Category Archives: Relationships

Brokenness, Family, people, Poetry, Reflections, Relationships, Writing

There but Not There

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All my life I’ve been searching to fill the hole in my heart
You offered what you could, but it wasn’t enough
I was always wanting more. Wishing that you were someone else
It was unfair to you, but I didn’t know any better
I was only a young pup
Trying to find my way in the world and not having much luck
I needed a role model in my life
Someone to guide me through the downs and the ups

You were there but not there
Sorta in the picture, a financial rock
But emotionally unavailable, totally distant
There to clothe us, house us, feed us
I guess you thought that it was enough

But it was hard to read you
You always felt closed off
You were never there when I needed you
I could never reach you
You were there but not there

At least you provided me with a privileged life
But I could never look past your flaws
Was never content with what you gave
I’ve really been spoiled in that way
I’m lacking in gratitude, I acknowledge that full well
I wish it wasn’t that way

I often miss the forest for the trees
At the end of the day, you gave me all that you could give
For someone else that would’ve been enough
But I wanted and needed emotional support
Something that you couldn’t give

You were there but not there
Gave me what you could give
Instead of appreciating it I always looked for something more
Something that you couldn’t give
I realize that now
But it feels like it’s too late

All this time I was looking for a type of love you weren’t capable of
But you loved me in your own way
You gave me what you could give
I should’ve been content with that
Instead of chasing the type of love that I wanted
It wasn’t gonna happen
You were always there but not there
Physically close, but emotionally distant
All this time I’ve been chasing what you couldn’t give

Changing, Heartbreak, Loss, Mindfulness, people, Poetry, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Love

The Trust is Broken

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Your actions speak louder than your words
You say one thing but do another
You keep making plans but you never follow through
Your words are full of lies and empty promises

Why should I take you at your word if it is always so fleeting?
What you say today does not affect your tomorrow
You change your mind on a whim
What you say one day means nothing the next
So tell me, why should I trust you ever again?

Why should I believe what you say?
Your words are empty, they’re meaningless
Forever changing, over-promising & under-delivering
I’ve caught onto your tricks, I’m onto your ways

I won’t let you deceive me any longer
Your word it doesn’t mean shit
You lack integrity, dependability
I need to learn to expect the least (from you)
You’re no longer someone I can depend on

I wish things were different
But we’ve changed
Gone opposite ways
I can no longer trust you
I can’t rely on you

I wish it weren’t so
But the bond is broken
Never to be restored
It hurts to say that
But I’m moving on

I’ve already let you go
It’s time you did the same
I’ll forever cherish what we once had
But it’s gone for good
No matter what you do, things will never be the same
The trust is broken
The partnership ended
Time to go our separate ways

Art, Brokenness, Changing, Heartbreak, Loss, people, Poetry, Relationships

Growing Apart

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You ain’t gonna do this to me again
I’m not gonna let you keep hurting me like you do
I’ve shown you nothing but loyalty
But no one is ever loyal to me
I’m tired of it
Just so worn down
So damn sick of it all

I wish I didn’t feel this way
So utterly betrayed
But what can I say?
How can I feel any other way?
I’ve watched your actions
And this is what you’ve shown
We were together once, but now I’m on my own

You can say that I didn’t give enough
Or I didn’t care enough
Or that I didn’t do enough for you
But I gave you everything I could at the time
I just wasn’t equipped back then to love the way that I do (now)
I didn’t have the tools to give you what you needed

I’m afraid it’s too late now
The ship has sailed and we’ve gone too far
We’ve drifted too far apart to rescue who we were
What we had once is now too far gone
I can’t believe it came to this:
Saying goodbye
Bidding farewell to what we once had

This whole time I thought you’d be by my side
That we would lift each other up, build a life and thrive
I didn’t think it’d come to this
Get to a point where I’d question your loyalty
Come to a place where I’d have to decide between you or me

I never thought we’d drift this far
Find ourselves at a crossroads where we no longer aligned
I’m sorry but I have to do what’s best for me
Here’s where we part ways
You’ll go your way and I’ll go mine

There’s no way for us to keep growing together
So we’ll only just grow apart
Best if we just cut ties now
It’ll only get harder moving forward
Might as well just call it quits
I don’t wanna do it, and it’ll hurt my soul
But I don’t see any other way for this to end
Where we end is where I begin

Loss, Poetry, Relationships, Writing

Two Minds

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How can I have so much bitterness in my heart?
Angry and upset about someone I cared about for so long
I know we’ve had some issues in the recent past
I’m not afraid to admit that
I find that I’m still loyal to you
And would like to be until the end

But you need to do more, care more, give more
I feel like I’ve given you all I’ve got
And I haven’t received the same in return
At one point we saw eye to eye
But you’ve given me less and less
And I fear we’re drifting apart

I’d like to care less
I’d like to focus more on me
And spend less time on you
But even still I care about you, and want you still

The specter of disappointment lingers behind you
You haven’t met my expectations in a long while
We were giving as much to each other as we gave to ourselves
And I long for that still
I wish that were still the dynamic
But alas, things have changed

I accept that and it’s okay
I just have to approach with more caution
But my loyalty gets in the way
I can’t deprive myself of helping you
My feelings are mixed in that way

I still want to see things through
I still want to be good to you
But my bitterness gets in the way
I can’t seem to tame my rage
I can’t seem to overcome the pain of disappointment
Can’t seem to express to you the way that I feel

So this will have to do
I’m of two minds
I want to continue being good to you
But I also want to beat the shit out of you
I want to keep helping you
But what do I get out of it?
Increasingly less

I’m not asking for your undivided attention
Just for some in part
I’m not asking for your full commitment
Just for a little devotion
I’m not asking you to go along for the whole ride
Just that sometimes you would be by my side

Not asking for your love and affection
Just a brief moment of your time
I know you’re busy but I’ve set aside time for you
I expected you to do the same

I’m of two minds
Part of me wants to end it
I mean what’s in it for me?
But part of me doesn’t wanna rock the boat
We had something good for so long
I had only hoped for it to become more strong

It seems I must’ve misread the situation
I was much more devoted to you than you were to me
I sit here and long for what we once had
It seems like such a long time ago
Maybe we can recover and move on
Or maybe this is just a thing of the past

Art, Mindfulness, Poetry, Relationships

Sweep it Under the Rug

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Sweep it under the rug like you always do
Ignore everything that bothers you
—that makes you uncomfortable
Problems? What problems?

You’d rather pretend like they don’t exist
—than address them head on
You’d rather pretend that you’re perfect
—than change your bad behavior
You’re pitiful, just a fool

Worse than lying to others is lying to yourself
But worst of all is lacking accountability
Not taking responsibility for your actions
Not accepting the consequences for your mistakes

You’d rather sweep it under the rug
Pretend like everything is better
Hoping that people will forget
—the pain that you caused
Hoping that people will ignore
—your blatant attempts at manipulation

But I’m onto you
I know you for what you really are
You’re a loser, a cancer, a bitch
I see right through you
—through your weak facade
You’re a liar, a snake, a witch

I know your tactics, I know your ways
You gaslight, shift blame, alter narratives
You warp reality so that it fits your story
Toxic energy, you drain us
You suck the life from those around you
Making it all about you

With so much attention you’d think you would change
—for the better, but it’s only gotten worse
You just sweep it under the rug
Pretending like things are fixed
Pretending like your problems are dealt with

It won’t work anymore
We’re onto you, and we won’t be moved
You can sweep it under the rug like you always do
Ignore everything that bothers you

“Out of sight, out of mind,” like they say
But that doesn’t fix things, that doesn’t make things okay
You’re stubborn and stuck in your ways
I say, “oh well. What more is there to say?
We can’t help you.”