Tag Archives: Loss

Art, Brokenness, Loss, Mental Health, Poetry

Some Days

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Some days it’s hard to will myself on
To keep pushing forward, to keep on going
I lose sight of my goals
And I can’t remember what I’m doing it for

This is the life I wanted
This was my passion and my dream
But sometimes I question
Whether or not I still want this
Whether or not I’m built for this
If this is worth my everything

Some days I wake up feeling empty
Wondering if this is what’s left for me
Some days I sleep in, dreading what’s in front of me
Sometimes it feels like I have to bear the weight of the world
Sometimes I feel buried under a mountain of expectations
Is the standard I hold myself to too high?
Am I trying too hard? Am I doing too much?

Where do I go from here?
The longer I toil without result
The harder it is to maintain my focus
Is there anything left for me?
Have I given all that I can give?
Did I start off too fast?
Have I burnt myself out?

The inspiration isn’t always there no more
The confidence comes and goes
I don’t always have the discipline to do what needs to be done
Sometimes I feel lost, drifting down a river of sadness
Some days it feels like I’ve lost all meaning
Just another day alone with my thoughts
Just another day trying to cope with my same struggles

I’m better than this!
I slew my demons!
I conquered my fears!
I swore that I became a different man!
I swore that I was changed
I swore that I matured and grew up
Grew out of my headcase phase

This was supposed to make me happy, supposed to satisfy
But some days it feels empty
Some days it feels meaningless
Some days I wish my life had been different
That I hadn’t been depressed
That I hadn’t been sad

But that’s part of my story, always has been and always will
Some days are harder than others
Some days it feels like I’m on the verge of relapse
But I have to do better, I have to do more
I have to keep on going for some day it will pay off

Art, Brokenness, isolation, Loss, people, Poetry, Writing

Finding My Place

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What do I mean in the grand scheme of things?
Where do I fit in?
What does life mean to me?
Where do I begin?

Never really knew my place in life
Never really felt all that accepted
Under-appreciated and misunderstood
That’s how it’s always been

Never been anyone’s favorite person
Never been referred to as a best friend
It had always been a bit one-sided
People meant more to me than I meant to them

Quickly forgotten and easily overlooked
Sometimes I feel invisible, just a character in a book
It’s the same ol’ story, destined to repeat
I’m there for a short time, easy to ignore
Not super memorable, just another guy
“Oh yeah, who was he again? Oh, he was that guy”
Every connection has the same ending

I was there for a short time
But then I was easily forgotten
I move on from friend group to friend group
Hoping to find a place to stay
But it’s only ever temporary
And that’s it, I’m trying to find my place once again

No permanent place for me
Nowhere I belong
Making friends had always been tough for me
But it’s gotten even harder as the years go on

Time and time again I’ve tried to find my place
I fit the dynamic for a little bit, but then my time is up
A wandering nomad on an endless journey
Is this what I’m destined for?
A life devoid of acceptance?

What do I mean to them?
Where do I fit in?
What does life mean to me?
Where do I begin?

Am I doing something wrong?
Is there something wrong with me?
Only there for a short time, but then they forget about me
I’m finding my place in the world
And so far I don’t belong
As time rolls on, will I find what I’m looking for?
Will I find somewhere to be, and stop moving on?

Brokenness, Changing, Discovery, Family, Loss, Poetry, Writing

Same Energy

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Keep that same energy
You didn’t care for me then
So don’t pretend like you care now
You didn’t even try to give me what I needed
Didn’t even think to find out what it was
So don’t try that now
It’s too late and it’s fake
Just something you do to feel better about your past failings
You wanna act like you took care of me
But it was never what I needed
It was never right and it was never enough

I have so many words I want to say to you
So much that I need to get off my chest
But I can’t think of how, and I just get jumbled up
I’m better with words written than words spoken
But it means nothing now, because I can never get my point across
You don’t get me, you barely even try
You and I will never see eye to eye
You believe that you’re helping me
You believe that good intentions are enough

But all you do is interfere
You’re a world class meddler, and it makes it harder for me
I don’t need your help, I never asked for it
You always just get in my way
None of your motives are pure
Always looking to get something out of it
Looking to have things your way
I’m tired of it, tired of your judgment
Tired of you telling me what to do
Tired of your snide comments
Tired of you second guessing me at every turn
I’m tired of it, so fed up

But what can I do?
I can’t make you stop
Anytime I disagree with you, you make me feel guilty
Anytime I fight your manipulation, you blame me
I know better than to fall for your wiles and tricks
I know better than to let you do this to me
But it’s easy to forget how you make me feel
It’s easy to forget all the times you’ve hurt me
But no more, I won’t let you disrupt my peace

So keep that same energy
You didn’t care for me then
So don’t care for me now
You didn’t give me what I needed before
It’s too late for that now
I am who I am
And I never really needed you, I see that now
You told me who I should be instead of embracing me for me
So keep that same energy
I’ll reap my blessings and you’ll have none
I’ll show you who I am, but that’s it, we’re done

Art, Brokenness, Family, Loss, Mental Health, Mindfulness, people, Poetry, Self-Care, Self-Love, Wellness

When Will it End?

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I thought I had forgiven
I thought I had let go
I thought I had rid myself of the bitter recollection
I thought I had forgotten the painful memories

But everything comes back to haunt
It just repeats again and again
Seeing you makes things worse
I get sucked back into your bullshit

I know better—I’m supposed to know what to avoid
But sometimes I can’t help myself
I convince myself that things will be different
I tell myself that we are okay

But none of it has changed
The more things change the more they stay the same
The more I change, the less you do
Making us less and less compatible

I should’ve known it would be like this
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks
You can’t teach a bad person how to be good
You can’t teach someone who doesn’t want to learn

It’s the same damn thing over and over
You just don’t get it, and I don’t think you ever will
I know you’re toxic, I’ve known for a while
But occasionally I let down my guard

Let you back in
And we repeat the cycle of hurt again
I don’t want this, I don’t need it
I know better than to let you get away with it

I know that you manipulate
And gaslight, ignore real issues like my mental health
I know that you can never be happy or excited for me
Never content with where I’m at

You push your narrative
And try to force me into your cookie cutter life
I’m well aware of it
I tell myself that I won’t let you do it to me again

But the pain repeats, the bitterness recycles
I let you back in again and I know better than to do that
But I can’t help myself
I let down my guard, I let you back in

I don’t want to deal with you, I can’t anymore
You just don’t get it and you never will
I tried to keep my distance in the past
I was doing so well, but sometimes I forget
I let you back in and it’s something I always regret
When will it end?

Brokenness, Heartbreak, Loss, Love, Poetry

I Want You to Stay

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I want you to stay
But you have no reason to
Why would you stay?
If I’m no good for you

I’ve taken all of you, and I’ve used you up
But I haven’t given you nearly enough
I haven’t given you all of my time
I haven’t put in enough of my effort

I want you to stay
But why would you want to?
I want you to stay
But I can’t force you to

You’ve put up with my shit
Given me every chance
Told me what needs to change if we are to last
I said things would be different, but I didn’t try

I want you to stay
We were supposed to be forever and ever, you and I
But the story has ended, it’s time to move on
Unfortunately for us we are a thing of the past