Category Archives: people

Existentialism, people, Poetry, Questions, Reflections, Writing

Karma?

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You get what you give
So I’ve been told
But it doesn’t always feel that way
It seems quite often that the equation isn’t equal
The universe demands balance
But there isn’t any to be found

You get what you give
They’ve said it time and time again
I believed it at first
But I’ve started to have doubts
The scale isn’t balanced
Hasn’t been for a while

You get what you give
Good begets good
Evil begets evil
It seemed a simple truth
But now I’m not so sure
Could it actually be more nuanced than that?

If that were true would there still be pain and strife?
Would only the evil get cancer?
Would the good be destined for a blessed life?
The universe is random, putting jumbled pieces together
It strives for balance
But it isn’t always attainable

You get what you give
That’s the way it should work
But it’s better in theory
As with most things in this world
Concepts that had been conceived from a pure heart
But ones that have been perverted by humanity

You get what you give
I wished I believed
But everyone’s so fucked up
For karmic balance, for utopia, for unity
Oh, woe is me. Oh, woe is me.
What’s come of humanity?

Art, people, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love

More Than Acquaintances/Less Than Friends

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I don’t know where it all went wrong
It had seemed so good while it lasted
But somewhere along the way something changed
Some obstacle came between us
Something got in our way

I thought we could become closer
But I guess I was sorely mistaken
This is the closest we’ll ever get
More than acquaintances but less than friends
So what does that make us?

I gave you everything I got, and I got less in return
I gave you my all, but you only gave me some
I feel like I give more than I get
Invest too much of my time and energy
But for me they don’t invest

It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last
Perhaps I’ll learn my lesson before the next
I give too much and I get too little
I thought this would work out
I thought we could be close

We’re more than acquaintances but less than friends
What does that make us?
I thought we could be closer
Tried to put in my all
It’s evident to me now that this is our ceiling

Stuck in no man’s land with nowhere left to go
I’ll learn my lesson eventually—invest in you less
Use my time and energy to build myself up
Focus on what I need to do
With or without your help

My path is what matters most
And my needs should come first
If I don’t prioritize myself then how will I get what I deserve?
I’m working towards something
And I’ll get what I earn

I need to put my head down and get to work
It seems I’m wearing myself too thin
I gave you all of me, and you only gave me something
I can’t do it anymore
It’s not right for how hard I’ve worked

I need to focus on myself
Keep working towards my goals
Maybe we’ll intersect again
And I’ll keep cheering you on
But don’t expect me to give you everything, not anymore

Brokenness, Depression, Doubt, isolation, people, Poetry

Lonely Loser

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Misunderstood and misrepresented
It seems that no one truly knows who I am
It’s been going on for as long as I can remember
And as I grew older I thought that it would pass me by
When will it end?
When will lies stop being spread?
What is it about me that makes it so easy to forget?

I think I’m afraid that things will never change
That despite how much I improve that things will remain the same
The process might be altered but the results are unchanged
Am I just a sad, lonely loser?
Destined to remain that way?

I’ve tried to give more, I’ve tried to trust less
It seems that no matter what I do I can’t make it hurt less
It seems that people come and go, never staying for long
Something about me tells them to just be done
Goodbye and be gone

It’s the fear of abandonment that does me in, in the end
I wish things were different
I wish I had matured faster
I regret playing all those games when I was younger
I should’ve known they’d only lead to disaster

I’m not that kid anymore
I’ve changed and improved
But it seems I made a lasting impression the first time around
And I’ve developed a reputation that I can’t live down

Nowadays I try to be as genuine as can be
But some people only remember the old me
Why can’t people see that I’m trying my best?
That I’m just being the real me?
That a new me is a better me?
That I’m changed and improved?

But I can’t turn back time
I can’t change an impression that’s already been left
I missed my chance to show them who I am when I’m at my best
Just a lonely loser
Like it’s been since I was young
Easy to abandon and leave behind
Easy to cut ties, easy to quit without saying goodbye

I guess this is how it’s going to be
Just me, myself, and I
Brought along as a friend but only when it’s convenient
Used and abused and discarded
Just a lonely loser
Best to come to terms
It is what it is
And that is all that it will be

Art, Family, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry, Wellness

Can’t Turn Back Time

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No matter what we do we can’t turn back time
We might dwell on the past
Or hold onto something that’s been lost
But whatever we do, we can’t turn back time

I wish things were different
I wish we could have what we once had
But we’ve grown apart
There’s no looking back

I’m trying to let go
I know it’s for the best
But I keep getting sucked back in
I keep falling for the same trap

We’re not right for each other
The gap between us is too far to span
We started drifting years ago
And before we knew it, we had gotten so far

Too far to swim back
Too far to reach out
Too far to compromise
We can’t turn back

What we once had is lost
Never to be felt again
A chasm has grown between us
An endless abyss full of darkness

You and I are too different now
Too different to re-align
Too much has changed
There’s been too much pain
Too much hurt, too much bitterness

We can’t turn back time
Things will never be the same
We can’t have what we once had
Best if we go our separate ways

Too different to remain
I see things differently now
I hope you feel the same

When I was younger I didn’t know better
I followed the examples of my elders when I didn’t know my way
But as I grew older, I realized that things were no longer the same
You and I, we see things differently
The generation gap is a thing

I know who I am now
And I see things in a different way
We can’t turn back time
We can’t rediscover what was lost
Maybe we can find some common ground in the future
But I’m not gonna hold out hope

Art, Brokenness, Depression, Heartbreak, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry

Left Behind (Time After Time)

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Time after time it feels like history repeats itself
It feels like it’s the same old story being told
I’ve been searching and praying for so long
Trying to find someone to hold me
Who would have my back
But it seems like my search is in vain

Each time the friendship comes to a close
Each time I’m left feeling betrayed
I gave it my all, and I tried my best
But I guess that wasn’t enough
It seems it wasn’t meant to last

Each time I pick myself back up again
Eventually I’m able to try again
But the next time is always harder than the last
I can only make myself vulnerable so much
I’m afraid to get hurt again
I’m afraid to put it all in
And get nothing in return

Is there something wrong with me?
Am I the reason all things come to an end?
Am I the reason no one wants to be my friend?
I’ve never really fit in
Never could find my place
I’ve tried time and time again

But it seems I always get left behind
Ignored and forgotten, easily overlooked
What have I done wrong?
But I’m never given the courtesy
Never been told face to face

We’re not cool anymore
Time has passed us by
We’re going our separate ways
And that’s all I’ll ever know
All this but never been given reasons why
Never could figure out why I’m so easy to leave behind

I guess that’s life
No real place for me
No true friends to hold me down
No one who has my back through thick and thin
But I’ll manage, I’ll get back on my feet
I’ve always been on my own, always been alone

For brief moments of time it seems things will be different
But the story always ends the same
Me on my lonesome, again wondering what happened
You’d think I’d learn by now, would no longer be blindsided
You’d think I’d realize that friendship was not meant to be
It’s me versus the world, that’s how it’s always been

Just trying to find my place
But never appreciated and always left behind
I’ve changed and I’ve gotten better
I’m no longer a burden like I used to be
But that doesn’t seem to matter

It’s the same old story, it always ends the same
A friendship ends, a friendship dies
And I’m always left behind
Always the one that’s hurt
But no one ever cares
I’m collateral damage, it’s okay if I get hurt

They don’t think I’m worth much
I’m just baggage that can be cut loose
It’s okay for them to severe ties
They can find someone else easily, don’t really have to search
“That guy, I don’t need that guy,” they say
And perhaps that’s true
But I gave them all of me, and they just said, “fuck you”

It’s the same old story
It always ends with me hurt
They’re able to move on
Never consider what I’m worth
It hurts every time
And eventually I’ll get over it
Eventually I’ll heal
But it gets harder each time

Maybe I’m just meant to be on my own
Cause I know what I’m worth
I guess it is what it is
Never meant to be
There’s not a place for me in their lives
It’s just me and me
I’ll make it through
I promise you I’ll be alright

I guess I never really needed them
But it hurts just the same
But I’ll get over it and heal
I’ll be alright
But I’ll be alone
At the end of the day my heart is my home