Category Archives: Hope

Changing, Discovery, Greatness, Growth, Healing, Hope, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

A Better Way

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I won something recently. Not words that I have had the pleasure of saying often in my life, but I get to say them now. I won a free vacation to Disney World off of the radio, not all expenses are included (I still have to pay for food, souvenirs, baggage fees, etc.), but I can live with that. A free trip is a free trip. So, how does that make me feel? Excited, overjoyed, and grateful to say the least. But I also feel that it’s deserved. My hard work paid off. My dedication to my craft, my devotion to my mental health, the continued change in my outlook all played a part in manifesting such a blessing. Although it was luck of the draw, luck doesn’t have everything to do with it.

I used to believe that good things didn’t happen to me because I just wasn’t that lucky of a person. But the older I get, the more I realize that perspective matters much more than you would think it does. The Universe reads your energy, it feels your aura. I believe in karma. I believe in reaping what you sow. I believe that optimism often leads to blessings and pessimism often leads to misfortune. Yes, good things can happen to bad people, and bad things can happen to good people. Life is unpredictable—shit happens. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t affect the outcome. You are in control of your own life. I know sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Sometimes you feel railroaded along, living out a life that’s dictated to you. You need to break out of that. Release yourself from the chains that bind.

Your life is your own. Your choices are your own. Your reactions and your emotions are your own. Life won’t always go as planned, however. Things will not always happen the way that you envision. You are the master of your own life, but you are not the master of the universe. You need to control what you can control, and let the chips fall where they may. If things don’t play out as anticipated, you need to be willing to adapt. The most successful people are able to transition to plans B or C if need be. But that doesn’t mean you pursue your goals expecting failure. You expect to be successful, but you acknowledge that things could turn out differently. You mentally plan ahead in case that happens.

I know I say this a lot, but it starts with changing your mindset. Perspective is a powerful thing to have in this world, but it’s often overlooked. For someone who’s depressed, I know advice like, “just be happy,” is neither helpful nor encouraging, but it actually has some truth and some value to it. Yes, it’s a very misguided thing to say (please don’t ever say this to anyone)—it oversimplifies things drastically. But changing your perspective is the basic premise. That’s the basis for real change. I know that firsthand. The person I was in high school and who I am now are strangers. You couldn’t have found two people more different, but they are linked. I couldn’t have become who I am now, without being who I was then. But I didn’t just change for the sake of it. I didn’t make a conscious decision to be different. I changed because I needed to. I needed to learn how to adapt. It was survival of the fittest within me. Everything that made me stronger, that made me a better human remained. Everything that didn’t was phased out. And I am better for it.

My passions, my interests, my moral compass over time have changed to some extent, but the core of who I was still remains. I talk differently, I act differently, and I think differently now—that comes from confidence and a better understanding of myself. As you know, none of this would’ve been possible if I hadn’t hit rock bottom. If I hadn’t seen the darkness, I wouldn’t have come to the light. If I hadn’t seen myself overcome the adversity, I wouldn’t have thought it possible. Early on in therapy, I had told my therapist that, “depression is something that will stick with me forever. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” That statement couldn’t have been more wrong, and I’m thrilled that it turned out that way. Yes, my depression and my anxiety are things that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life, but I control them, they no longer control me. I’ve developed the tools necessary to ensure that I don’t let either sickness establish a foothold in my life.

As we get older, we’re supposed to get wiser. We’ve experienced more. We’re more knowledgable. We’ve had successes, and we’ve had failures. Everything that life threw at us was supposed to teach us. To grow us. To mold us. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case for everyone. I can say for certain that I didn’t do much growing in my early to mid 20s. I didn’t learn what I was supposed to learn. I didn’t change what I was supposed to change. I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. Instead, I made excuses. I lied to myself. I ignored my issues. I gave up easily. I lacked growth and improvement in my life because I didn’t put in the necessary effort. Circumstances didn’t change for me because my mindset hadn’t changed. I didn’t seek greatness, and I didn’t expect success. I expected sorrow and misery, so more often than not that’s what life gave me.

In order to get the most out of life you need to invest into it. You can only take away what you put in. If you spread positivity, you will reap the benefit. You will be rewarded and blessed beyond measure. Whereas, if you sow discord or toxicity, that negative energy will reflect back on you, sometimes multiplied. I’ll be the first to admit that for about a decade of my life I probably wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around. Unfortunately, I didn’t know it at the time—I lacked self-awareness as I’ve touched on before—but I do have the benefit of hindsight. I can say for certain that 2023 Justin wouldn’t have enjoyed hanging out with 2016 Justin very much. My overall ethos has changed significantly; the two versions of myself likely aren’t compatible. Yes, I had some fun times back then, but the highs were high and the lows were low. I was unstable, not yet having the capability of living moment by moment. Bad moments turned into bad days turned into bad weeks turned into bad months. 

Each bad experience would tank my mood until the next good one perked it up again. The gap in between the peaks was oftentimes a few weeks or a few months, but there were times when it was a whole year. That’s obviously not a healthy way of living. Instead of taking it day by day or moment by moment, I went peak to peak, which didn’t prepare me well for the inevitable decline. Even though I knew how it would turn out, I was slow to make changes in my life. The rare instances when I did, I usually reverted back to old ways pretty quickly. This often led me to the conclusion that I wasn’t capable of changing, and that my life was destined for more of the same and I was unable to alter its course. Of course, none of that is true. These are lies that the devil tells you to prevent you from living up to your potential. Preventing you from living abundantly and fruitfully. Preventing you from continuing your climb to greatness. Preventing you from becoming a better version of yourself each and every day.

I was seeking better results, but not changing my process. It felt like wasted effort because it was wasted effort. Circumstances would change temporarily but not make long-term impact because my mentality remained the same. I was still just as stubborn as I always had been. Still just as stuck in my ways. Still refusing to admit that I had issues or that I needed help. Still acting like I had all the answers, still just as proud. Things did not get better until I was willing to humble myself. If not for the adversity I went through, I’m not sure if that ever would’ve happened. They say that, “the first step to healing is admitting that you have a problem.” Which I don’t disagree with, but that’s not good enough for me. Plenty of people admit that they have issues, but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t do anything about it. Granted, everyone operates at their own pace. So, getting to Step 1 is still vital, but I would argue that getting to Step 2 is even more important.

It took me more than twenty-five years to get to Step 1. I tried to do things the same way over and over and over again. This amounted to nothing more than bashing my head against the same bloody brick for eternity. Why should I have expected anything different? It was proven time and time again that my way of doing things wasn’t working. However, I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what it meant to be happy, to be grateful, to yearn for life. To find meaning. If I wanted real change to happen, I needed to overhaul my entire thought process. I needed to tear down the walls before I could build them back up again. The foundation wasn’t sound, so it was non-sensical to keep adding to it. 

I learned this early on in therapy. Like life, you only get out of it what you put into it. If you’re not honest with yourself and with your therapist, you won’t see real results. You need to be vulnerable, there’s no way around it. Early on in our sessions, I remember being hesitant to share fully, but as time went on I became more open. And with that, I saw more meaningful changes in my life. I started reacting differently and thinking differently. I started to become more grateful. Started to count my blessings. Started to become more in-tune with my emotions. I finally started to understand who I am and what I stand for. How I think. How the world works. With this came confidence and optimism. The things I needed to release me from my fear.

It took me a long time to get to Step 1, but Step 2 followed soon after. It wasn’t easy either, though it seems that way. It took molding and shaping for more than a year to get me to that point. At first, my happiness was manufactured—I had to convince myself that there were things I could be proud of—but like everything else, I was able to chip away at it and change it for good. I needed to heal first before I could move on with my life. Before I could find what I was looking for, I needed to know what I was looking for. But before I could do that, I needed to know who I was, and know who I could become. Where I came from is not the same as where I am going. Where I came from was bitter, and salty, and gloomy. For a while, it was the only life I knew. It was my past, and I thought it was also my future. But I’ve been shown a better way. 

One can argue that winning a free trip was all luck. But I’m not going to do so. I know better than that now. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t changed my perspective. If I had maintained my defeatist mentality I was in for more pain, disappointment, and heartbreak. A lot of it. My life was wrought with misfortune because I expected it from the Universe. My dour outlook and my self-pity did me no favors. My negative energy limited all outcomes—the good in my life had a cap, but the bad was limitless. Each day, I putzed around hoping for blessings and miracles, but not sowing the seeds. If I wanted better in my life, I needed to do better. Positivity is spread easily, but so too is negativity. You have a choice. You can see things half full or you can see things half empty. I know which one I’m choosing. I’m choosing the better way.

Changing, Discovery, Dreaming, Growth, Hope, Mindfulness, Poetry, Reflections, Wellness

Like it Used to Be

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A longing for the past
Remembering the old times
Things aren’t as they were
Circumstances aren’t the same
What once was, is now just a distant memory
A flashback to the past
Reminiscence of that which has gone by
We had our good times, we had our bad
We had our triumphs, we had our struggles
We came out stronger, we came out smarter
We came out better

The moments taught us
The adversity strengthened us
The pain molded us
The experience emboldened us
Our past informs our future
Gives us that which we need
Who we were is not who we are
We strive to be different
Different from them, different from us
Not destined to repeat past mistakes
Not confined to a box

It’s not like it used to be
We can never return
It’s all just a distant memory
A recollection of our past
Perhaps it’s better that way
We live and we learn
We grow and we progress
On the path of life there’s only one direction
We go forward and never look back
Who we were is not who we are
We’re not confined to a box

The older we get, the wiser we get
The more we know, the better we can become
We reflect on the past, grateful for where we came from
But we know there’s more in store for us
Something greater, something better
It’s not like it used to be, but that’s okay
What used to be pales in comparison to what could be
Reach out and seek the gift that has been given
A reward for your dedication
Recompense for the good you have done
You are better than you used to be, and that is enough

Art, Discovery, Dreaming, Greatness, Growth, Hope, Mindfulness, Poetry

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

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Keeping pushing on, keep pushing forward
Reaching onwards, reaching upwards
Never stop, never give in
Never compromise

The journey continues
The dream never dies
The torch is lit
The fire still burns

I want more, I want better
I am striving in every endeavor
I seek greater, I seek treasure
I am blessed beyond measure

Head down, I work hard for what I have
Tunnel vision, I’m focused on what’s ahead
Focused & determined
I see the light at the end of the tunnel

It beckons to me, leads me on
It stands there as a beacon, guiding me towards
The light at the end is my reward
The prize is there firmly within reach

Years of toil, years of pain
Years without tangible gain
Only prepared me for a greater reward
I reap what I sow

Effort & ambition
Determination & grit
There may not have been recognition
But your blood, sweat, and tears will pay off

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel
Not the end, but only the beginning
A new chapter, a new story
One that’s not yet written

You’re a trailblazer, a warrior
You forge your own path
You keep on keeping on when the going gets tough
Through sheer will you find what you’re looking for

Years of effort, years of rugged determination
You worked hard for every good thing
Open your hands, receive your reward
You deserve every blessing

Brokenness, Changing, Discovery, Dreaming, Greatness, Growth, Healing, Hope, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

Fear Itself

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FDR once said that, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” A statement from ninety years ago, but a true one if ever there was one. Some may see it as a reason not to put stock in such quotes, but I’m not one of them. A thing of the past isn’t merely a thing of the past. There are lessons to be learned, knowledge that can be gained, advice that can be heeded. Unfortunately, in this era of heightened media illiteracy rife with fake news, “Tiktok Doctors”, and lack of fact-checking, there is a tendency to whitewash the past. 

History is history. We have no cause to question it. Yes, oftentimes accounts are skewed in a certain way, but that’s how it goes. All media coverage is meant to convey a certain narrative. It’s our responsibility to sift through and decipher between fact and bullshit. But sometimes we go too far. We start putting weight in conspiracy theories, and we begin questioning sound science and substantiated history. The moon landing happened. The holocaust wasn’t a hoax. The earth isn’t flat. Just because you saw otherwise on Tiktok or YouTube doesn’t make it true. There’s no veracity to those claims. In a day & age where anything can become viral, you have to understand that some things are said just for clicks and views. Don’t believe everything you see, and don’t believe everything you hear. 

However, you need to find a balance. All things in life require it. Like I said last time, you can’t have a dichotomy without both sides of the equation. You need to have a healthy amount of questioning, and a healthy amount of believing. You don’t want paranoia to fuel you, but you also don’t want to follow blindly. They didn’t really tell us this growing up, but adulthood often amounts to walking a tightrope. Things are rarely black and white. That’s an oversimplification of how the world works. “Everyone is a hero in their own story,” is a piece of advice that’s often given to aspiring authors. But don’t think for a second that just because it’s a tidbit used for creating fiction doesn’t mean that it doesn’t also have real-world application. People aren’t just good or evil for the sake of it—there’s more nuance than that. Morality aside, most people do have a justification for doing what they do. I’m not arguing whether it’s right or wrong, but everyone has their reasons.

Unfortunately, that also means that many people love to prove themselves right. They’ll pull quotes out of context to reinforce the points they are trying to make. This works a lot of the time, but it’s a disservice to all parties involved. It’s a manipulative tactic that helps people win arguments, but doesn’t necessarily unveil the truth. I think it’s safe to say that the most misquoted document is the Bible, but it’s not the only text to receive such treatment. We’ve heard people say often that, “I’d rather be feared than loved,” as if it’s a question of either/or. But that’s not what Machiavelli wrote in The Prince. The full quote says, “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” The second part of the sentence seems like a key piece to omit. Like me, Machiavelli was arguing that we must have balance. It’s not a question of this or that, it’s a question of how much of each. Be informed. 

That’s easier said than done, however. Misinformation runs rampant as technology advances. Some find it more convenient to retweet or share something before they factcheck it. It doesn’t take long to do the latter, but you need to train yourself to do so. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your ignorance. I’ve been through that before and it’s not a great feeling. I once had a boss use the butchered version of Machiavelli’s quote as a means of justifying his toxic behavior. He used fear as a way of keeping us suppressed, preventing us from speaking out about the culture. It was his way of keeping his foot on our necks. And it worked. Like many others before me, I let him walk all over me, because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what my worth was. I didn’t know how much respect I was entitled to. And I didn’t know that I deserved better than what he gave me.

Despite how much of an asshole he was, I still appreciate the effect he had on my life. If I hadn’t worked for him, I wouldn’t have experienced the lowest of the low. I wouldn’t have known how it felt to be used and thrown away like human garbage. I wouldn’t have known how miserable it was to feel like you were stuck. Without adversity to overcome I wouldn’t have overcame. Every experience in life can be used for your benefit—the good, the bad, and the ugly. All things come with a lesson or a takeaway. I firmly believe that you are destined to repeat the same mistakes or go through the same hardships if you don’t learn what you were supposed to learn. At first, it’s easy to say that, but harder to put it into action. But like all habits, it becomes easier over time.

Not all lessons are learned at the time of struggle, however. Some things can be learned after the fact. Hindsight is oftentimes quite informative. But living in the moment and thinking/looking ahead are equally as important. We have a past, a present, and a future for a reason. If we are to live as abundantly as possible, we must spend time thinking about all three. Not equally of course, but all three matter. Some people choose not to focus on the past, instead looking only towards their future. Others ignore both, focusing on the now, looking only for instant gratification. And still others can’t help but dwell on the past, regretting things that were done or going over different outcomes in their head. Overemphasis on any one of these areas can prove to be detrimental. 

I’ve overemphasized all three at various points in my life. But the thing that proved to be the most damaging was my failure to make the connection between all three. I thought of each phase separately, not coming to the realization that they’re interwoven in a way that you can’t think about one without the others. I didn’t yet have the ability to reflect on my past to inform my future, to use my vision for the future to dictate my present, to do the hard work in the present to set myself up for future success. None of this meant anything to me because I didn’t have a clear sense of what I was capable of. I lived a life of passivity, letting outside circumstance dictate how my story unfolded. I didn’t live the life I deserved because I had lost sight of what I thought that was. I didn’t seek out better opportunities because I was held back by my fear. At times of adversity I either ran or I hid. It was oftentimes the easy way out. It usually worked but was only a temporary fix. These issues still ran deep. By not drilling to the root, I gave these seemingly innocuous things room to fester and grow. The small things stacked on top of each other, and became something bigger. Ignoring them didn’t solve anything.

But it gave me peace of mind. “Out of sight, out of mind,” as they say. This mentality proved more damaging than I ever would’ve anticipated, but it drew me in because it had seemed so innocent. I was too afraid to face my issues head-on. I lacked mental fortitude back then, if I’d had some I would’ve realized that ignoring my problems was not a legitimate coping mechanism. However, if I hadn’t been led astray by that misconception I never would’ve become the person that I am today. I needed the adversity, the mistakes, and the lapses in judgment. I never would’ve learned the right way to do things if I hadn’t tried out the wrong ways first. We’re young and we’re dumb—we will make mistakes, but we have to learn from them. 

Something that’s stuck with me these past four or five years is that you can’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the biggest step you need to take in order to live your life the way it’s meant to be lived. You can’t have a long-lasting, loving relationship if it lacks trust. You’ll have trouble making close friends if you don’t open up. You can’t get the most out of therapy if you refuse to dig into the past. It’s difficult to have a realistic outlook on your life trajectory if you’re not open and honest with yourself. Like many others, I ignored these things for far too long. I was conditioned to avoid the negative in my life. Anything that was too painful to think about, I refused to think about. I ignored it hoping that it would go away. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work. 

Circumstances cannot and will not change unless you’re willing to work at it. You can’t expect better from your life unless you’ve put in the effort. People don’t become superstars overnight. We don’t see how long or how hard others have toiled, but I can guarantee that the greatest role models have put their all into whatever endeavor they chose. Everyone walks a different path; each story is unique. But there is one thread in common. All those who seek greatness have made a conscious decision to no longer let fear dictate their lives. They have moved on from their past trauma. They have learned from their mistakes. They think about their future but live in the moment. They make decisions now that will pay off later. They don’t sit around waiting for miracles to happen; they plant their seeds, knowing that if they keep nurturing them there will be a bountiful harvest. They count their blessings, but know that more are yet to come. The best things in life come at a cost, but I assure you it will be worth it.

In order to move on from your past trauma, you need to reopen the wound. It hurts at first, but you’ll be better for it. You can’t tack on another band-aid or continue to ignore it, it will never heal that way. Drill down to the root. Fix your problems from the ground up. Relive your past so that you can have a better future. There’s no other way to move on. I know it’s scary, but everyone goes through adversity. Take a deep breath, and release yourself from your fear. Do not fear the pain, embrace it. You’ve already been through this once, and you made it out alive. Go back in and draw out the lessons. Your fear does not control you; you control your fear. It is your master no longer. You are destined for greatness. You are meant to show the world your worth. You will fear no longer, because you know who you are, you know what you’re capable of. You’ve shown it to yourself, now show it to the world. 

Changing, Discovery, Dreaming, Greatness, Growth, Healing, Hope, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness, Writing

Gotta Let Em Know

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This wonderful journey has taught me many things—about myself, about my expectations, about my hopes and dreams. I’ve been “cooking” for a little over three years now, but I’m ready to show the world. I know what I’m capable of, and it’s time to let em know. 

When I first started out, I was figuring stuff out as I went along. Let’s be honest, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I learned. And I was writing. That was the most important thing. You can’t become a better writer without practice. There’s a saying that goes that you have to write a million words before you’re able to write something worthy to be published. This is a bit of hyperbole but probably not by much. No one is going to be able to write a perfect manuscript right off the bat. It takes debuting authors years before their novel sees the light of day. 

Writing is a tough medium to master, especially if you’re looking to become a novelist. There’s likely to be years of toil without any tangible result. You don’t contact publishers or agents until you have something that you feel good about. They don’t offer contracts based off of ideas or half-assed work. You need to have something that’s finished and fairly polished. How long it takes to create such a thing is up to the individual. Each writer develops at their own pace. Unfortunately for us, sometimes it’s hard to gauge our progress, especially when we’re writing in isolation. We need affirmation from others in order to keep us going. It’s not the end all, be all though. If your primary reason for writing is anything other than that writing is good for you and makes you feel fulfilled, then your priorities are all wrong. You write for yourself first and foremost. 

Fame and fortune doesn’t come from writing necessarily. It might happen, but more than likely it won’t. Most writers don’t become George R. R. Martin or Stephen King, but it doesn’t mean that we give up trying. We all have a lot to give. We all have something to offer. We have knowledge we can impart. We have stories to tell. But most importantly we have people that we can help. We aren’t meant to be sponges our whole lives, taking taking taking without giving back. It’s fine to be one for a time, but once we’ve learned, once we’ve healed, its time to bestow unto others. Making an impact is the name of the game. It doesn’t matter how big or small. 

Be intentional. Be grateful. Be encouraging. Look to have thought-provoking conversation. Look to brighten someone’s day. Help those around you. Even something as simple as holding the door for a stranger can go a long way. Don’t be so self-absorbed that you can’t see what’s around you. Don’t forget to thank those that help you. Don’t forget to be kind. But most of all don’t forget to do everything in your power to be a decent human being. Oftentimes that’s lost in our journey up the corporate ladder. We’re told such things as “good guys finish last,” or “you always have to look out for number one.” The “good guys” that finish last are the ones that let themselves be taken advantage of. You can be a good guy without being a human doormat. You can look out for yourself without being an asshole. You can be ambitious without stepping on other people’s backs. Just because everyone else is doing things the same way doesn’t mean that you need to follow. Forge your own path. Birth your own career. March to the beat of your own drum.

But be realistic. Be aware. Know where you stand in the grand scheme. Don’t be so relentless in your pursuits that you inflate your self-worth. Don’t overvalue your skillset. Don’t put on an air of entitlement—acting like the world owes you something. No one owes you a single dime. Every accomplishment in life requires effort. All praise needs to be earned. No favors come for free. In order to get something out of life, you need to put something in. On the other hand, it’s time to stop self-deprecating. Time to stop undervaluing your importance. You mean something to someone. That’s the truth. Someone somewhere cares about you. Someone will miss you when you’re gone. So it’s best to know where you stand.

Some people were meant to work a 9-5, some people were meant to go off the beaten path. Some people need structure and value conformity. Others would prefer to find their own way. No one way is right, no one way is wrong. One thing can work for some, but not for others. No piece of advice is meant for everyone. Of course you should listen  objectively to anyone willing to invest in you, but know that the mileage may vary. Their advice may or may not work for you, you have to determine that for yourself. Each person lives a unique life with unique circumstances and unique backgrounds. We owe it to ourselves to find out who we are. 

For most of my life I never really fit into a specific box. I was always a bit eccentric, for good or for ill. This was a point of contention for a long time. My internal struggle centered around balancing fitting in with keeping my individuality. I think it’s safe to say that the latter won out in the end. But it took some time to reach that point. It took understanding who I was and learning to love myself for it. I couldn’t start thriving until I accepted that this was who I was. I needed to learn to be proud of where I came from, and be excited for where I was going. It was hard at first, but became easier over time. That’s the case with most things. Habits don’t form overnight. Changes don’t happen in a day. You need to keep working at it—always molding and tinkering. Sow your seeds now, and keep on watering them. Eventually something will grow. Something beautiful and abundant.

We were meant to do so much more than eke out a mediocre existence. We were called to be fruitful and to add some meaning to life. We were meant to seek greatness in everything that we do. If we aren’t trying our absolute hardest to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, then what exactly are we doing? We help ourselves first, then we help others. You take and then you give back. That’s the circle of life. Of course, you can’t give back if you have nothing to give. Take some time to focus on your growth, to discover yourself, to find your purpose. Don’t try to tackle everything at once. Take it one day at a time. If your today is better than your yesterday then it’ll lead to a better tomorrow. If you’re better now than you were a week ago then it means that you’re on the right track. Rejoice in that. 

You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad days. Don’t beat yourself up too much. A step back doesn’t mean that you’ve regressed. Regression is a steady trend in the wrong direction. One bad day does not constitute that. But don’t let it become more than what it is. Don’t allow your bad days to stack. Decompress and destress. Don’t circulate negativity in your head before you go to sleep. When you’re in bed you need to rest. Your stresses, worries, and anxieties can be tackled in the morning. Use a diffuser, smoke weed, count sheep if you have to. When you’re ready to sleep, do so. Calm yourself as you go to sleep, and you will wake up calm. 

You need to start your day off right, with a healthy mindset. Each morning should be seen as a reset. Each day is its own. Try not to let yesterday’s frustrations carry on into today. Of course, it’s unavoidable sometimes, but don’t let it become a habit. This is how regression occurs—allowing yourself to become more miserable each subsequent day. Start each morning with a refresh. You’ll feel better for it. Treat each moment, good or bad, as its own. Take a second to breathe. Return back to zero. 

This was something that I learned early on in therapy, and it’s stuck with me since. Before I found my healing I had a tendency to let singular events tank my day. One nasty customer on the phone and I would resign myself to the “fact” that “this day sucks,” but I would ignore all the good that had happened. The outcome of my day should not have been dictated by one lousy experience. Each moment is its own. A bad moment doesn’t have to lead to a bad day. A bad day doesn’t have to lead to a bad week. A bad week doesn’t have to lead to a bad month. This has become more and more evident to me the more that I write.

Some days are more productive than others, some days are less, some days I don’t feel like I can even write at all. At times I feel like I’m the best writer in the world, at others I feel like I can’t form a coherent sentence. It’s all part of the process. Writing, like most things in life has ebbs and flows. But you need to stick with it. Persistence is key. If you let every negative comment or piece of criticism get to your head then you won’t ever reach the lofty expectations that you’ve set for yourself. Don’t let yourself be held back by doubt. You will have lovers and you will have haters. That’s a given. Anything that’s said will affect you one way or another—it can’t always be helped. But at the end of the day, outside opinion matters, but it isn’t what matters the most. Your opinion of yourself is what matters the most. Know your worth. You are capable of achieving everything that you set your mind to. But you have to be in tune with yourself, check in every once in a while. Know what works for you.

For me, I value all feedback, positive or negative. It helps me form an accurate picture of where I am at. I need one-star reviews just as much as I need five-star ones. It helps me fine-tune my approach. I need people to tell me that I suck, and I need people that will praise me. It keeps me level-headed—the hate prevents my ego from ballooning, the love keeps me motivated. The negativity used to sap my confidence, throw me into a rut. But I needed that. It helped me to gain a more realistic understanding of how far I’ve developed as a writer. The first shitty comment is always the hardest, but each subsequent one gets easier to bear. Hatred and doubt no longer drain me, they fuel me instead. I know how good of a writer I am but I also understand that I still need work. I reach onwards and upwards, but I know that I will never attain perfection. I will never be a finished product, but that doesn’t stop me from continuously reaching. Once you stop reaching, once you stop dreaming is when stagnation settles in. 

Stagnation is the ally of decay, the enemy of growth. In order to chase your dreams you need to keep moving forward. Work on your craft. Better yourself. Learn more. If you’re passionate about what you do, it won’t feel tedious. The effort you put in, the time you spend early on, will pay off later. I can say without a doubt that my efforts have paid off, but I’m not done yet—nowhere close. I speak differently now, that’s what my therapist told me. And there’s a reason for that. As I’ve improved as a writer, I’ve discovered my voice. I’ve learned what I do know and what I don’t know. I’ve learned what to do, and what not to do. I know what sort of a writer I am. I’ve unveiled the strengths and weaknesses in my skillset. I can look at all feedback objectively and determine if it has legitimacy. Anything that’s unhelpful or untrue I can throw out and ignore. I know where I stand.

The more I write, the more confident I get. Confidence comes with improvement. And improvement comes as a result of my hard work. I didn’t always have something to show for it, but I do now. This hobby of mine went from something that I thought that I was capable of to something that I know I’m capable of. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. When the time comes, my novel will be a reflection of my best work, as will the ensuing series. I’m still typing away, still crafting my story. It’s still in the workshop, but I’m making meaningful progress. The time will come when I’m ready to show it to the world, but for now this should suffice. 

This blog has been in existence since 2014 (albeit with a different URL), but for six years posts were sporadic. I started taking this seriously in 2020, but I was writing for myself. In 2023 I know who I am and what I am. I know what I can and will become. I know what I can offer. This blog is for you: the broken, the hurting, and the decaying. I’m here to offer hope, I’m here to offer peace, I’m here to offer healing. I know what my purpose is, and I gotta let em know.