Tag Archives: Brokenness

We Can’t Go Home

We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again
They say home is where the heart is
But I don’t know where my heart belongs
I thought I was yours and you were mine
We were happy once, but only for a time
Where did we go so wrong?
When did it all fall apart?
When did it become you and me and not us?
When did our promises become a lie?

We can’t go home anymore
Not today, not tomorrow, nevermore
We once were in love, so dangerously so
We once were a power couple
We could take on any foe
Stronger and stronger
We fell deeper and deeper
We thought that we were forever
And maybe that could’ve been
But something within us changed
We don’t know what
We don’t know how
We don’t know when

We can’t go home now
Not today, not tomorrow, not now
Home is where the heart is
But my heart is off-course and adrift
Torn apart and smothered
No longer as giving as it once was
I’ve lost my direction
My compass no longer tells me where to go
Back to you it wants to say
But that’s the one place I can’t go

I can’t go home today
I can’t go home tomorrow
Not again, nevermore, not the next day
Home is where the heart is
But my heart no longer has a home
Dazed and confused
Lost and broken
Where do I turn to?
We can’t go home again
Not today, not tomorrow, never again

Left Behind (Time After Time)

Time after time it feels like history repeats itself
It feels like it’s the same old story being told
I’ve been searching and praying for so long
Trying to find someone to hold me
Who would have my back
But it seems like my search is in vain

Each time the friendship comes to a close
Each time I’m left feeling betrayed
I gave it my all, and I tried my best
But I guess that wasn’t enough
It seems it wasn’t meant to last

Each time I pick myself back up again
Eventually I’m able to try again
But the next time is always harder than the last
I can only make myself vulnerable so much
I’m afraid to get hurt again
I’m afraid to put it all in
And get nothing in return

Is there something wrong with me?
Am I the reason all things come to an end?
Am I the reason no one wants to be my friend?
I’ve never really fit in
Never could find my place
I’ve tried time and time again

But it seems I always get left behind
Ignored and forgotten, easily overlooked
What have I done wrong?
But I’m never given the courtesy
Never been told face to face

We’re not cool anymore
Time has passed us by
We’re going our separate ways
And that’s all I’ll ever know
All this but never been given reasons why
Never could figure out why I’m so easy to leave behind

I guess that’s life
No real place for me
No true friends to hold me down
No one who has my back through thick and thin
But I’ll manage, I’ll get back on my feet
I’ve always been on my own, always been alone

For brief moments of time it seems things will be different
But the story always ends the same
Me on my lonesome, again wondering what happened
You’d think I’d learn by now, would no longer be blindsided
You’d think I’d realize that friendship was not meant to be
It’s me versus the world, that’s how it’s always been

Just trying to find my place
But never appreciated and always left behind
I’ve changed and I’ve gotten better
I’m no longer a burden like I used to be
But that doesn’t seem to matter

It’s the same old story, it always ends the same
A friendship ends, a friendship dies
And I’m always left behind
Always the one that’s hurt
But no one ever cares
I’m collateral damage, it’s okay if I get hurt

They don’t think I’m worth much
I’m just baggage that can be cut loose
It’s okay for them to severe ties
They can find someone else easily, don’t really have to search
“That guy, I don’t need that guy,” they say
And perhaps that’s true
But I gave them all of me, and they just said, “fuck you”

It’s the same old story
It always ends with me hurt
They’re able to move on
Never consider what I’m worth
It hurts every time
And eventually I’ll get over it
Eventually I’ll heal
But it gets harder each time

Maybe I’m just meant to be on my own
Cause I know what I’m worth
I guess it is what it is
Never meant to be
There’s not a place for me in their lives
It’s just me and me
I’ll make it through
I promise you I’ll be alright

I guess I never really needed them
But it hurts just the same
But I’ll get over it and heal
I’ll be alright
But I’ll be alone
At the end of the day my heart is my home

Dreamkiller

You never understood me, you never really tried
It’s fine though because I stopped lamenting it long ago
Always been the black sheep, always been misunderstood
Never gonna fit in, not fully
Never part of the family, not really
I’m fine with it, I really am

But the least you could do is have my back
The least you could do is try to care
Pretend that you supported me in my endeavors
You never gave me what I needed
Only gave me what you could spare
It was never what was right
And it was never good enough

You always were a dreamkiller
Never taking me seriously
Never thinking me capable
Never letting me grow into the man I was meant to be
Never letting me breathe, never letting me dream

You have a close-minded view of reality
Only accepting two ways to live
You told me I could either be A or B
But what if I wanted to be C?

I’ve always been different
I didn’t think that was hard to see
I marched to the beat of my own drum
Even as a kid, even when I was young

You never could relate, and I don’t blame you for that
But you never tried to understand
All you did was suppress and discourage
I can’t forgive you for that
You’re a dreamkiller, and a heartbreaker
Never let me pursue my passions
Never helped fuel my ambition

You only gave me what you wanted to give, never what I needed
Never understood that all I needed was just one person on my side
One person who pushed me to reach new heights
Just one person to tell me that I was good enough
One person to say, “I’m with you, whatever it takes.”
I didn’t think I was asking for much
But evidently, the bare minimum is expecting too much

I don’t need you to see it from my perspective
We don’t need to see eye to eye
You and I are different
Our paths will never realign

Coming to you was a mistake
This I should’ve learned
You never had my back before
Why would things be different now?
I knew better than to let you do this to me again
I knew better than to rely on you for anything
I tried to forget, I tried to forgive, I really did

You haven’t changed, not one bit
But I did
I’m not the same meek child I used to be
I’m no longer lost and uncertain
I’m forging my own path, making my own way
I know what I’m aiming for, I know where I’m headed
If you’re not going to support me, then get out of my way

I told you what I needed
I told you what I wanted
I told you what I expected from you
But it’s gone clean through
In one ear and out the other
It’s clear to me that you haven’t been listening
It’s clear to me that my voice hasn’t been heard

You just do what you always do
Control & manipulate
Always seeking to have your way
Always thinking that you know best
You’re a dreamkiller, a heartbreaker
Toxic energy that drains

My teachers told me that I could be whoever I wanted to be
But that I never believed
I wasn’t allowed to dream
No, that wasn’t the way
You can be this or that, but never that
“You’ll do as I say”

I did that for a time
But it never made me happy, it never satisfied
It never made me feel confident or good enough
Never could live up

But I’m better than that now, I know who I am
Pleasing you is an ever moving target
And that’s not who I am
Not a people pleaser, not a doormat
I am who I am, an independent thinker, a dreamer
Someone who’s building a life where only greatness will suffice

I’ve said all that I needed to say
I’ve made my peace
I’m leaving you behind, you won’t keep doing this to me
Dreamkiller, heartbreaker
Toxic energy that drains

I tried to be patient, I tried to be kind
I gave you many chances to change
To show me that you were on my side
But it’s the same ole shit over and over
I can no longer let it slide
I didn’t wanna do this, but this is goodbye

Some Days

Some days it’s hard to will myself on
To keep pushing forward, to keep on going
I lose sight of my goals
And I can’t remember what I’m doing it for

This is the life I wanted
This was my passion and my dream
But sometimes I question
Whether or not I still want this
Whether or not I’m built for this
If this is worth my everything

Some days I wake up feeling empty
Wondering if this is what’s left for me
Some days I sleep in, dreading what’s in front of me
Sometimes it feels like I have to bear the weight of the world
Sometimes I feel buried under a mountain of expectations
Is the standard I hold myself to too high?
Am I trying too hard? Am I doing too much?

Where do I go from here?
The longer I toil without result
The harder it is to maintain my focus
Is there anything left for me?
Have I given all that I can give?
Did I start off too fast?
Have I burnt myself out?

The inspiration isn’t always there no more
The confidence comes and goes
I don’t always have the discipline to do what needs to be done
Sometimes I feel lost, drifting down a river of sadness
Some days it feels like I’ve lost all meaning
Just another day alone with my thoughts
Just another day trying to cope with my same struggles

I’m better than this!
I slew my demons!
I conquered my fears!
I swore that I became a different man!
I swore that I was changed
I swore that I matured and grew up
Grew out of my headcase phase

This was supposed to make me happy, supposed to satisfy
But some days it feels empty
Some days it feels meaningless
Some days I wish my life had been different
That I hadn’t been depressed
That I hadn’t been sad

But that’s part of my story, always has been and always will
Some days are harder than others
Some days it feels like I’m on the verge of relapse
But I have to do better, I have to do more
I have to keep on going for some day it will pay off

Finding My Place

What do I mean in the grand scheme of things?
Where do I fit in?
What does life mean to me?
Where do I begin?

Never really knew my place in life
Never really felt all that accepted
Under-appreciated and misunderstood
That’s how it’s always been

Never been anyone’s favorite person
Never been referred to as a best friend
It had always been a bit one-sided
People meant more to me than I meant to them

Quickly forgotten and easily overlooked
Sometimes I feel invisible, just a character in a book
It’s the same ol’ story, destined to repeat
I’m there for a short time, easy to ignore
Not super memorable, just another guy
“Oh yeah, who was he again? Oh, he was that guy”
Every connection has the same ending

I was there for a short time
But then I was easily forgotten
I move on from friend group to friend group
Hoping to find a place to stay
But it’s only ever temporary
And that’s it, I’m trying to find my place once again

No permanent place for me
Nowhere I belong
Making friends had always been tough for me
But it’s gotten even harder as the years go on

Time and time again I’ve tried to find my place
I fit the dynamic for a little bit, but then my time is up
A wandering nomad on an endless journey
Is this what I’m destined for?
A life devoid of acceptance?

What do I mean to them?
Where do I fit in?
What does life mean to me?
Where do I begin?

Am I doing something wrong?
Is there something wrong with me?
Only there for a short time, but then they forget about me
I’m finding my place in the world
And so far I don’t belong
As time rolls on, will I find what I’m looking for?
Will I find somewhere to be, and stop moving on?