Category Archives: Poetry

Art, Depression, Healing, Mindfulness, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love

How Far I’ve Come

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Sometimes I forget how good I have it
How blessed I am to be doing what I love
How blessed I am to have freedom of expression
It wasn’t always this way
I didn’t always have it so good

My fears held me back
My self-doubt told me I couldn’t do it
My anxiety convinced me not to try
Ambition? I had none of it
Drive? I was on empty
Motivation? Better to stay quietly in my lane

Stick to the shadows
Hide in the background
Don’t draw attention to yourself
For it will only amplify your lack
It will only show others how weak you are
It will only confirm the fragility of your ego

I believed the lies for so long
Convinced that I wouldn’t get better
Convinced that I wouldn’t amount to much
The life that I was brought into was as good as it would get
Whatever cards I was dealt was how things would play out
Whatever limitations I had would forever remain

I wasted so much time stuck in park
Wasted so much time admitting defeat
Worn down by my circumstance without a chance to compete
Conceded the fight before the opening bell
Accepted the result without giving them hell

It took years to undo the damage that was done
It took session after session to recondition myself
To erase the brainwashing, the sheltering, the pain
To build me up and make me whole again

It had been so long since I had felt complete
There was a hole in my heart where my psyche used to be
I had lost my sense of self
Didn’t know who I was
I had let others mold me into what they thought I should be

That wasn’t who I am
Wasn’t what I’m meant to be
Wasn’t what God had intended when He had created me
I must remind myself of how far I’ve come
Remind myself that I have purpose
One that others might not understand
Remind myself of what I stand for and who I am
Remind myself that I can’t be defined by another man

Brokenness, Depression, Doubt, isolation, people, Poetry

Lonely Loser

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Misunderstood and misrepresented
It seems that no one truly knows who I am
It’s been going on for as long as I can remember
And as I grew older I thought that it would pass me by
When will it end?
When will lies stop being spread?
What is it about me that makes it so easy to forget?

I think I’m afraid that things will never change
That despite how much I improve that things will remain the same
The process might be altered but the results are unchanged
Am I just a sad, lonely loser?
Destined to remain that way?

I’ve tried to give more, I’ve tried to trust less
It seems that no matter what I do I can’t make it hurt less
It seems that people come and go, never staying for long
Something about me tells them to just be done
Goodbye and be gone

It’s the fear of abandonment that does me in, in the end
I wish things were different
I wish I had matured faster
I regret playing all those games when I was younger
I should’ve known they’d only lead to disaster

I’m not that kid anymore
I’ve changed and improved
But it seems I made a lasting impression the first time around
And I’ve developed a reputation that I can’t live down

Nowadays I try to be as genuine as can be
But some people only remember the old me
Why can’t people see that I’m trying my best?
That I’m just being the real me?
That a new me is a better me?
That I’m changed and improved?

But I can’t turn back time
I can’t change an impression that’s already been left
I missed my chance to show them who I am when I’m at my best
Just a lonely loser
Like it’s been since I was young
Easy to abandon and leave behind
Easy to cut ties, easy to quit without saying goodbye

I guess this is how it’s going to be
Just me, myself, and I
Brought along as a friend but only when it’s convenient
Used and abused and discarded
Just a lonely loser
Best to come to terms
It is what it is
And that is all that it will be

Art, Changing, Doubt, Mindfulness, Poetry

Seedlings of Doubt

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Trapped in my own head
Dark clouds swirling above
It creeps through the shadows
Tainting my vision and judgment
I can’t tune them out
I can’t ignore them
I can’t help but let them take root

The voices tell me nothing but lies
But still they remain
If I’m not vigilant I will fall prey
I will lend them credence where none is deserved
I will let them dictate what will go on
Shut up! Quiet! Get out of my head!

You tell me only lies
I don’t need you
I don’t want you
I’m better without you
But it’s not so easy sometimes

Doubt forms and grows
Has me questioning my worth
Am I meant for this?
Do I belong here? Am I good enough?
Stop! Get out of my head!

You’re a voice without reason
A seedling of doubt that festers and grows
Telling me that I’m an imposter
That everything I’ve done doesn’t count
That I won’t amount to anything because I’m not good enough
Because I don’t belong
I won’t ever belong because I’m just a pretender

I know these are lies
I remind myself of this over and over
But it’s easier to fall into despair
It’s easier to roll over and die
It’s easier to buy into the doubt

But I’m not like that anymore
I don’t wanna be
I can’t allow them to win
Because then I’m exactly who they want me to be
The voices tell me that I’m going to fail

But how do I know?
How can I say that I’m a failure if I haven’t even tried?
How can I give up that easily?
How can I roll over without putting up a fight?
I can’t let them win
I won’t allow it
I will prove them wrong again and again

Art, Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Poetry

We Can’t Go Home

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We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again
They say home is where the heart is
But I don’t know where my heart belongs
I thought I was yours and you were mine
We were happy once, but only for a time
Where did we go so wrong?
When did it all fall apart?
When did it become you and me and not us?
When did our promises become a lie?

We can’t go home anymore
Not today, not tomorrow, nevermore
We once were in love, so dangerously so
We once were a power couple
We could take on any foe
Stronger and stronger
We fell deeper and deeper
We thought that we were forever
And maybe that could’ve been
But something within us changed
We don’t know what
We don’t know how
We don’t know when

We can’t go home now
Not today, not tomorrow, not now
Home is where the heart is
But my heart is off-course and adrift
Torn apart and smothered
No longer as giving as it once was
I’ve lost my direction
My compass no longer tells me where to go
Back to you it wants to say
But that’s the one place I can’t go

I can’t go home today
I can’t go home tomorrow
Not again, nevermore, not the next day
Home is where the heart is
But my heart no longer has a home
Dazed and confused
Lost and broken
Where do I turn to?
We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again

Art, Family, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry, Wellness

Can’t Turn Back Time

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No matter what we do we can’t turn back time
We might dwell on the past
Or hold onto something that’s been lost
But whatever we do, we can’t turn back time

I wish things were different
I wish we could have what we once had
But we’ve grown apart
There’s no looking back

I’m trying to let go
I know it’s for the best
But I keep getting sucked back in
I keep falling for the same trap

We’re not right for each other
The gap between us is too far to span
We started drifting years ago
And before we knew it, we had gotten so far

Too far to swim back
Too far to reach out
Too far to compromise
We can’t turn back

What we once had is lost
Never to be felt again
A chasm has grown between us
An endless abyss full of darkness

You and I are too different now
Too different to re-align
Too much has changed
There’s been too much pain
Too much hurt, too much bitterness

We can’t turn back time
Things will never be the same
We can’t have what we once had
Best if we go our separate ways

Too different to remain
I see things differently now
I hope you feel the same

When I was younger I didn’t know better
I followed the examples of my elders when I didn’t know my way
But as I grew older, I realized that things were no longer the same
You and I, we see things differently
The generation gap is a thing

I know who I am now
And I see things in a different way
We can’t turn back time
We can’t rediscover what was lost
Maybe we can find some common ground in the future
But I’m not gonna hold out hope