Category Archives: Loss

Art, Brokenness, Family, Loss, Mental Health, Mindfulness, people, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

When Will it End?

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I thought I had forgiven
I thought I had let go
I thought I had rid myself of the bitter recollection
I thought I had forgotten the painful memories

But everything comes back to haunt
It just repeats again and again
Seeing you makes things worse
I get sucked back into your bullshit

I know better—I’m supposed to know what to avoid
But sometimes I can’t help myself
I convince myself that things will be different
I tell myself that we are okay

But none of it has changed
The more things change the more they stay the same
The more I change, the less you do
Making us less and less compatible

I should’ve known it would be like this
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks
You can’t teach a bad person how to be good
You can’t teach someone who doesn’t want to learn

It’s the same damn thing over and over
You just don’t get it, and I don’t think you ever will
I know you’re toxic, I’ve known for a while
But occasionally I let down my guard

Let you back in
And we repeat the cycle of hurt again
I don’t want this, I don’t need it
I know better than to let you get away with it

I know that you manipulate
And gaslight, ignore real issues like my mental health
I know that you can never be happy or excited for me
Never content with where I’m at

You push your narrative
And try to force me into your cookie cutter life
I’m well aware of it
I tell myself that I won’t let you do it to me again

But the pain repeats, the bitterness recycles
I let you back in again and I know better than to do that
But I can’t help myself
I let down my guard, I let you back in

I don’t want to deal with you, I can’t anymore
You just don’t get it and you never will
I tried to keep my distance in the past
I was doing so well, but sometimes I forget
I let you back in and it’s something I always regret
When will it end?

Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Love, Poetry

I Want You to Stay

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I want you to stay
But you have no reason to
Why would you stay?
If I’m no good for you

I’ve taken all of you, and I’ve used you up
But I haven’t given you nearly enough
I haven’t given you all of my time
I haven’t put in enough of my effort

I want you to stay
But why would you want to?
I want you to stay
But I can’t force you to

You’ve put up with my shit
Given me every chance
Told me what needs to change if we are to last
I said things would be different, but I didn’t try

I want you to stay
We were supposed to be forever and ever, you and I
But the story has ended, it’s time to move on
Unfortunately for us we are a thing of the past

Brokenness, Heartbreak, isolation, Loss, Poetry

On My Own Again

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This was always going to be the outcome, wasn’t it?
I don’t know how to love
I don’t know how to give
I don’t know how to be good to someone else
I can’t even be good to myself

On my own again
Nowhere to be and nowhere to go
I’ve never been a friendly person
I’ve never been all that nice
I tried to give you a part of me
And you always gave me all of you
It was never going to be enough

I don’t know what it means to sacrifice
I don’t know how to show love
I don’t know how to be a human being
I don’t know how to be a friend, son, lover
It’s all so fucked up

I know that I need to do better
I want to believe that I can
But you gave me so many chances
And I’ve used them all up

I said time and time again
That I would do better
That I would try harder
I know I fucked up
I let the fire go out
I let the relationship die

You put the blame on me
And how can I deny that?
I needed to be better
I needed to show growth
Show you that things could change

But zilch, nada, nope
Still the same old me
Unable to love, unable to provide
You deserve someone better
Someone that doesn’t lie
Doesn’t lie to you, doesn’t lie to himself
Doesn’t lie to the world

So I’m on my own again
Wanting to be better than who I’ve always been
But unable to do so
I should let you go
Because I deserve to be alone

Loss, Nature, Poetry

Lost at Sea

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Waves crash along the cliffside
Pulling ships out to sea
Winds swirl, churning the waters
A torrential downpour dampens the ground beneath it
Fearsome clouds darken the sky

A storm is coming, worse than we’ve seen
Greater than we could’ve anticipated
Without signal, without warning
The end is imminent
There is no salvation, there is no hope

The ocean will bury us in a watery grave
No one to remember us 
No one to mourn
Lost to the world
Drifting out farther and farther

The water is an unrelenting mistress
Pulling us out, taking us from our homes
We sailed out, seeking glory, seeking riches
The waves were calm when we departed
A gentle breeze, sun as far as the eye could see

But it came upon us swiftly and suddenly
We lost many before we even knew what it was
It wasn’t just a storm, not a rogue wave
The gods were not pleased
We had cursed the heavens

Righteous fury was our reward
No rest for the wicked
For wicked were we
We had plundered and pillaged
Our wealth ill-gained

We had aimed to return as heroes
But we died in vain
Lost at sea, no more than a drop in the ocean
Lost at sea, and our kin would never know
Lost at sea, buried in the depths

The ocean is a cruel and cold mistress
One that never forgives, but often forgets
No one remembers, and no one knows
No tales of glory, no tales of heroes
We’re lost to the world

LOST AT SEA, AND ONLY THE SEA KNOWS

Art, Changing, Discovery, Loss, Poetry, Writing

No Longer

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You were once my hero
You were once a saint
Worshipped by the people
No harder worker than you
Revered and exalted
Lifted on high

You were once our hero
No better role model for the younger generation
Venerated and worshipped
Crème de la crème
But those days are gone
Those days are over

You are not my hero
You are not my saint
You were once my everything
Who I modeled myself after
Who I wanted to be
You are now my nothing
And I don’t know what they see
Not a shining example to follow
Not who I want to be

The fame went to your head
The success made you arrogant
The quality of work dropped
But you were too blind to see
Refusing to acquiesce to anything 
But your desired to pump content
Your desire to bloat your catalog

You were once my hero
You were once my saint
But you are nothing
No longer anything to me

You were once my hero
And that’s all you’ll ever be
Someone I looked up to once before
But never again
Someone I modeled my life after
But no longer
A has been, an also-ran, washed up

No longer a paragon, no longer the ideal
I’ve outgrown my need for you
You’ve outgrown your use
You may influence other youth
But for me, I will find a different truth