Category Archives: Poetry

Brokenness, Family, people, Poetry, Reflections, Relationships, Writing

There but Not There

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All my life I’ve been searching to fill the hole in my heart
You offered what you could, but it wasn’t enough
I was always wanting more. Wishing that you were someone else
It was unfair to you, but I didn’t know any better
I was only a young pup
Trying to find my way in the world and not having much luck
I needed a role model in my life
Someone to guide me through the downs and the ups

You were there but not there
Sorta in the picture, a financial rock
But emotionally unavailable, totally distant
There to clothe us, house us, feed us
I guess you thought that it was enough

But it was hard to read you
You always felt closed off
You were never there when I needed you
I could never reach you
You were there but not there

At least you provided me with a privileged life
But I could never look past your flaws
Was never content with what you gave
I’ve really been spoiled in that way
I’m lacking in gratitude, I acknowledge that full well
I wish it wasn’t that way

I often miss the forest for the trees
At the end of the day, you gave me all that you could give
For someone else that would’ve been enough
But I wanted and needed emotional support
Something that you couldn’t give

You were there but not there
Gave me what you could give
Instead of appreciating it I always looked for something more
Something that you couldn’t give
I realize that now
But it feels like it’s too late

All this time I was looking for a type of love you weren’t capable of
But you loved me in your own way
You gave me what you could give
I should’ve been content with that
Instead of chasing the type of love that I wanted
It wasn’t gonna happen
You were always there but not there
Physically close, but emotionally distant
All this time I’ve been chasing what you couldn’t give

Poetry

Misanthrope

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My faith in humanity is gone
I wish things were different
But I’ve run out of patience
And we’ve run out of time

It’s high time we formed the battle lines
In a world divided
It’s time to unite
But it’s easier said than done
It seems that everyone is only looking out for themselves
Leaving others out to dry
Abandoning neighbors as a result of their pride

What has the world come to?
Where have peace and love gone to?
Where is the compassion? The empathy?
My faith in humanity is gone
At one time I thought that it could be restored
But now I’m not so sure

Time after time it seems that corruption wins
The morally reprehensible have gotten away with it again
When will it end?
When will the evil get the damnation that they deserve?
Is karma still alive and well?

I’m sitting here waiting for them to get their just deserts
But will I stay waiting?
Humanity used to have a moral compass
But it’s been spinning out of control
My faith in humanity is gone
I am a misanthrope

I’ve grown more cynical over time
The things I was taught when I was younger are only ideals
Humanity is dead
Our future bleak
Tell me, tell me when will it end?

I still have faith that good will overcome evil
I hold onto it, cling to my last gasp of hope
My faith in humanity is gone
But please will some justice be served?
I still believe that one day we will overcome
But what little faith left slowly ticks down
Please won’t something come and give us reason for hope again?
One day virtue will be restored

Doubt, Hope, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love, Writing

Subpar

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It’s a constant struggle dealing with my feelings of inadequacy
It just seems that I’m never good enough
Time after time it’s a notion that comes back to me
Why can’t I ever be good enough?

I’ve set impossible standards for myself
Set the bar so high that I’m having trouble clearing it
But what’s the alternative?
I’ve gone through life before with no self-belief
I’ve gone through life before expecting failure

I always knew that was not a healthy way to live
But neither is this
I have to find some middle ground
I need to find some balance in my life
Do better than what I’ve done
But at the same time, I can’t keep beating myself up so much

I need to learn how to show myself some grace
Be kinder to the man in the mirror
But I just can’t help feeling that I’m not good enough
It feels like everything I do is subpar
Nothing I do is up to my exacting standard
But I swear I’ve been working so hard

So where do I go from here?
When will what I do be good enough (for me)?
Satisfaction and fulfillment seems few and far between
I’m looking for some direction in life
Some clarity on where to go and what to do

I’ve seen both ends of the spectrum
Worked hard for decent money but failed to find passion
Worked passionately for the love of it, but without getting paid
There has to be some middle ground

Why can’t I have both?
But maybe one things divides into two
Maybe I find what I’m looking for in a dual pursuit
Regardless of what it is, I gotta keep chipping away
I know that’s the truth

But it’s hard to keep on going when so far it hasn’t borne fruit
I just can’t help but feel that I’m not good enough
That everything I do is subpar
Self-belief will only get me so far
I can’t get my foot in the door if I’m not given a chance

I know I should be in a better place
But opportunity has been limited
I know I have skill and potential
I just haven’t been able to show it in a while

The longer this goes on, the harder it is to silence my doubt
I pray something comes together
Cause I dunno how much more I can take
Something desperately needs to change

I know I’m good enough
But that small voice gets louder by the day
The one that tells me I’m not good enough
I wish it would just go away
But until I get a chance to show my worth
I’m afraid I’ll keep questioning my role on this earth

Changing, Heartbreak, Loss, Mindfulness, people, Poetry, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Love

The Trust is Broken

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Your actions speak louder than your words
You say one thing but do another
You keep making plans but you never follow through
Your words are full of lies and empty promises

Why should I take you at your word if it is always so fleeting?
What you say today does not affect your tomorrow
You change your mind on a whim
What you say one day means nothing the next
So tell me, why should I trust you ever again?

Why should I believe what you say?
Your words are empty, they’re meaningless
Forever changing, over-promising & under-delivering
I’ve caught onto your tricks, I’m onto your ways

I won’t let you deceive me any longer
Your word it doesn’t mean shit
You lack integrity, dependability
I need to learn to expect the least (from you)
You’re no longer someone I can depend on

I wish things were different
But we’ve changed
Gone opposite ways
I can no longer trust you
I can’t rely on you

I wish it weren’t so
But the bond is broken
Never to be restored
It hurts to say that
But I’m moving on

I’ve already let you go
It’s time you did the same
I’ll forever cherish what we once had
But it’s gone for good
No matter what you do, things will never be the same
The trust is broken
The partnership ended
Time to go our separate ways

Brokenness, Death, Depression, Heartbreak, Loss, Music, Poetry

Sometimes Giants Fall

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Sometimes giants fall
Turns out our larger than life heroes and idols are mortal after all
We know that some day death will come for us all
There aren’t any exceptions
But it hardly makes it easier to bear
We don’t usually get time to prepare

The reaper will come
Father Time will call
God will bring us home
Death is undefeated, it is inevitable
We all know this
But it’s hard for us to internalize
Hard to accept, hard to understand

We keep asking ourselves, “Why” and, “Why now?”
How could someone who’s always been there simply be gone?
Here today and gone tomorrow
Hale and hearty quickly turns to sickly
This one hurts. It fills me with sorrow

Sometimes giants fall
Turns out our larger than life heroes and idols are mortal after all
Even darkness comes for the prince of darkness
There was no cheating death in the end
It hurts to say goodbye
It’ll be some time before I listen to a song of yours and not cry

Larger than life, we knew you by one name
The father of a genre, creator of a way of life
You gave a voice to the voiceless
Gave us a place where we belonged
Forever grateful for the legacy you left
Forever grateful for the impact you made

Sometimes giants fall
Turns out our larger than life heroes and idols are mortal after all
When you said goodbye on the stage—
We didn’t know it’d be goodbye forever
You went home
You closed your eyes forever
But you did it on your terms

I’m glad you’re no longer in pain
You gave it your all
You mean the world to us
Thank you for everything
The Prince of Darkness will live on in our hearts
We’ll never forget you
RIP Ozzy