Category Archives: Loss

The Hermit

Jethro was alone, as he always had been. He liked it better that way. Not had much in the way of validation in recent years, but he had no one left to impress. Life for him was simple. No one to rely on, and no one who relied on him. 

His wife had passed away long ago, but he couldn’t remember how long it had been. The days, months, and years had started to blur together. That was the cost of his self-isolation, but he didn’t mind. Not really. It had been so long since he had seen another person, he wondered if anyone knew that he was still alive. It didn’t much bother him. 

He had felt like a burden in his younger years. Try as he may he had never really shaken that feeling. It had been tough to cope with at first, but over time he had started to care less and less. However, the less he valued outside opinion, the harsher he was on himself.

The sense of dissatisfaction never left him. And eventually it leaked out into his professional life. Finding work had always been a struggle. He just couldn’t get himself to stick with something for long-term. It had always felt monotonous and restricting so he had tried his hand at many things. Becoming proficient at everything, but excelling at nothing. 

His wife had stuck with him through it all. Jethro had never really understood why. But that had been a different time. One that was long past. The years then had been brighter, but he wouldn’t have called them happy. 

After several decades, he still hadn’t found what he’d been looking for. Satisfaction had always been ever so elusive. He had come close several times but had never found it. It wasn’t asking for too much was it? Jethro hadn’t thought so, but the Universe didn’t seem to agree.

Thirty years of soul-searching, and he’d had nothing to show for it. So he had given up. Withdrawing within himself, he had closed himself off to the world. It wasn’t worth it to him anymore. He had given to the world what he could, and had received nothing in return.

Jethro had never really had a problem speaking with others, in fact he considered himself socially adept. But he had never liked people, and for most of his existence that dictated much of his social interaction. Over the years, he’d become more and more of a recluse. Life was easier that way, when there was no one left to disappoint.

The years leading up to his wife’s passing had not been great. They hadn’t fought much, but they also hadn’t spent much meaningful time together. Jethro had withdrawn too far, grown too aloof. Looking back on it, he wished that he would’ve approached things differently, but he had changed. He didn’t think it was for the better. But no use mourning for what was already lost. He had already moved on. 

After she had died, he had packed up his belongings and had left home. He had gone off the grid, leaving most of his possessions behind—he no longer had use for them—only bringing whatever fit into his truck. He had no need for his past life. 

He had driven as far as he could go, stopping when he could no longer hear the sound of civilization. There were no roads where he was, no buildings, no excavated land. He’d found his own patch of dirt, untouched by humanity. Unmarred, unblemished, unsoiled. That was exactly where he wanted to be.

Everything that Jethro had he built on his own. He didn’t know where he was, but he didn’t care. This cabin was his home. The garden around it was his own. This was his land and he’d be damned if anyone took it away from him. He had everything that he needed. No stress. No distractions. No obligations. But most importantly, no guilt. Free to focus on himself. 

So, that fateful day in August was a day like any other. Jethro woke up an hour before sunrise as he often did. Out of habit, he put on his platinum watch, tapping a finger to the glass twice. It hadn’t ticked in more than a decade, but he had never bothered to fix it. It was a keepsake of a past life and nothing more. He didn’t need it to tell time. His internal clock hadn’t failed him yet.

It was when he was in the middle of his rounds that everything changed. He had finished checking his traps and was on his way to collect water from the nearby stream  when chaos ensued. It started out as a rattling of dirt and pebbles. Odd. Jethro didn’t think he was in earthquake territory. 

But it wasn’t an earthquake. It was something much worse. Out of the corner of his eye, Jethro saw a red ball streaking through the air. Heat radiated from it as it fell towards the ground. Jethro shielded his eyes—it grew brighter as it drew near. 

Oh shit. He braced himself for the impact, but it swept him off his feet anyway. Ripples of air pulsed towards him, keeping him flat on his back. After about thirty seconds, there was a deafening boom followed by several thunderous cracks

Jethro lay still, his ears ringing. That was when the screaming started. Not as far away from humanity as he had thought. Paradise shattered. Should I help? he wondered. Are there people to save? He was no hero, but could he leave people in distress? Would he feel guilty for his inaction?

Despite his better judgment he decided that he needed to investigate. He didn’t want to go, but he felt that he had to. Jethro quickly loaded supplies into the bed of his truck—some food, a few blankets, a shovel, a knife, his trusty hunting rifle, a handgun. 

Once he was ready, he turned the key in the ignition, praying that his truck would start. It had been many years since he had driven it. At first, he was met with only a bunch of clicking—hopefully the battery hadn’t rusted over. Just my luck. The one time I need it to work

Jethro got out of the cab, and opened the hood. Everything looked to be in order. After giving the dashboard a few hearty smacks, he tried again. The engine sputtered then came to life. 

Figuring out which way to go was fairly straightforward. Towards the screaming seemed like a good bet. The trail of destruction wasn’t hard to follow. He drove past toppled trees and over rocky terrain. Thank God for allwheel drive.

Before long, he reached the epicenter in a clearing devoid of trees. An odd sight considering the path of splintered forest he had followed to get there. Even odder was the fact that the screaming had stopped. It was only a few miles away from his cabin. He hadn’t needed to take a highway to get there, it was in unchartered land as he was. 

But what he saw wasn’t what he had expected to see. There was no ring of fire, no crater of impact. Instead what he saw before him was a glowing yellow ball. It looked like a miniature sun but it gave off less heat than it had before. 

Jethro got out of his truck slowly. No sudden movements. Without turning his back to the ball, he eased his way to the bed. He holstered his handgun, then pulled out his rifle as quietly as possible. 

He waited thirty seconds, a minute, two minutes. There was no movement, and no sound. Cautiously, Jethro crept towards the ball, finger resting on the trigger. As he drew to within twenty yards the ball started to rotate and hum. Jethro stopped walking, and crouched down. Aiming down the sights, he prepared for what was to come.

The humming grew to a whine as the ball spun faster and faster. It strobed from yellow to orange to red. Jethro looked down but not away, wishing that he had remembered to bring sunglasses. 

After some time, the spinning orb began to slow. A circular door opened on the side, and glaring white light emanated from within. Jethro looked away, but not quick enough as spots were seared into his retinas. Surprisingly, he felt no pain.

A figure emerged, cloaked in darkness. Jethro couldn’t make out a face or any distinct features. It was like staring into a void. There was a light coming from behind the figure, but it was unclear where it came from.

The figure came towards him, stopping ten feet away. Looking upon it filled Jethro with a sense of dread and foreboding. Is this my last hour? He continued to aim down the sight of the barrel, but he was trembling so much that he didn’t know if he’d be able to take the shot.

The shadow-man lifted a hand. Jethro dropped his rifle as it became unbearably hot. He watched as it melted into slag, burning a hole in the ground. Jethro lowered himself to both knees, bowing his head. His end was near.

“Gift me the Earth,” the figure said.

“I-I-Its n-n-not mine to give,” Jethro stammered. His voice was raspy and gritty from years of disuse.

“GIFT ME THE EARTH,” the shadow-man said more forcefully.

“I cannot give what is not mine.”

“This planet has met its doom. You are the last one left. Its sole inhabitant.”

“Even still, I cannot give it to you.” If he had nothing else, Jethro still had his principles.

“Then the world will burn.”

“Do what you will. Take what you want. I will not stop you,” Jethro said.

“A planet must be gifted. It cannot be taken. Gift. Me. The. Earth.”

“I cannot.”

“Then we shall become one,” the shadow-man said, stepping closer to Jethro.

There was nothing left for Jethro to do or say, so he looked up at the shadow-man, accepting his fate.

“On your feet,” the figure commanded.

Jethro rose.

The figure laid a hand on Jethro’s forehead, so hot that it seared flesh. Jethro screamed. The burning continued for what felt like hours. Abruptly the sensation stopped, and with it came knowledge. Jethro knew what he’d been missing. Fire and flame was all that he needed. All the worlds would burn, for they needed cleansing.

Where Darkness Lies

On the road again
On a journey to the unknown
We started out with high hopes
But didn’t know where we would go
We thought we would trailblaze, but didn’t know how
We were unprepared for what was to come, nothing for it now
Went forth with the understanding: learn along the way
We failed to realize that it only made us easy prey
On the road again
Going where darkness lies
On the road again
With no end point in mind
We went forth with high hopes
Thinking us pioneers
Thinking us wise
Thinking we knew better than nature
But in truth, we were blind
We went forth thinking we were prepared
for what life threw at us
We thought we could influence the scenery around us
We thought… We thought… We thought…
But it was not enough
Wherever we may roam, darkness soon follows
A blight on the land, a pox on every man
The path ahead is where darkness lies
The path ahead is full of sorrow
The path ahead, the path ahead
Full of misery, full of pain
Our good intentions were just that
We thought we’d make a difference
We thought we’d do better
We thought we knew what was best
But we knew nothing
Just another colonist thinking we knew what was right
Just another colonist fucking up daily life
On the road to misery, we didn’t know we were headed
Spreading famine and misfortune, death’s angel
Territorial and possessive, claiming that which isn’t ours
Onward we may roam, but darkness is bound to follow
Where we go is where darkness lies
The burden of man is draining on the land
Each man is responsible, would be better off dead
On the road again to where darkness lies
On the path of darkness is where all hope dies

War Eternal

A fight for inner peace
Striving for better
Wanting, waiting, wishing for a hero
A fight within, turmoil without
Trying to do better, but not knowing how
A sensitive spirit, thin skin, weak flesh
No resolve, lacking mental fortitude
Not sound of body, not sound of mind
Not willing to leave a past life behind
Not willing to compromise, not willing to heed advice
The war eternal rages on

Never to end, never to conclude
Two spirits different as different can be
Two spirits never to see: eye to eye again
Never to be: close together again
Never to be, never to be
The war eternal rages on

A fight for understanding
Looking for meaning
What was was, now is lost
Never to be rekindled, never to be healed
Never to be mended
Never to be, never to be
One soul lost, veering down the wrong path
One soul lost, stubborn as can be
The war eternal rages on

War within, war without
One looking for meaning, striving for better
The other refusing to change
One seeking greatness, looking to be the best they can be
The other wanting things to stay the same
Wallowing in mediocrity, stagnant and unmoving
One seeking knowledge, wanting to know more
The other thinking that they know all
The war eternal rages on

Never to conclude, never to end
Two souls on divergent paths
Stars never to align
Never to be, never to be
Ships passing in the night
Once friends, never again
The war eternal rages on

No More

We come into the world naked and alone
They know when we’ll come, but no one knows when we’ll go
We’ve come to an alien world
They can’t understand me, I can’t understand them
It’s me and them, them and me
We’re what’s called a family
They chose me, I didn’t choose them
What do they want from me? What can I give?
It’s like that sometimes
We live in a world of mystery
We come from the ground, and to the ground we must return
We’re born, we become something
Become something until we’re not
Only legacy remains, to the ground we must go to rot
We are something, we are someone
We’re something until we’re not
The body dies, memory fades
We’re someone until we’re not
The world moves on
Crawls forever onwards
Our legacy remains, but memory fades
Eventually we are no more

Pain Ends

In my heart of hearts I knew it was over
Over before we had begun
We had lost another battle
In a war we never could’ve won

We held out hope
Believing in something, anything, nothing
We were foolish and naive
Believing there was something to fight for or someone

In my heart of hearts I knew it was over
Over before we had begun
We had lost another battle
In a war we never could’ve won

We rode to the battlefield
Woefully unprepared
We thought we could find comfort
Somewhere, over there, nowhere

In my heart of hearts I knew it was over
Over before we had begun
We had lost another battle
In a war we never could’ve won

We were hopeful and hoping
Waiting for a hero
Wishing upon a falling star
Holding out for any semblance of hope

In my heart of hearts I knew it was over
Over before we had begun
We had lost another battle
In a war we never could’ve won

Hope dies, good will fades
The hero never came, the wish did not come true
The outlook was grim, grim as can be, blue
The sky was red with blood, the sun weeped

In my heart of hearts I knew it was over
Over before we had begun
We had lost another battle
In a war we never could’ve won

Hope dies, pain ends
The moon falls out of the sky
Hope dies, love fades
The end is nigh
Hope dies, pain ends
The sun cries out
Hope dies, love fades
The end is come
It was over before we had begun
It had been meaningless from the start
Hope dies, pain ends, love fades
We are done