Category Archives: Loss

Brokenness, Depression, Heartbreak, isolation, Loss, Mental Health, Poetry

Forgettable You

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Hello, testing… testing… 
One… two… three…
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Do I exist?

I know I have a voice
But it doesn’t always seem like it
Tired of feeling invisible
Tired of being ignored
I’m just so worn down from it all

I never wanted to feel this way
But it’s something that I’m oh so familiar with
As I got older I thought that things would change
But the more things change, the more they stay the same

Do I even matter?
Am I even important to any of you?
I’ve never been a priority
Never stood out to you
“Oh, it’s just you… Oh so forgettable you”

Maybe it’s time for me to fade off into the nothingness
After all, who would even notice the difference?
Barely anyone acknowledges my presence
Would they even be aware of my absence?

It’s not like I wanna die
But sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be alive
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be worry-free
Give zero fucks about my place in society

But that’s just the thing
I’ve always been so forgettable
Always so overlooked
Never stayed in a place that really felt like home
Never found a place to which I belong

Always been an outcast
Always been squeezed out
Easily the most forgettable
What do I do now?

I’ve tried and I’ve tried and I’ve tried
And I don’t have anything left to give
I’m just so tired, tired, tired
I guess it’s best if I disappear

Won’t have to go far
I’m already a degree of separation away from invisible
All I have to do is stay quiet
It’ll be easy enough for them to forget
I didn’t mean much to them to begin with
Might be better if I’m just a faded memory in the end

Art, Brokenness, Changing, Heartbreak, Loss, people, Poetry, Relationships

Growing Apart

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You ain’t gonna do this to me again
I’m not gonna let you keep hurting me like you do
I’ve shown you nothing but loyalty
But no one is ever loyal to me
I’m tired of it
Just so worn down
So damn sick of it all

I wish I didn’t feel this way
So utterly betrayed
But what can I say?
How can I feel any other way?
I’ve watched your actions
And this is what you’ve shown
We were together once, but now I’m on my own

You can say that I didn’t give enough
Or I didn’t care enough
Or that I didn’t do enough for you
But I gave you everything I could at the time
I just wasn’t equipped back then to love the way that I do (now)
I didn’t have the tools to give you what you needed

I’m afraid it’s too late now
The ship has sailed and we’ve gone too far
We’ve drifted too far apart to rescue who we were
What we had once is now too far gone
I can’t believe it came to this:
Saying goodbye
Bidding farewell to what we once had

This whole time I thought you’d be by my side
That we would lift each other up, build a life and thrive
I didn’t think it’d come to this
Get to a point where I’d question your loyalty
Come to a place where I’d have to decide between you or me

I never thought we’d drift this far
Find ourselves at a crossroads where we no longer aligned
I’m sorry but I have to do what’s best for me
Here’s where we part ways
You’ll go your way and I’ll go mine

There’s no way for us to keep growing together
So we’ll only just grow apart
Best if we just cut ties now
It’ll only get harder moving forward
Might as well just call it quits
I don’t wanna do it, and it’ll hurt my soul
But I don’t see any other way for this to end
Where we end is where I begin

Brokenness, Depression, Loss, Poetry, Writing

(Scars) As the World Burns

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Sometimes I just wanna see the world burn
See it ground to dust so I don’t have to live in it anymore
Watch as the palaces crumble
And see the wicked get what they deserve

Let the righteous perish
So that we can start the whole thing over
The good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent
Let them all meet their demise

What does it matter?
We’ll all be dead in the end
We’ll all get what we deserve

But is that any way to live?
Mad at the world, and hating everyone in it?
When did I get so bitter?
When did I get so angry?
When did I lose all hope for meaningful change?

How did I get this way?
Where did all this hate stem from?
The root of it is this:
I’ve been hurt far too much
For far too long

Felt mistreated and misunderstood
Felt like I didn’t belong
That there was no place for me here

I’ve held out hope that things would turn out better
But it feels like the same story repeating over and over
I find my place and then I lose it
Pushed out, forced out, weaned away

I try to get over it
I try to just forget
But it seems the scars have already cut too deep
I will move on, but I won’t forget
I can’t forget, it’s impossible to forget

My scars, they are a part of me
Sometimes they drive me, sometimes they fuel me
Sometimes they hurt me, sometimes they anger me

A part of me wants to see the world burn
A part of me wants to see the towers crumble
See the wicked punished
And see those who persecuted me set ablaze

But the hatred in my heart only hurts me more
The anger I feel only gets in my way
Best to try to forgive and forget
But that’s the hardest task yet
My scars, they are a part of me
For better or for worse
Sometimes they will fuel me
But sometimes they will hurt

Loss, Poetry, Relationships, Writing

Two Minds

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How can I have so much bitterness in my heart?
Angry and upset about someone I cared about for so long
I know we’ve had some issues in the recent past
I’m not afraid to admit that
I find that I’m still loyal to you
And would like to be until the end

But you need to do more, care more, give more
I feel like I’ve given you all I’ve got
And I haven’t received the same in return
At one point we saw eye to eye
But you’ve given me less and less
And I fear we’re drifting apart

I’d like to care less
I’d like to focus more on me
And spend less time on you
But even still I care about you, and want you still

The specter of disappointment lingers behind you
You haven’t met my expectations in a long while
We were giving as much to each other as we gave to ourselves
And I long for that still
I wish that were still the dynamic
But alas, things have changed

I accept that and it’s okay
I just have to approach with more caution
But my loyalty gets in the way
I can’t deprive myself of helping you
My feelings are mixed in that way

I still want to see things through
I still want to be good to you
But my bitterness gets in the way
I can’t seem to tame my rage
I can’t seem to overcome the pain of disappointment
Can’t seem to express to you the way that I feel

So this will have to do
I’m of two minds
I want to continue being good to you
But I also want to beat the shit out of you
I want to keep helping you
But what do I get out of it?
Increasingly less

I’m not asking for your undivided attention
Just for some in part
I’m not asking for your full commitment
Just for a little devotion
I’m not asking you to go along for the whole ride
Just that sometimes you would be by my side

Not asking for your love and affection
Just a brief moment of your time
I know you’re busy but I’ve set aside time for you
I expected you to do the same

I’m of two minds
Part of me wants to end it
I mean what’s in it for me?
But part of me doesn’t wanna rock the boat
We had something good for so long
I had only hoped for it to become more strong

It seems I must’ve misread the situation
I was much more devoted to you than you were to me
I sit here and long for what we once had
It seems like such a long time ago
Maybe we can recover and move on
Or maybe this is just a thing of the past

Art, Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Poetry

We Can’t Go Home

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We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again
They say home is where the heart is
But I don’t know where my heart belongs
I thought I was yours and you were mine
We were happy once, but only for a time
Where did we go so wrong?
When did it all fall apart?
When did it become you and me and not us?
When did our promises become a lie?

We can’t go home anymore
Not today, not tomorrow, nevermore
We once were in love, so dangerously so
We once were a power couple
We could take on any foe
Stronger and stronger
We fell deeper and deeper
We thought that we were forever
And maybe that could’ve been
But something within us changed
We don’t know what
We don’t know how
We don’t know when

We can’t go home now
Not today, not tomorrow, not now
Home is where the heart is
But my heart is off-course and adrift
Torn apart and smothered
No longer as giving as it once was
I’ve lost my direction
My compass no longer tells me where to go
Back to you it wants to say
But that’s the one place I can’t go

I can’t go home today
I can’t go home tomorrow
Not again, nevermore, not the next day
Home is where the heart is
But my heart no longer has a home
Dazed and confused
Lost and broken
Where do I turn to?
We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again