me is worse than failure. It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all. It’s better to know for certain whether or not something is going to happen for you, than it is to sit and wonder. 

Sitting and wondering, however, is always easier to do. You can backtrack from the decisions you make in your daydreams. You can break promises. You can start over, and try again. You can make mistakes without facing any repercussions. You let your imagination run wild and let the story take you, but none of this is rooted in reality. Your fantasy is a place where you can run free and forget about life. There are no troubles, no worries, no stress. No consequences. Seems harmless right? But there is still an opportunity cost. The time you spent dreaming about your future could’ve been better spent working towards it.

The best things in life take time and effort. Which, like all things, are finite resources. But if you’re passionate about something, you will find the time for it. Sacrifices will need to be made—that’s just the way that life goes. If you work hard, and constantly improve, success will come to you. Your hard work will pay off in the end, but you need to stay focused on the task at hand. Your primary focus should be inward: what can I do to perfect my craft; what can I do to be a better person; what can I do to make a difference? You control what you can control, which is to say: what you do, what you say, how you act. You can’t force someone to be grateful. You can’t force someone to like you or to support your work. You can’t force a response from someone. Trying to do so is controlling and manipulative. 

Why worry about outside opinion? Do something that makes you happy. Pursue something that fulfills you. Make something that you’re proud of. Turn your attention to being the best you can be and the accolades will come. If you are great at what you do, sooner rather than later people will recognize your talent. This is as much a reminder for me as it is for you. It’s easy to lose focus when gratification doesn’t come quick—we’ve been conditioned to think that way. It’s easy to wonder if what you’re doing is meaningful, especially when traffic is slow or new followers are infrequent. But none of that matters if you aren’t working diligently at becoming the best that you can be. None of that matters if you’re not striving for greatness. None of that matters if you’re no longer passionate about what you do.

The goalposts will shift if your focus isn’t right. If your focus isn’t on continual growth you’re in for a lifetime of disappointment. If you’re not getting better every day the industry will pass you by, the competition will catch up with you. But that isn’t to say compare yourself to others. Don’t compare yourself to anyone. Compare who you are today with who you were yesterday. If you see growth, if you see improvement that’s all that matters. The recognition will come in time, you just have to do your part. Focus not on fame, fortune, or popularity. Focus not on gaining traffic or glowing reviews. Focus not on going viral or becoming internet famous. Focus instead of honing your craft. Put your head down and keep grinding. Believe in yourself first, and others will soon see. What you do is important if it matters to you. Others might not see it now, but they will see it in time.

Changing, Discovery, Dreaming, Greatness, Growth, Healing, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

No Minutes Left to Spare

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“Time flies when you’re having fun,” so the saying goes. But I’m not so sure that this doesn’t just describe life in general. As children, each year felt like an eternity to us. That was to be expected. We hadn’t lived that long so we didn’t have a good gauge for the passage of time. Each day felt long because in comparison to what we had experienced it actually was a long time. But alas, those days are long gone. So as we get older the years start feeling shorter. Now that the years feel shorter, it seems that time moves too fast. Is there any way to slow it down?

If only… But life is finite. With a beginning and an end. No one lives forever, and no one can defeat death. The time will come for us some day. Will we make the most of it before it comes? That’s a question I ask myself all the time. Will I make an impact before I go? Will I leave a legacy behind? My body will rot and decay, but my legacy should live on for years or decades or centuries (hopefully). As the years go by, I find that my priorities have shifted. What used to be my focus, I find nowadays is something that I don’t care all that much about. I used to worry so much about the opinions of others, but as I’ve matured I find that the best way to change someone’s opinion of you is to give them reasons to think of you differently. 

However, despite whatever positive changes you are able to enact in your life, some people will still dislike you, some people will still be jealous of you. It’s inevitable. No one in the world will ever be universally loved—it’s a hopeless endeavor. That’s why it’s no longer my focus. I’m not trying to become more loved. I’m trying to become a better person. I want those around me to thrive because success breeds success. Seeing others being great motivates and inspires. Encouraging your loved ones to be the best that they can be keeps you locked in, helps you maintain your drive. There will be some in your life that will put their best efforts into tearing you down. Those aren’t people that you need, they’re destined to be miserable so long as they’re splitting their focus between watching/judging others and bettering themselves. 

Unfortunately, those haters aren’t always the easiest to ignore. But know that their barbs will help you develop thicker skin. Criticism hurts at first, but gets easier to bear as long as you keep honing your craft. The better you get at what you do, the less hate a shit talker is able to spew. Their arguments will soon lose weight, and you’ll be able to prove them wrong. Of course, proving someone wrong isn’t the goal, continuous growth and improvement is. In order to continue on, you need to stay focused. Easier said than done. But if you’re passionate about something you won’t have much trouble doing what it takes to pursue your dreams and aspirations doggedly. You will eventually find yourself reaching greater heights.

Success more often than not will not reveal itself immediately, but that doesn’t mean that your toil is pointless and isn’t going to pay off. You need to be patient. It takes concentrated time and effort to pick something up off the ground. It takes time for fruit to grow. You need to water and nurture the seed. You need to work for the best things in life. You look for blessings not miracles. The way I see it, blessings won’t be plentiful if you don’t do your part. In order to live an abundant life you have to work hard. It sounds simple but I wish it’s something I would’ve known earlier on in life. 

Unfortunately, it took a long time for me to grow up. I don’t think I was challenged enough as a kid, at least not in the right ways. School came easy to me, and that was the only thing that my parents really cared about. I was able to half-ass things and still get good results. I wasn’t forced to do extracurricular activities or find a job—my parents weren’t particularly hard on me. So I didn’t really need to face my adversity head-on. Running and hiding like I’d always done had always been an option for me. And that’s the path that I chose to take time after time. It was the easy way out. Which, as I’ve said before, provides short-term relief, but doesn’t resolve any issues. Everything was going to eventually catch up to me—lo and behold, that’s what happened once I reached high school. Half assing things no longer netted me A’s and B’s, instead I was getting B’s, C’s and the occasional D. I suspect that this sudden change in results played a role in how depression and anxiety were able to needle their way into my life. 

My sudden inability to achieve good results without hard work had sapped my confidence. But really, what had I been expecting to happen here? That I could coast for the rest of my life? I had been blessed with good luck up til then, I just didn’t realize it. I didn’t realize that luck and innate talent wasn’t always going to outweigh effort—in fact, more likely than not it’s the opposite. Arriving at this crossroads could’ve been the catalyst for significant change, but regrettably it wasn’t. I didn’t have the ability to motivate myself to put my all into everything I did. Instead of putting in my best effort to try to get the best results, I instead resolved myself to put in a little more effort in order to get passable results. Again, a short-term fix for a long-term issue. It’s no wonder that I had been trapped in a cycle of mediocrity for so many years after college. I had unknowingly set myself up for that, conditioning myself to accept average as a reasonable thing to strive for. That’s a pretty low bar to clear. Who aspires to be the world’s most average doctor, or athlete, or what have you? Like c’mon…

But what did I know? I was just a kid trying to find his way in the world, without the proper amount of guidance in certain areas. I had good parents, but like any other human, they had their weaknesses, made their mistakes, and were misguided in some ways. Well, we live and we learn. As I’ve said before, we’re all just figuring things out as we go along. And I can’t be upset about it, because no one’s really at fault. Oftentimes we fall into the trap of feeling the need to assign blame for everything that happens in our lives. But sometimes there’s no one to blame, and that’s perfectly okay. Life is random, and at times it unfolds in unexpected ways. That being said, I’m grateful for everything I’ve gone through—my triumphs and my failures, times that were easy and times that were tough, the right decisions and the wrong decisions. My life is a culmination of everything that has happened beforehand. I don’t regret anything that’s happened or the mistakes that I’ve made, because everything came with a lesson.

I do however, regret my inaction during moments that could’ve been monumental. I regret the passivity I displayed in letting life play out around me. I regret the period of time when I had stopped dreaming and aspiring. Occasionally, I find myself hoping that time would slow to make up for the years that I had lost. But you can’t change the past and you can’t slow time, so I’m left wondering, “what if?” What if I had not stopped dreaming? What if I had found my calling earlier? What if I had been happy as a teenager? What could I have done with my life instead of wasting a decade moping around and feeling sorry for myself?

It doesn’t hurt to wonder about these things, but it’s best not to dwell on them. You are who you are as a result of past experiences, good and bad. Your adversity and how you deal with it show the world your character. Without my struggles with depression and anxiety I wouldn’t be the same man. My circumstances are not unique to me, but the sequencing of my journey is. I might not’ve found my healing if I hadn’t gone through my hardships. I might not’ve realized that I needed to make an impact on those around me if I hadn’t spent so much time wasting my time and my talent. I might not’ve found what confidence looks like if I hadn’t struggled with self-image. Everything that happened in my life needed to happen in order for me to find my way.

Once you’ve found your footing, the next step is to move forward. To do better. To seek greatness. To be a blessing rather than a burden. What exactly that entails is up to individual interpretation. For me that means maximizing my potential, sharing what I’ve learned with others, giving back to the world, contributing knowledge or meaningful conversation. As I approach my 32nd birthday, I am no longer able to use my youth or my naivety as an excuse. I can’t just sit by in the background and let the world move around me. I need to add meaning and substance to it. I need to do my part, play my role in society. I feel that I have a duty to myself and to others to be a better person now than I was before. 

If onwards & upwards isn’t the goal, I don’t really know what to tell you. If you’re not growing, you’re either stagnating or you’re deteriorating. Neither of them are desirable to me. Stagnation feels comfortable for a time, but will eventually hinder your growth. Comfort is good but is a slippery slope that leads to apathy and inaction. That’s not a place I want to be ever again. I’ve already spent too much time there; I don’t have any minutes left to spare. I can’t make up for the time that I wasted, but I can make sure that I don’t waste anymore of it. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. I can’t undo mistakes, but I can make sure I don’t repeat them. I’m not old, but I’m not getting any younger. I need to make the most of my opportunities, there’s no guarantee of more in the future. We might know what we want, but we don’t know what life has in store for us. Work hard and dream big. Never stop learning, never stop improving. A better life starts with a better you. There’s no time like the present to try to find what you’re looking for. There’s no onwards & upwards without moving forward.

Art, Greatness, Growth, Love, Poetry, Wellness

In Awe of You

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I’m starstruck
Love stricken
In awe of you
Someone to rely on when times are blue
Without you I wouldn’t know what to do
I’m in awe of you

We’re star-crossed
Fated to be together
Destined for each other
Better together, forever and ever
No match better, promised to be
Always gonna be you and me

No one will come between us
Nothing will push us apart
We’re in it for the long haul
With you til the end
Was and is and forever will be my best friend
I’m in awe of you

I’ve seen beauty before
But no one so beautiful
Mind, body & soul
We make each other whole
You are mine and I am yours
Forever I stand in awe of you

I stand in awe of you
You push me to heights I never thought I would see
Greatness radiates from your body
Inspiring each other to be the best we can be
Striving for greatness makes the most of our ability
I stand in awe of you for it is you who completes me

Changing, Discovery, Greatness, Growth, Healing, Hope, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

A Better Way

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I won something recently. Not words that I have had the pleasure of saying often in my life, but I get to say them now. I won a free vacation to Disney World off of the radio, not all expenses are included (I still have to pay for food, souvenirs, baggage fees, etc.), but I can live with that. A free trip is a free trip. So, how does that make me feel? Excited, overjoyed, and grateful to say the least. But I also feel that it’s deserved. My hard work paid off. My dedication to my craft, my devotion to my mental health, the continued change in my outlook all played a part in manifesting such a blessing. Although it was luck of the draw, luck doesn’t have everything to do with it.

I used to believe that good things didn’t happen to me because I just wasn’t that lucky of a person. But the older I get, the more I realize that perspective matters much more than you would think it does. The Universe reads your energy, it feels your aura. I believe in karma. I believe in reaping what you sow. I believe that optimism often leads to blessings and pessimism often leads to misfortune. Yes, good things can happen to bad people, and bad things can happen to good people. Life is unpredictable—shit happens. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t affect the outcome. You are in control of your own life. I know sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Sometimes you feel railroaded along, living out a life that’s dictated to you. You need to break out of that. Release yourself from the chains that bind.

Your life is your own. Your choices are your own. Your reactions and your emotions are your own. Life won’t always go as planned, however. Things will not always happen the way that you envision. You are the master of your own life, but you are not the master of the universe. You need to control what you can control, and let the chips fall where they may. If things don’t play out as anticipated, you need to be willing to adapt. The most successful people are able to transition to plans B or C if need be. But that doesn’t mean you pursue your goals expecting failure. You expect to be successful, but you acknowledge that things could turn out differently. You mentally plan ahead in case that happens.

I know I say this a lot, but it starts with changing your mindset. Perspective is a powerful thing to have in this world, but it’s often overlooked. For someone who’s depressed, I know advice like, “just be happy,” is neither helpful nor encouraging, but it actually has some truth and some value to it. Yes, it’s a very misguided thing to say (please don’t ever say this to anyone)—it oversimplifies things drastically. But changing your perspective is the basic premise. That’s the basis for real change. I know that firsthand. The person I was in high school and who I am now are strangers. You couldn’t have found two people more different, but they are linked. I couldn’t have become who I am now, without being who I was then. But I didn’t just change for the sake of it. I didn’t make a conscious decision to be different. I changed because I needed to. I needed to learn how to adapt. It was survival of the fittest within me. Everything that made me stronger, that made me a better human remained. Everything that didn’t was phased out. And I am better for it.

My passions, my interests, my moral compass over time have changed to some extent, but the core of who I was still remains. I talk differently, I act differently, and I think differently now—that comes from confidence and a better understanding of myself. As you know, none of this would’ve been possible if I hadn’t hit rock bottom. If I hadn’t seen the darkness, I wouldn’t have come to the light. If I hadn’t seen myself overcome the adversity, I wouldn’t have thought it possible. Early on in therapy, I had told my therapist that, “depression is something that will stick with me forever. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” That statement couldn’t have been more wrong, and I’m thrilled that it turned out that way. Yes, my depression and my anxiety are things that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life, but I control them, they no longer control me. I’ve developed the tools necessary to ensure that I don’t let either sickness establish a foothold in my life.

As we get older, we’re supposed to get wiser. We’ve experienced more. We’re more knowledgable. We’ve had successes, and we’ve had failures. Everything that life threw at us was supposed to teach us. To grow us. To mold us. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case for everyone. I can say for certain that I didn’t do much growing in my early to mid 20s. I didn’t learn what I was supposed to learn. I didn’t change what I was supposed to change. I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. Instead, I made excuses. I lied to myself. I ignored my issues. I gave up easily. I lacked growth and improvement in my life because I didn’t put in the necessary effort. Circumstances didn’t change for me because my mindset hadn’t changed. I didn’t seek greatness, and I didn’t expect success. I expected sorrow and misery, so more often than not that’s what life gave me.

In order to get the most out of life you need to invest into it. You can only take away what you put in. If you spread positivity, you will reap the benefit. You will be rewarded and blessed beyond measure. Whereas, if you sow discord or toxicity, that negative energy will reflect back on you, sometimes multiplied. I’ll be the first to admit that for about a decade of my life I probably wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around. Unfortunately, I didn’t know it at the time—I lacked self-awareness as I’ve touched on before—but I do have the benefit of hindsight. I can say for certain that 2023 Justin wouldn’t have enjoyed hanging out with 2016 Justin very much. My overall ethos has changed significantly; the two versions of myself likely aren’t compatible. Yes, I had some fun times back then, but the highs were high and the lows were low. I was unstable, not yet having the capability of living moment by moment. Bad moments turned into bad days turned into bad weeks turned into bad months. 

Each bad experience would tank my mood until the next good one perked it up again. The gap in between the peaks was oftentimes a few weeks or a few months, but there were times when it was a whole year. That’s obviously not a healthy way of living. Instead of taking it day by day or moment by moment, I went peak to peak, which didn’t prepare me well for the inevitable decline. Even though I knew how it would turn out, I was slow to make changes in my life. The rare instances when I did, I usually reverted back to old ways pretty quickly. This often led me to the conclusion that I wasn’t capable of changing, and that my life was destined for more of the same and I was unable to alter its course. Of course, none of that is true. These are lies that the devil tells you to prevent you from living up to your potential. Preventing you from living abundantly and fruitfully. Preventing you from continuing your climb to greatness. Preventing you from becoming a better version of yourself each and every day.

I was seeking better results, but not changing my process. It felt like wasted effort because it was wasted effort. Circumstances would change temporarily but not make long-term impact because my mentality remained the same. I was still just as stubborn as I always had been. Still just as stuck in my ways. Still refusing to admit that I had issues or that I needed help. Still acting like I had all the answers, still just as proud. Things did not get better until I was willing to humble myself. If not for the adversity I went through, I’m not sure if that ever would’ve happened. They say that, “the first step to healing is admitting that you have a problem.” Which I don’t disagree with, but that’s not good enough for me. Plenty of people admit that they have issues, but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t do anything about it. Granted, everyone operates at their own pace. So, getting to Step 1 is still vital, but I would argue that getting to Step 2 is even more important.

It took me more than twenty-five years to get to Step 1. I tried to do things the same way over and over and over again. This amounted to nothing more than bashing my head against the same bloody brick for eternity. Why should I have expected anything different? It was proven time and time again that my way of doing things wasn’t working. However, I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what it meant to be happy, to be grateful, to yearn for life. To find meaning. If I wanted real change to happen, I needed to overhaul my entire thought process. I needed to tear down the walls before I could build them back up again. The foundation wasn’t sound, so it was non-sensical to keep adding to it. 

I learned this early on in therapy. Like life, you only get out of it what you put into it. If you’re not honest with yourself and with your therapist, you won’t see real results. You need to be vulnerable, there’s no way around it. Early on in our sessions, I remember being hesitant to share fully, but as time went on I became more open. And with that, I saw more meaningful changes in my life. I started reacting differently and thinking differently. I started to become more grateful. Started to count my blessings. Started to become more in-tune with my emotions. I finally started to understand who I am and what I stand for. How I think. How the world works. With this came confidence and optimism. The things I needed to release me from my fear.

It took me a long time to get to Step 1, but Step 2 followed soon after. It wasn’t easy either, though it seems that way. It took molding and shaping for more than a year to get me to that point. At first, my happiness was manufactured—I had to convince myself that there were things I could be proud of—but like everything else, I was able to chip away at it and change it for good. I needed to heal first before I could move on with my life. Before I could find what I was looking for, I needed to know what I was looking for. But before I could do that, I needed to know who I was, and know who I could become. Where I came from is not the same as where I am going. Where I came from was bitter, and salty, and gloomy. For a while, it was the only life I knew. It was my past, and I thought it was also my future. But I’ve been shown a better way. 

One can argue that winning a free trip was all luck. But I’m not going to do so. I know better than that now. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t changed my perspective. If I had maintained my defeatist mentality I was in for more pain, disappointment, and heartbreak. A lot of it. My life was wrought with misfortune because I expected it from the Universe. My dour outlook and my self-pity did me no favors. My negative energy limited all outcomes—the good in my life had a cap, but the bad was limitless. Each day, I putzed around hoping for blessings and miracles, but not sowing the seeds. If I wanted better in my life, I needed to do better. Positivity is spread easily, but so too is negativity. You have a choice. You can see things half full or you can see things half empty. I know which one I’m choosing. I’m choosing the better way.

Art, Discovery, Dreaming, Greatness, Growth, Hope, Mindfulness, Poetry

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

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Keeping pushing on, keep pushing forward
Reaching onwards, reaching upwards
Never stop, never give in
Never compromise

The journey continues
The dream never dies
The torch is lit
The fire still burns

I want more, I want better
I am striving in every endeavor
I seek greater, I seek treasure
I am blessed beyond measure

Head down, I work hard for what I have
Tunnel vision, I’m focused on what’s ahead
Focused & determined
I see the light at the end of the tunnel

It beckons to me, leads me on
It stands there as a beacon, guiding me towards
The light at the end is my reward
The prize is there firmly within reach

Years of toil, years of pain
Years without tangible gain
Only prepared me for a greater reward
I reap what I sow

Effort & ambition
Determination & grit
There may not have been recognition
But your blood, sweat, and tears will pay off

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel
Not the end, but only the beginning
A new chapter, a new story
One that’s not yet written

You’re a trailblazer, a warrior
You forge your own path
You keep on keeping on when the going gets tough
Through sheer will you find what you’re looking for

Years of effort, years of rugged determination
You worked hard for every good thing
Open your hands, receive your reward
You deserve every blessing